Ex talks bad about me?

[dietpepsi]

There was no cheating or anything like that to cause a vindictive attitude, they don't have any reason to be mad at me, they ended it as well, it was just out of the blue. They have told me they care about me, and wishes they had never hurt me. We work together, and recently I've heard that they have been occasionally bad mouthing me, even though no one knows we ever went out? They ignore me then talk to me, rinse repeat. I recently stood up for myself and said no more, and we've been NC for a month now. The bad mouthing however had happened before that. However were in light contact during the period where i was being badmouthed.

 

This person who said they harbored no ill will to me and wishes me the best, and is really sorry for what happened, has been bad mouthing me at work? I have never done such, so i don't understand why they would, especially when no one knows we went out? I've been nothing but mature and patient, and have resisted my every urge to "tell them off"

 

Does anyone have any experiences to share or opinions? Thanks!

[ForumGuy]

Someone might know you went out....maybe?

 

Most of the time when people bad mouth an ex for no good reason, it is to ease their own selfish mind and "justify" their decision. The way I see it, in order for them to feel right about breaking it off with you, you must be some kind of "monster" so to speak. So they have to let other people know how bad you are and how right they are for leaving. IMHO

[absinthe]

People rarely tell the truth when it comes to reasons for break up. Also, when it comes to office gossip, it's not reliable since most often statements are taken out of context and mutate. Consider the children's game of Telephone.

 

You're also more sensitive to what's being said by him. If he were just another employee, would this matter as much?

[dietpepsi]

Someone might know you went out....maybe?

 

Most of the time when people bad mouth an ex for no good reason, it is to ease their own selfish mind and "justify" their decision. The way I see it, in order for them to feel right about breaking it off with you, you must be some kind of "monster" so to speak. So they have to let other people know how bad you are and how right they are for leaving. IMHO

 

I'm pretty sure no on knows, or at least "officially" has been told. The weird part is that she would say things, despite talking to me, waving, saying hi or sending funny emails etc.

I'm one of the very few attractive males in the office, and I've been getting a lot attention recently on my new wardrobe, and I've been working out for a few months, and have lost some weight, and feeling really confident about it all, I am honestly 300% more attractive then when we dated (becoming shiny and new really helped me through a rough time) so maybe its like you said? Maybe she's just angry that I'm looking so well and getting so much attention! Still it hurts, because i haven't said a coarse word about her to anyone here, or to anyone really.

 

 

@ab

Yeah normally i wouldn't take gossip into consideration, but i was forwarded some emails by some people who thought she was a little out of line. But you are right, it wouldn't be as hurtful it was said by someone else. Inside she knows I'm a stand up guy as they come, so thats why it hurts. Yeah i know she isn't telling me the truth about our breakup, and never has, it's frustrating.

 

 

Should i take the high road and just ignore it? It's tough, but we have been NC for almost a month, so i would hate to put the car in reverse at this point.