hater13 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 There are many things that happened after the break up that lead me to believe that my is just plain confused about the break up and not sure if he made the right decision...I'll just explain it in a series of events lol - he breaks up with me but when I tell him I no longer wish to speak with him he refuses and basically forces me to keep in contact with him (as friends) - I try to break contact with him again saying my final goodbyes, onces again he refuses! - I tell him I want my things back (my perfume, sweaters from my uni ect.) once again he refuses to give them back. I ask why..he says they are memories - I let him keep these items and he is happy about this - He continuously tells me to stop trying to get him back ( I admit I did the regular begging business) and to move on - When I tell him I've decided to stop chasing him and am willing to move on, I've put his gifts away and deleted a folder of our pictures from my laptop. He texts "I'm glad you got over it so fast" which to me seems like a very hurt and slightly sarcastic text - I only deleted this folder because he has told me earlier that day he had deleted his as well....when I tell him I've deleted it he says "I never deleted you folder, but I'm glad you deleted mine" - He constantly reinforces how HAPPY he is, and makes mention of how sad/depressed I am... - The day he broke up with me I told him he would regret his decision, he agreed with me - he stated that he wouldn't be able to find someone better then me...he always said this during our relationship as well - When I asked to meet him for his birthday, which was a week after our break up, he said it wouldn't be such a good idea as he would be drunk. He knows how much I dislike people getting VERY drunk, as I do not drink myself - During our relationship he stopped drinking because he knew how I felt about it (I never told him he had to stop, this was his own decision)...right after the break up he got smashed on SEVERAL occasions drinking more then he normally ever would - I finally went NC when I told him there was no way I could move on if we were still in contact, he agreed saying he would do what was easier for me - I asked him..what if he regreted his decision (again)? He said he wouldn't and that he made the right choice BUT if he did regret it, it was something he would have to worry about and not me - since our NC he has been very active on facebook...leaving comments on girls pictures similar to those left on mine previously. - he did not delete me off of msn OR facebook - I broke NC once as I felt I was ready to be just friends..the conversation was brief and very awkward. I didn't bring up anything from the past what do you guys think? Is my ex confused? or just being too needy? Link to comment
fLuiD Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 - he breaks up with me but when I tell him I no longer wish to speak with him he refuses and basically forces me to keep in contact with him (as friends) Brief text/email/letter with a one liner: "From this point on, I do not want to stay in contact with you." Ignore him if he replies or calls. Whatever he says or does, even if it is hurtful, simply ignore him. He will get the point after being ignored for enough time. - I try to break contact with him again saying my final goodbyes, onces again he refuses! See my advice above. You also need to stop telling him what you feel or think. Tough pill to swallow, but he flat out does not care what is on your mind. Don't waste your time or his. This constant breaking of NC only shows him that you still aren't over him, which is an ego boost for him. Even if you aren't over him, he doesn't need to know. - I tell him I want my things back (my perfume, sweaters from my uni ect.) once again he refuses to give them back. I ask why..he says they are memories Perfume? Buy another one. Uni jacket? If you are still in the same uni, then buy another one if you absolutely feel you must. Asking for things back is only an excuse for talking to him. Stop doing this because again, it makes YOU look needy and clingy. This only further reinforces his loss of respect for you. - I let him keep these items and he is happy about this These are mind games. One more time, ignore him and let him be happy with your stuff. And if you haven't figured it out, this is a way of placing a guilt trip on you. - He continuously tells me to stop trying to get him back ( I admit I did the regular begging business) and to move on When you establish a long period of No Contact, he will either forget about you or he will believe you are over him. Please do stop asking to get him back so that his power over you can stop. - When I tell him I've decided to stop chasing him and am willing to move on, I've put his gifts away and deleted a folder of our pictures from my laptop. He texts "I'm glad you got over it so fast" which to me seems like a very hurt and slightly sarcastic text Again, trying to place a guilt trip. Stop telling him what you do and feel. Its none of his business and he probably doesn't care anyways. Stop contacting him, and there will be no reason for those texts from him. You also won't have to put up with his way of trying to make you feel guilty. - I only deleted this folder because he has told me earlier that day he had deleted his as well....when I tell him I've deleted it he says "I never deleted you folder, but I'm glad you deleted mine" This is childish on his part. Stop him from doing this by simply ignoring him. After enough time of you ignoring him, he will get the point. - He constantly reinforces how HAPPY he is, and makes mention of how sad/depressed I am... You gave him the opportunity and fuel to do this when you kept contact with him and couldn't stick by your 'This is the last time we speak' attitude that you turn around and change within days. One more time, No Contact and all this ends. - The day he broke up with me I told him he would regret his decision, he agreed with me Well, do you need any further reminders of how much of a scumbag he is? - he stated that he wouldn't be able to find someone better then me...he always said this during our relationship as well It is all sweet talk. He will find someone better than you. You will find someone better than him. Guaranteed. - When I asked to meet him for his birthday, which was a week after our break up, he said it wouldn't be such a good idea as he would be drunk. He knows how much I dislike people getting VERY drunk, as I do not drink myself Well, one more reason for you to stop wanting to associate with this guy. A drunk scumbag...nice. - During our relationship he stopped drinking because he knew how I felt about it (I never told him he had to stop, this was his own decision)...right after the break up he got smashed on SEVERAL occasions drinking more then he normally ever would Getting drunk is an easy way to deal with a break up. Whether we are the dumper or dumpee, alcohol is a fun, but not healthy, way of forgetting our break up momentarily. Knowing so much about what your ex was up to after your break up only delays you healing. Stop this right away. - I finally went NC when I told him there was no way I could move on if we were still in contact, he agreed saying he would do what was easier for me Well he has SOME consideration for your feelings. Or he may have agreed with you just to shut you up. Either way, this is the way to go. No Contact. No ifs, ands or buts about it. - I asked him..what if he regreted his decision (again)? He said he wouldn't and that he made the right choice BUT if he did regret it, it was something he would have to worry about and not me He is absolutely right. He will deal with his regret however he feels necessary, if he even regrets this at all. - since our NC he has been very active on facebook...leaving comments on girls pictures similar to those left on mine previously. Block him on Facebook. Don't ignore it, or delete him as a friend. You need to BLOCK him. Blocking him stops you from seeing anything he does on Facebook, and doesn't allow him to see anything you do on Facebook either. You are self-inflicting heartache when you go around snooping on his Facebook. About 30% of the reason he is more active on Facebook is to get you all worked up and heated over it. Show him you're upset, and he wins the battle. He is winning the battle already. End this crap right away, and block him on Facebook. - he did not delete me off of msn OR facebook Do it for him, and block him. You are holding onto falso hope and this is not healthy. It is time to take control of yourself again. - I broke NC once as I felt I was ready to be just friends..the conversation was brief and very awkward. I didn't bring up anything from the past It varies from person to person, but as a way to keep focus, tell yourself you cannot be friends with this man until you have had 1 full year of No Contact. That means: No looking at his Facebook profile. No calling him. No texting him. No emailing him. No sending messages to him through a friend. No seeing him or hanging out with him. Distancing yourself as much as possible from mutual friends and anything that might trigger reminders of him. Once a full 365 days has passed of No Contact whatsoever, then you can think about being friends. DO NOT do it one day sooner. what do you guys think? Is my ex confused? or just being too needy What do I think? You have dragged this along way to far already. It is time you get yourself together and start working on yourself and cutting this guy out of your life. Change your phone number...no excuses! The sudden shock he will get from you disappearing will hit him where it hurts. It will also help you gain your self-dignity back because right now you are at a low point and you can't stay there much longer. You need to be strict and firm with the decisions you make and give yourself no option for anything less. If you start bending the rules of No Contact you are only setting yourself up for heartache later on. I know this might sound cynical, but you have to go all out with this or you will never get anywhere! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 What he's doing is playing a little "catch me if you can" type of game which puts him just where he wants to be...in control. This will continue for as long as you allow it to, and as long as you stoop to his level. I would tell him that you've accepted the breakup, and that you're moving on to better things. Link to comment
hater13 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 This all happened a week after our break up...after the first week I have not been in contact with him. currently on week 3 of NC..i don't even know I stopped counting lol Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 No, I don't think he's confused. He's selfish. What you have here is a case of a guy who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but doesn't want you to move on. That's why he's not respecting you when you say goodbye, and that is why he is refusing to return your stuff. He knows you'll keep in touch with him if he refuses to give it back to you. You're on the back burner just in case he ever wants you back. In the meantime, he gets to hurt your feelings by flirting with other girls and telling you how happy he is, and then he gets his ego boost when he watches you become upset about it. Do you really want to continue like this? It must be so painful for you. If I were you, I'd stop speaking to him, even if he contacts you. Just ignore him. I'd also send a friend over to go get my things from him if the things were important enough to me. If there's no value (emotional or monetary), I would tell myself that my sanity is not worth getting those items back and pretend they no longer exist. Do this and you will start healing. Link to comment
hater13 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 What he's doing is playing a little "catch me if you can" type of game which puts him just where he wants to be...in control. This will continue for as long as you allow it to, and as long as you stoop to his level. I would tell him that you've accepted the breakup, and that you're moving on to better things. Yes, I've told him I accept the break up..that was almost 3 weeks ago. Since then there has been no contact. Link to comment
hater13 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 these items were of no value, I just found it odd that he would want to keep them that's all lol. thank you for the advice Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 these items were of no value, I just found it odd that he would want to keep them that's all lol. thank you for the advice Good! Good luck to you. Hopefully realizing his immaturity will be a great boost to you for motivation to move on. Link to comment
hater13 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 Good! Good luck to you. Hopefully realizing his immaturity will be a great boost to you for motivation to move on. thank you so much Link to comment
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