She needs a break but promises to come back and I'm confused.

[Bp1985]

I have been dating a girl for about 5 months. I’m 25 and shes 21. Its sort of a long distance relationship in that she lives 2 hours away, however we talk every day and see each other every weekend. There was something special about her from the start, and she said the same about me. It was a feeling neither of us had ever felt before. We’re very much in love with each other, we already talk about getting married and having kids one day. We have so much in common with each other, the match just seems perfect. However, I have trust issues and insecurities when it comes to relationships because of things that have happened in my past, I made these clear up front. I wanted to be honest with her about who I was. I told her that it may be tough at times but that I’m working on it. She told me she’d stick by me no matter what as long as I was trying to work on my issues. I even started seeing a counselor once a week to try and work things out. Recently the issues have come up, nothing real major, but just a few small arguments. Fast forward to this past weekend. We had a bit of a fight and almost broke up. To make a long story short, she made me realize I had been doing a lot of things that made her uncomfortable in the relationship. My trust issues and insecurities had been getting the best of me and my actions, although I didn’t realize it, had really started getting to her. Between * her work, school, and family issues, it was becoming too much pressure to try and keep the relationship happy. So she said she wanted a break. I let her cool off and text her that night and said I didn’t wanna lose her and if we could talk about it and fix things then lets do it. She agreed and I poured my heart out, telling her everything that I realized I was doing and how it was affecting her and that I was going to change. We decided to stay together and work things out. She told me she loved me and never wanted to be without me. Well the very next morning, the first text I get from her she tells me shes having a crappy day but wouldn’t tell me why. Instead of being supportive and telling her I’m here if you need me, I pressured her. I wanted to know what was wrong with my girlfriend. I ended up making a big mistake and texting her mom and telling her what had happened over the weekend and that I was worried. Well that pissed my girlfriend off, and with good reason. I should’ve never text her mom. Anyway, I didn’t text my girlfriend the rest of the day, I decided to let her cool off. Then that night I get a text basically saying she needs some time to get everything straight in her life, get her feet on the ground and be stable before she can be fully committed to me because shes not happy with where she is. She told me she loves me but its not fair to me if shes unhappy and not fair to her to put the things she needs to do last because all she thinks about is me, she’s lost and she needs space. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said theres no one else that she ever wants to be with, she cant wait to spend her life with me and have a family with me and that she promises she’ll be back after she gets everything together. I asked her if she really truly thinks she’ll be back and she said she knows it. I’m so confused, I don’t understand women. How can you say you love someone and can’t wait to spend your life with them but still want to be apart from them. I don’t know if this is just an excuse or if shes being honest. How much time to I give her? What do I do? I want her to know that I realize where I’ve screwed up and Im making every effort to fix it. I feel like if I could somehow prove to her that things could go back to how the relationship was in the beginning, when everything was fun and lighthearted and there weren’t conversations about trust issues and insecurities. I wanna call or write her so bad to tell her these things but if there’s any chance left I don’t wanna screw it up by pressuring her. I just don’t know what to do.

[shessofly]

give her all the space she wants. no calling, texting her or her mother, emails, facebooking, etc. leave her alone right now. any amount of pressure will only serve to push her further away.

 

whether it is an excuse or not, only time will tell. how long you wait is up to you. i personally would not wait forever. it seems when people start asking for breaks that more times than not it's the precursor to a breakup. it's not just women that do this.

 

when you do talk don't try to tell her how much you've changed, just show it by your actions. and don't try to push numerous talks about the relationship.

 

your best bet right now is to work on your issues and continue on with your life as much as possible. you need to work on that insecurity stuff for your future, not necessarily with her.

[Bp1985]

I understand what you're saying, and i agree. I just don't get how someone can say the things she said to me about marriage and children as often as she did and then do this. And she keeps promising she wil be back, she's trying to get things in her life together first. She was even the first to initiate communication yesterday by telling me she missed me, and when I didn't respond back she said oh you've forgotten me already. I eventually texted her back and there was more assurance that I was the only one she loved and shed come back to me. The topic of seeing each other this weekend came up and she said she though lt it would be too hard. I just don't get it.

[shessofly]

well you should tell her that it's too hard for you to keep in contact with her during this break she has requested. don't fall for her guilt trips when you choose not to answer. when she makes a decision about where your relationship is headed she can give you a call then. if it drags on too long you may need to make some decisions yourself.

[Bp1985]

Obviously nobody knows what shes thinking and what she wants but her, but does the whole "I need to get my life in order but I'll be back" sound like just an excuse. Everything was fine until this past weekend, I guess the fight brought out a lot of frusteration and resentment she had been building up towards me because of my lack of trust in her. Marriage was a constant topic. We were very much in love. And there were numerours texts throughout the day confirming that (remember, this was kind of a LDR). And now that its over, on more than one occasion she has said she was going to come back. Promised it, even. I just don't know what to think or expect.

[shessofly]

well if you cruise the forum you will see that most people whose partner requested a break ended up in a complete break up situation. don't take the promises she is making you too seriously. in the end it will be her actions, not her words that matter. you might get more responses if you break your first post into paragraphs. it's really hard on the eyes when it's all lumped up like that.

 

but i would give her all the space in the world right now. let her see what life is like without you. this way she can decide whether she wants you in it or not