how do you handle repeated rejection?

[LAYAAN]

I have been turned down repeatedly by men in marriage market. My close friends think that none of those men were marriage material anyways, so I should be thankful that they rejected me. I am really having a hard time letting go and finding peace in my heart.

When I'm by myself, I tend to ask myself, "Why was I turned down?" I was never provided with a feedback. Its difficult to meet someone hoping that this time things will work. Very soon you find out that you are answering same set of Qs and getting judged. I tend to take this to heart. I tend to internalize my hurt. I tend to beat myself up, play the incidence over-n-over in my mind. Ask myself "What did I do wrong?" I'm afraid of going out with anyone due to the fear of getting rejected and having to deal with these feelings again. It has gotten to a point that if I even sense a guy may not be interested, I just get out of there, stop calling them suddenly, ignore their online profile, so I don't have to see their face again, so they don't get the upper hand, but I try to retain the power, the control. I don't like how I react just to rejection or the fear of being rejected. This is being very detrimental to my mental health. I want to change this and be a person that is confident no matter what.

 

How do you handle repeated rejection and not let it get the best of you?

[Gath]

alcohol.

 

Seriously however, I handle rejection the same way I handle failed relationships. I pick myself up and put my heart back together while I keep trying to move forward.

 

You only lose when you stay down.

[misssmithviii]

You must first be confident enough in yourself and have that sense of self-worth in order to be able to handle rejection.

 

I remember who I was before the relationship, and I reflect on how strong I was then, during and that I still am a strong person regardless. Even if you feel weak, being able to handle a relationship without using any sort of mind-altering substances (I hope you were joking Gath ^_^) is a strong quality.

 

You will be rejected in life and you will reject people too. It's nothing against you, it's just not right, it just doesn't quite fit.

My father told me "The one you love will not love you, and the one who loves you, you will not love. All up until you meet the right one."

I've held onto that since I was pre-teen and it kept my head up knowing that if ever a relationship or friendship didn't work out, it's not my loss - it's theirs, they were obviously not meant to be in my life and I accept that wholeheartedly.

 

I hope you find the strength you have inside you to push through this fear, because fear is the greatest inhibitor of all. I think you're panicking in a sense, so scared that something could/might go wrong that you ruin it yourself so that you're in control... because the thought of somebody else making that decision means that they had the say of what you received/got by taking it away.

 

Stomp out that fear, find that confidence I know you must have within you and you will overcome this.

 

^_^ I wish you the best.

[In the Dark]

More often than not, the men who are pursued by women and not the other way around are the same men who have multiple options to choose form so why settle when there are so many to choose from, handed to them on a silver platter?

[Mauxly]

I don't do the online dating thing, that's how. I've done it, but it takes a stamina that I dont have. There is just so much rejecting/ rejection that I find it emotionally draining.

 

Think about it. I'm sure that you've rejected at least as many people as have rejected you.

 

I get the feeling of over abundance with online dating. After all, there is always a new profile right around the corner right? I know it has worked for some people, but they must enjoy the process way more than I did.

 

So far as handling rejection while traditionally dating? I try not to take it personally. I am learning to appreciate myself on my own and to not judge myself through the eyes of others. It takes practice but it is a gift! I also know that I am very paticular about who I jive with. If have to reject someone it is not because they are flawed (usually). It is because they aren't the right person for me. When rejected, I try to see it that way. It softens the blow.

 

I can't imagine the pressure if a marriage website! Eeep!

[OntheWire]

Why do you want to get married so badly when you're not in a relationship? This seems somewhat like saying you want to get tenure before you've even found a job for which tenure would apply.

 

I think you just need to take life a day at a time. Don't put so much energy into trying to make things happen that are out of your control. People that do that tend to make each day into a miserable experience by focusing on what isn't there. They miss out on the good of each day. Then one day they wake up 40 years old, feeling like they've never had a good day in their lives.

[LAYAAN]

Thank you so much everyone. Your replies were insightful.

[LAYAAN]

Why do you want to get married so badly when you're not in a relationship? This seems somewhat like saying you want to get tenure before you've even found a job for which tenure would apply.

I think you just need to take life a day at a time. Don't put so much energy into trying to make things happen that are out of your control. People that do that tend to make each day into a miserable experience by focusing on what isn't there. They miss out on the good of each day. Then one day they wake up 40 years old, feeling like they've never had a good day in their lives.

Yes, what you say is so true. This is exactly how I feel. I've been putting so much emotional energy into this finding a man, feeling rejected, feeling hurt and repeating that in my head over n over that I have been just pushing through each day. I was hoping that one day all this will end when I finally meet that man and then its gonna be a new life.

[OntheWire]

Yes, what you say is so true. This is exactly how I feel. I've been putting so much emotional energy into this finding a man, feeling rejected, feeling hurt and repeating that in my head over n over that I have been just pushing through each day. I was hoping that one day all this will end when I finally meet that man and then its gonna be a new life.

 

The good news is you can start being happy today. Just put your mind on the good things you do have and enjoy them. If you can manage to keep doing that, then you may find the right guy will come along while you're not looking.

[jbrooklyn]

I tell myself when I am rejected to keep myself from being jealous of others that ...its not my zang. What I mean is you are looking for your zing/zang to life. Im the zing and I want my zang. So I just say...not MY zang when it doesnt work out. You dont want something in your life that doesnt belong to you cause you wont be happy about it.

[Shallow]

My father told me "The one you love will not love you, and the one who loves you, you will not love. All up until you meet the right one."

A wise man your father is. Story of my life better expressed cannot be.

 

In fact, just recently I was kind of falling for someone I met . . . turns out she doesn't like guys. How do I handle it? I quit!

[LAYAAN]

I appreciate your replies.

but I don't know what to do with sadness and anger. I want to be clear here... I'm not angry because they didn't choose me. I'm angry for the idiotic financial Qs that I was asked (you can refer to my older posts) and how I was judged and criticized for the choices I made. I made a mistake of not putting these people on check at that very moment. Now I feel hurt and angry because after taking all that crap on... they still turned me down. I want to send each one an email and tell them not to ask such finance-related Qs to women during 1st meeting. (Even if you are meeting for marriage and not dating) I have an intense desire to get even. I am having seriously difficult time letting go. Its getting the best of me. I hate myself for that. I was never this person that I've become now.