toyatoya Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 well, the girl left me 2 and half weeks ago. we were together for almost 3 years. her reason is that she's a mess with no direction in life and doesn't like herself. she says she cant be in a relationship if she doesn't love herself. these realizations are good for her as i also believe she needs to work on herself. i raised the question of, "why can't i be there to help you through this?" she responds with something like, "I need to be alone and don't want to be in a relationship now. I feel differently about us now and may have lost feelings for you. I still care deeply for you as a person and friend. But right now I'm confused about everything and need to get my life in order. I don't have the heart or energy to be in a relationship. I need to deal with myself first" i know i have to give her space. i've been on NC for the moment. i know that no one will know the future. i just have to let her do her thing. but what are the chances of us being together again? good or bad, i just needed a talk.. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 You can drive yourself crazy thinking like that. Your absolute best bet is to assume the relationship is over, going no contact and starting the moving on and healing process. She may want you back or she may not. If she does she can contact you and let you know and then you can decide what to do. But if she does not - you are already moving on anyway. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 You said it yourself you do not know the future, so live on, move on and accept she is gone. It's hard I know, but you need to realize that if you ache and mope over this, you're only hurting yourself. To progress, you must accept/respect her decision to leave you and start focusing on YOURself too. The best thing you can do right now is to stop thinking of her, when you start to - say in your head that she needs her time and space and you wish her the best. Best wishes and I hope you keep a positive attitude ^_^ Link to comment
toyatoya Posted April 29, 2010 Author Share Posted April 29, 2010 you guys are absolutely right. i don't really have too many friends to talk with. so, any feedback is greatly appreciated.. Link to comment
DN Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Maybe this would be a good opportunity to get out and make some new friends. Link to comment
Starbourne Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 Hey man, my ex told me pretty much the same thing (no time or energy, relationship was a burden to her, didn't want to be in a relationship right now, didn't know what she wanted etc). I know exactly how you feel in regards to it, because I too have very few friends. I tend to be more of a loner and do my own thing. My ex broke up with me back in feb, so i've had time to mull things over since then, and i can definitely tell you that you DO need to move on, for now. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex starts becoming really nasty towards you, especially if she's stressed. Mine took out all her frustrations on me post break up, so just be prepared that this might happen to you too. Also, ALWAYS remember to take the high road. Be respectful and polite, regardless of what might happen or what she might say to you. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, take the high road. The bottom line is that you need to stay strong and remember who you were before you met her. Find that person again; become that person and then some. The road is gunna be hard, no doubt, but keep putting one foot in front of the other. 1, 2... 1, 2... 1, 2... Link to comment
Tangz Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 NC, work on yourself, try try try try try to move on. Who knows when shes had some time to think it over she may come back to you. In that time show her you arn't hung up on her.. she doesn't want you now so don't give her the idea that she can have you when SHES ready, do this by NC and keeping busy. Let her work on herself and to the same. Give it time. Link to comment
ohnohedidnt Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 its freaky that that is exactly what my ex said...stuff down the line of"i need to learn to love myself before loving somebody else" and i gotta do it alone thing....It took 3 months for me to stop being in contact with him after the breakup...i just couldnt grasp it and not giving space messed us up more...but, just started giving him that after he got maaaad cold and distant... wish you good luck friend. Link to comment
toyatoya Posted April 29, 2010 Author Share Posted April 29, 2010 its freaky that that is exactly what my ex said...stuff down the line of"i need to learn to love myself before loving somebody else" and i gotta do it alone thing....It took 3 months for me to stop being in contact with him after the breakup...i just couldnt grasp it and not giving space messed us up more...but, just started giving him that after he got maaaad cold and distant... wish you good luck friend. and how are you now? i was hit with the, "i don't know if i love you any more"... stabbed in the heart. Link to comment
ohnohedidnt Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 and how are you now? i was hit with the, "i don't know if i love you any more"... stabbed in the heart. Well my ex suffers from mixed anxiety depression disorder so he is alway push and pull.last night he berated me for keeping so much contact with him and being in touch all the time creating a habit.today I didn't do gchat and he emailed me, and texted me to see how I was and called....I didn't respond to any.I find it weird to deal with this when he said he doesn't know how he feels that he has no feelings for anyone and yet again,I go missing for half a day and he is calling and crap.....basically this is the worst since its not a direct - I don't like u anymore. Link to comment
toyatoya Posted April 29, 2010 Author Share Posted April 29, 2010 so you didnt NC with your ex? i'm on NC at the moment. it's only been 8 days for me so far.. Link to comment
Starbourne Posted April 29, 2010 Share Posted April 29, 2010 No, I did... after a month or so. On day 17 now. Link to comment
toyatoya Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 got an unexpected text from her today. i thought i'd never see/hear from her ever again. maintaining my NC. she asked how i was doing and hoped that i would respond. i'm not wrong for not answering her, right? Link to comment
michaelhopes Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 her reason is that she's a mess with no direction in life and doesn't like herself. she says she cant be in a relationship if she doesn't love herself. these realizations are good for her as i also believe she needs to work on herself. i raised the question of, "why can't i be there to help you through this?" she responds with something like, "I need to be alone and don't want to be in a relationship now. I feel differently about us now and may have lost feelings for you. I still care deeply for you as a person and friend. But right now I'm confused about everything and need to get my life in order. I don't have the heart or energy to be in a relationship. I need to deal with myself first" If you had a dime for every time any woman on this planet used these lines and it was the truth you would probably have a few bucks in your pocket. If you had a dime for every time any woman on this planet used these lines and there was another man involved somewhere in the equation you would be a millionaire. Conduct your actions and replies with this in mind ........ Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 she asked how i was doing and hoped that i would respond. i'm not wrong for not answering her, right? Does not responding feel ok in your gut? If not, there is nothing wrong with replying in a close ended manner "Im find thanks, hope your doing better" You started this thread asking what the chances are of her coming back. You have to assume they are 0.0 so you can move on....BUT....if you want to leave the door open, closing it with no replies wont work. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 If you had a dime for every time any woman on this planet used these lines and it was the truth you would probably have a few bucks in your pocket. If you had a dime for every time any woman on this planet used these lines and there was another man involved somewhere in the equation you would be a millionaire. Conduct your actions and replies with this in mind ........ I think you need to include all the guys too. Where do you think the term "playa" was derivied from? Link to comment
toyatoya Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Does not responding feel ok in your gut? If not, there is nothing wrong with replying in a close ended manner "Im find thanks, hope your doing better" You started this thread asking what the chances are of her coming back. You have to assume they are 0.0 so you can move on....BUT....if you want to leave the door open, closing it with no replies wont work. you're right. i'm feeling 50/50 about it. i still love her, it just doesn't go away like that. but i know within myself that any contact with her will set me back. and yes, i was not expecting any contact from her ever again. as i read some people's situation on ENA, i wished that she'd contact me. now it has come true. Link to comment
toyatoya Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 well here's an update. she sent an email to me today. this time saying how she thought we'd still talk once in a while and would like to know how i'm doing because she cares. it ends off with her asking me for dinner. (umm, what!?) i really see no talks in reconciliation in this dinner. is it worth it? i'm still maintaing NC... Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 well here's an update. she sent an email to me today. this time saying how she thought we'd still talk once in a while and would like to know how i'm doing because she cares. it ends off with her asking me for dinner. (umm, what!?) i really see no talks in reconciliation in this dinner. is it worth it? i'm still maintaing NC... Again...this is a question only you know the answer to. Do you want tohave dinner with her? Can you have dinner with her with the expectation that it means nothing? Are you only interested if there is a chance at reconciliation? Link to comment
FootofGod Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 You could ask her what her intentions are. If she says "to stay friends" or anything along that lines - anything short of "I want to talk about us," then tell her you will be very busy and can't find time. Never make an ultimatum, like "either we get back together or I'll never talk to you again," but always make sure you get it at least on the table if you're going to meet up. Link to comment
toyatoya Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 well. tried and failed again. i really resisted but had to make the call because she wanted to try again. i took the chance. as strong as some of us may be, how can you resist? we broke up again 2 days ago because things weren't going right. she's still confused as ever and didn't want to commit to the relationship. she said she felt pressured because she knew how serious i was about her. she's the one that came back to me with her intentions of trying to make it right this time. i gave it my all but she couldn't do the same for me. i don't know if you guys should look at my situation for an example of how getting back doesn't work or keeping NC or whatever. but i'm back to where i started. broken and having feelings of no hope for myself. this girl has honestly put me to the lowest points in my life. help. Link to comment
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