RedDress Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Hi! I've been posting here for a little bit, but this is the first time I've needed advice/opinions on my own life... so here's my first thread! About 2 years ago I dated this guy "Fred". We met at a mutual friend's wedding and really hit it off. It was a very short relationship - we went out about 4 months or so and then broke it off. It was a LDR (he lives in my hometown about 300 miles away). There were many factors leading to the breakup... the long distance thing... arguments about differing sex drives (the man has NO sex drive - yeesh!)... conflicting schedules... jealousy... although I never said anything, I'm pretty sure he was lying to me... If it means anything, he broke up with me because he 'wasn't sure he'd have the time to come and visit me like he should'. It was weak but I didn't argue. Not to be offensive or anything, but the whole relationship just wasn't solid or worth persuing. While dating and even before the breakup, I made it VERY clear that I don't do the 'friends with exes' thing. I think it's just a whole lot of drama. So... when we broke up, I sent him a nice email explaining that I wasn't mad and didn't hate him or anything but that - nothing personal - I was unfriending him on FB. It's just 'policy'. I mean... who wants to follow or be reminded of that? Not me. He already knew from previous conversations that I'd do that. Not a shocker. That was the last time I spoke to him (about 2 years ago). It was a relatively clean break. Yesterday he tried to re-friend me on FB. Now... to clarify... he lives 300 miles away so my odds of running into him are next to nothing unless I am in my hometown on holidays. We DO have mutual friends, true, but even at that I am friends with his friend's sisters. So it's like a 3rd degree of seperation thing. The odds of us running into each other at a social event again are also very slim. I basically know enough about him (and probably he about me) to know he's alive. That's about it. So, not to be rude but also not wanting to start anything, rather than accept his friend request, I just sent him a note saying "what's up?". He wrote me back saying that he saw me comment on something on FB and just wanted to say hi and see how I'm doing. After 2 years??? I don't really want to be rude - we DO have that slim connection and I am just not like that... and I don't hate him... but why, suddenly, is he contacting me after 2 years??? What's the point? It's not even like we could hang out if we wanted to - he lives 300 miles away! I don't get it. Any thoughts/advice/theories/nuggets of wisdom to share? Should I just ignore it? Be polite but brief? We were never friends before we dated and we didn't even have a strong/close relationship. I just don't get why you'd want to catch up with someone and just leave it at that. Does the conversation go: Him: "What are you up to?" Me: "I'm doing X, Y, Z.. you?" Him: "I'm doing A, B, C" Me: "Ok then - talk to you in another 2 years"????? Am I overreacting? What does he really want? Link to comment
Crystal Clear2 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 After 2 years, sounds as if nothing has come good in his life and he's taking his chances by hoping your free and may all of a sudden connect with him. Lose him. Just dont reply or contact him again, who cares what he really wants, does it matter if youre not interested... I had a similar thing happen with a guy after 5 years. Told him i had moved on and not to contact me again... it was easy. Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 Thanks, browneyedgirl. You are probably right. I guess I just don't want to jump the gun and shut him down if he's just being friendly because of the friends connection (I don't want to be the 'witch')... but, like, it's kind of ridiculous. Link to comment
Crystal Clear2 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Red dress, even if you do have mutual friends, just be polite, and just dont bother with him... people get desperate and try it on with an ex to see if there will be a response.. you'll be right... Link to comment
ElectricSheep123 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Hmm, I was going to say that if no feelings are involved and there's no chance of you developing feelings, then just do a friendly chat now and again. Add him to your limited profile (to control what he can see on your fb). But he's probably just thinking that it's been 2 years and you guys are past that. Don't force it, but if it's not going to set you back, then I say it's probably not a big deal. If he starts messaging you too much or writing on your wall, then you should get rid of him again (block him completely). Link to comment
SingleStar Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 God i think you are total;over reacting here! You dates briefly its been 2 years you can have him on your facebook surely... its only facebook! sounds like he is just being friendly..... Link to comment
Rotxsen Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 If he's being friendly just talk to him and if you get any feeling just go with the flow don't worry people do change you know? Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I agree, just see what happens. It's been 2 years and you really weren't in a relationship so what gives? Link to comment
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