Looks vs. Personality. (Trying to organize some thoughts on the issue)

[Gilroy]

It's only shallow or superficial if you're dating someone for their good looks. Such as dating a woman for her breasts and not caring about her personality. That is shallow.

 

To be honest I think that the term "shallow" doesn't sit well when it comes to Dating. People date people that they are attracted to. To judge someone as shallow simply because what they are attracted to is different than your criteria is really rude. A guy can date a girl because he is very attracted to her breasts. Is he shallow? not necessarily. A girl can date a guy because he is very tall. Is she shallow? again, no. People are free to date whomever they want to.

[Cognitive_Canine]

To be honest I think that the term "shallow" doesn't sit well when it comes to Dating. People date people that they are attracted to. To judge someone as shallow simply because what they are attracted to is different than your criteria is really rude. A guy can date a girl because he is very attracted to her breasts. Is he shallow? not necessarily. A girl can date a guy because he is very tall. Is she shallow? again, no. People are free to date whomever they want to.

 

But if you are dating someone purely because of their looks, that's shallow.

 

I agree you should be attracted to your partner. But, if all you have is an physical attraction to your partner, I would consider that shallow.

[YakasJourney]

If I start talking to an extremely hot girl...that "hotness" disappears unless I like being around her and talking to her. In fact the only scenario I can imagine where "only looks" count is if I was having sex with a complete stranger.

[GoneCrazy]

I agree...and i'll leave it at that.

[testcase]

I pretty much agree with everything CuriousGirl said. I rarely ever see a girl I am ridiculously attracted to purely physically. Generally though i am attracted to a lot of girls. So I guess personality it what bumps it up that notch for me.

 

Now with that said... I do need to be attracted to a girl to date her. So I won't just date anyone.... but I do feel I'm way less picky than most guys cause of my broad attraction.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

This section of this site is a perfect example of how personality only is third out of the three.

 

'I have a crush on this attractive guy/girl. How do I approach him/her'

 

We see threads like these all the time. I even made a couple myself. Where does personality come into play here? It doesn't. Personality is a mystery here. It's pure infactuation about physical attraction and there is nothing wrong or shallow about it. It's nature.

 

We all would like to hook up with these people that we see and take it from there. Personality comes into play afterwards.

 

I have zero luck in the dating world because of my lack on looks. It makes it worse that the guys I hang out with have looks and as a result, have no problems getting dates. I have a lot of friends but it's obvious why I don't have or never had any girlfriends at 37 years of age. It's nothing about my personality, everyone says I have a wonderful personality. Makes me sick to hear that now.

 

Being shallow is when you despise their personality but want to remain in the relationship. It's not shallow to turn down a girl or guy because you're not physically attracted to them. That's just nature.

 

Personality is key in keeping someone but it is so overrated at getting the person. Yes there are people who don't care about looks but in the dating world, when you want to approach someone, it's non-existent. I know what I'm talking about, I'm Mr. Persnality. Dateless Mr. Personality.

[Fudgie]

I don't know, I guess it differs from person to person. I also thing that as people grow older, they get less superficial (usually). Probably because looks are starting to fade so they are starting to appreciate people more for their personalities.

 

I have been able to give relatively unattractive people a chance and I really fell in love with their personalities and that made it all up for me. Really, if a guy has a winning personality (in my mind that is, hard thing to do) then I don't care what he looks like at ALL. I can learn to find him attractive.

 

My current boyfriend is quite overweight and such, but I am really in love with him. He has a great personality and we really mesh. I honestly wasn't that attracted when we met but I've really come to appreciate him as a person and have found things to like in his appearance as well!

[Day_Walker]

It seems to me that generally people are attracted to people who perpetuate what they are familiar with in their family life. As for what each person finds physically attractive usually has more to do about how that person views their own attractiveness and other rationalizations that they have made about attraction.

 

I like to believe that I operate on pure physical attraction, meaning that I make no qualms about approaching and talking to a girl completely based on how I perceive her to look. Now after the approach I get a chance to learn what she is working with upstairs. If I find that I can relate to the girl then at that point she seems datable if not then I move on.

[Crush85]

I have been able to give relatively unattractive people a chance and I really fell in love with their personalities and that made it all up for me. Really, if a guy has a winning personality (in my mind that is, hard thing to do) then I don't care what he looks like at ALL. I can learn to find him attractive.

 

That last part scares me. I wouldn't want a girl to have to learn to find me physically attractive; she either does or she doesn't. If a girl loved my personality but wasn't physically attracted to me AT ALL (...not even a little bit), my confidence level would go way down.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

That last part scares me. I wouldn't want a girl to have to learn to find me physically attractive; she either does or she doesn't. If a girl loved my personality but wasn't physically attracted to me AT ALL (...not even a little bit), my confidence level would go way down.

There was a Seinfeld episode where George Costanza said something that was hilarious and something I think is quite common. He was interested in this girl and he asked Elaine to find out what she thought of him. The girl said "Oh I like George. Looks don't matter to me." Elaine told this to George, he was bummed out and said "I would rather have her hate me and think I'm attractive." I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of us feelthe same way if we heard what George was told. The insecurity in the relationship as soon as someone gorgeous comes into the picture would be crazy.

[LightbulbSun]

I think people equate 'good looking' with the celebrities that are on tv and on your radio station. The problem is, more people are average looking than good looking, so to judge yourself by a Keira Knightley or a Brad Pitt is, well, crazy.

 

I've seen some ugly guys with attractive girls, and some ugly girls with attractive guys. Haven't you ever seen that one couple, and wondered...what in the world did she/he see in him/her? The answer is personality, although, personality means something different to every person.

 

For example, I know this guy in my class who's so funny. I mean, he's hilarious. However, he's average looking (at best), but when you look at him, you're not looking at his facial features, you're laughing your ass off at something he just said.

 

The girl I'm crushing on right now might like him, but I find her funny, too. Both of them are highly attractive, because of their personalities. And that guy is one of the few that I would say for certain I would turn gay for (well, not really, but if that sense of humor was in a girl, I would marry her in a heartbeat.) And I can see what a girl would see in him.

 

Point in this story is, sometimes a sense of humor can make someone more attractive.

[SnowFox]

I saw this picture on the web and thought it was appropriate for this thread- I will just let the pic speak for itself

 

image removed

[crazylovebug]

I saw this picture on the web and thought it was appropriate for this thread- I will just let the pic speak for itself

 

image removed

 

This picture made my day...I laughed so hard that two people turned around in the school library to see what I was laughing about!

[LightbulbSun]

This picture made my day...I laughed so hard that two people turned around in the school library to see what I was laughing about!

 

What's so amusing about two people who obviously love each other?

 

I hate this crap, it's either A.) The person is shallow and can't see past looks, or B.) The person is not shallow, and can see past looks, but stupid people make comments about them behind their backs.

[Lamour detruit]

What's so amusing about two people who obviously love each other?

 

I hate this crap, it's either A.) The person is shallow and can't see past looks, or B.) The person is not shallow, and can see past looks, but stupid people make comments about them behind their backs.

 

Unfortunately, the picture right there is not how real life works most of the time. It resembles some old rich guy (possibly well known, who knows), and one of his younger conquests that is with him for..obvious reasons.

 

it is entirely possible for someone not considered "attractive" by society to be with a highly attractive female, but this picture does just not reflect life realistically.

[crazylovebug]

What's so amusing about two people who obviously love each other?

 

I hate this crap, it's either A.) The person is shallow and can't see past looks, or B.) The person is not shallow, and can see past looks, but stupid people make comments about them behind their backs.

 

I apologize for offending you. On a serious note I really do believe (and agree with you) that there is much more to love than looks. But at the same time...this particular picture clearly illustrates a situation where she is 99.99% with him for his money.

 

The reality of shallowness is not funny, but this picture is funny! Again, I don't mean to offend you, but I urge you to lighten up and have a little sense of humor!

[SnowFox]

But at the same time...this particular picture clearly illustrates a situation where she is 99.99% with him for his money.

 

The reality of shallowness is not funny, but this picture is funny! Again, I don't mean to offend you, but I urge you to lighten up and have a little sense of humor!

 

This picture is of the man who was dating Heidi Klum the supermodel. He got her pregnant and then wanted nothing to do with the child.

 

Heidi then met Seal and now has 3 kids with one on the way.

 

The man in the picture is married to that woman (another model) and they have had a child together.

 

PS- I am glad it made you laugh. I did too when I saw it.

[Gilroy]

I saw this picture on the web and thought it was appropriate for this thread- I will just let the pic speak for itself

 

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For people that are confused about what exactly is shallow - this is it. Right here!

 

It is quite obvious why the gorgeous female is with this old man... And no I am not talking about his personality

[crazylovebug]

This picture is of the man who was dating Heidi Klum the supermodel. He got her pregnant and then wanted nothing to do with the child.

 

Heidi then met Seal and now has 3 kids with one on the way.

 

The man in the picture is married to that woman (another model) and they have had a child together.

 

PS- I am glad it made you laugh. I did too when I saw it.

 

Speaking of funny...that cat avatar of yours made me laugh as well!

[GoneCrazy]

I think it was TMZ that i saw it on that guy is some multi-billionair. Which proves my point (and may others) the way you get a super hot girl is being a supermodel yourself or having a very tick bank account.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

image removed

 

And this is the guy with Heidi. He's worth around 50 million. What I want to know is, wasn't Heidi pretty rich herself when they met?

 

image removed

[randomgirl59]

For people that are confused about what exactly is shallow - this is it. Right here!

 

It is quite obvious why the gorgeous female is with this old man... And no I am not talking about his personality

 

you call this shallow, well what if I were to say that I would never be with this man (or any man who looks like this) regardless of how much money he had. Because its true. I never would, I don't care how rich he is, how much money I may get. The thought of kissing him, let alone sleeping with him, makes me a little sick.

 

So that makes me shallow right? My gosh what a horrible person I am! It's no win is it? its shallow if a woman dates a man like this for money, yet also shallow if she doesn't date him because of his appearance.

 

I think a lot of guys should stop crying "shallow" because men ultimately choose women based on looks..why the hell does the media always place importance over a woman's looks over her intelligence, for example? why do we buy into it? to look hot, to get male attention, and to land a boyfriend and/or husband. Additionally, if this pic were reversed and it was a hot young man with a fat old lady, I'm sure you'd all be spewing.

 

Maybe this woman is shallow for dating him because he's rich, but that's no different then all the men out there who want the hottest women do display as a trophy wife. And like I mentioned before, I'm not shallow if I wouldn't date him because of his money, but I am shallow if I wouldn't date him because of his looks. I swear there's no pleasing anyone. If all the not so attractive guys out there want women to pay attention to them, then you better start paying attention to all the not so attractive women too. Its a two way street.

[Gilroy]

you call this shallow, well what if I were to say that I would never be with this man (or any man who looks like this) regardless of how much money he had. Because its true. I never would, I don't care how rich he is, how much money I may get. The thought of kissing him, let alone sleeping with him, makes me a little sick.

 

So that makes me shallow right? My gosh what a horrible person I am! It's no win is it? its shallow if a woman dates a man like this for money, yet also shallow if she doesn't date him because of his appearance.

 

Hmmm... not sure why you seem to be upset with me.

 

It does not make you shallow to not want to date this guy because you do not feel like kissing him. Why would it make you shallow??? We all date people that we feel like kissing and making out with. People that we find attractive. There is nothing wrong in being attracted to someone's looks.. we are not talking about friendships here. We are talking about dating. You seem to be upset with the fact that men choose women based on looks... but yet you are right here saying that you will not date this guy because of the way he looks. Women also choose men based on looks ok?

[randomgirl59]

Hmmm... not sure why you seem to be upset with me.

 

It does not make you shallow to not want to date this guy because you do not feel like kissing him. Why would it make you shallow??? We all date people that we feel like kissing and making out with. People that we find attractive. There is nothing wrong in being attracted to someone's looks.. we are not talking about friendships here. We are talking about dating. You seem to be upset with the fact that men choose women based on looks... but yet you are right here saying that you will not date this guy because of the way he looks. Women also choose men based on looks ok?

 

Yea it does go both ways, but that doesn't change the fact that many men would think a woman shallow for not dating a man for his looks, but also think they're shallow for dating just because of his money. TWO things. What is the one and only thing men are shallow about? Looks. One thing. Not to mention its practically acceptable for men to date based on looks.

 

You may not think that its shallow for not wanting to kiss him because he's unattractive, which is great. People shouldn't have to date who they aren't attracted to. Many others would sing a different tune though, these types of posts are all over this site. Its annoying to hear how many would regard a woman as shallow because she doesn't want him for his looks, and others would regard her as shallow because she only wants him for his money. It's a no win situation. That's what I'm upset..well..not really upset, just mildy irritated at. Not you.

[thathoopla]

I fall in the middle.

 

However, I have more faith in looks because, at least, what you see is what you get. It's right there in front of you, and it is something tangible.

 

With personality, people can hide many things. People can put on an act. People can lie and trick you. People also have different personalities for different groups of people.

 

Looks and personality are 2 things that attract me to a person. They are distractions. But when I judge if a person is good, I look to their character, the choices they make and their beliefs.