Massive rant. Don't mind me.

[asthesparrow]

so 3 months ago, i packed up and left my hometown, to move north & live here for awhile... my (now ex) boyfriend of 4 years was meant to move with me too, but after a month of me being here, with all his stuff, in a house we signed a lease for together, it became very apparrent that he was no longer interested in our relationship, so i broke up with him....

 

well after about 2 weeks of that, i realised i was seriously going to be FLAT BROKE in a matter of weeks, as i was paying rent for 2 people... so, i moved in with my dad who has lived here for the last 10 years or so.

 

We have not had a good relationship... but desperate times call for desperate measures. He was physically and emotionally abusive when I was a kid, (So was my ex, I sure can pick em...) and I have really disliked him for most of my life. But, I thought, maybe he's changed, maybe we can grow a bond again..

 

Well now it's been almost 2 months of living with my dad, and it's horrible. I, 22, feel about 12 years old again, I cook and clean for him, I get called worthless (I am not working at the moment and this infuriates him, I do have $$ however), I basically am treated like a piece of... crap. So basically I am back to rock bottom depression, I am feeling horrible about myself, not sleeping, not eating, I uncontrollably cry a lot.. all of this makes my father want to kill me. I am so. depressed.

 

So today I am buying a ticket back to my hometown... For next week.. I have no proper home there, as I am no longer with my ex... I have a few friends places I can crash at for awhile, and I have already organised 3 job interviews... I am already feeling a little better. I am just so scared to tell my father... and I have to, within the next few hours... I am petrified he is going to tell me that I throw my life away too easily, that there's something wrong with me, that I take everything for granted...

I can't bear to tell him that the problem.. is almost entirely him.

 

I made the decision yesterday, and today has been the first day I've woken up not crying. Last night I got 6 hours sleep, as opposed to 4.... I know I have to do this for my own sanity, but I'm afraid he'll hurt me. Ugh. Rant over.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not sure if you mean that he may physically, or emotionally hurt you?

[asthesparrow]

I'm not sure if you mean that he may physically, or emotionally hurt you?

 

Both I guess. He hasn't actually hurt me since I was maybe... 10, or something? I haven't really had contact with him since then, but he still has a very short temper as I can tell, and he still seems to have unresolved issues with me, which I cannot understand.

I just know that doing this will infuriate him, and I am so scared.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you're making the right move by getting out of there. If he physically tries to harm you, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. Maybe for your own safety, you could wait until the last minute to tell him?

 

Either way, be safe...

[asthesparrow]

I told him...

Basically I got laughed at.

But it's over now, I am free in a few days.