So Confused- Advice <input>needed

[smackme]

Ok Going to try to make this a short as possible. Been with my ex on and off for 18 yrs. We never could get it right as kids for he couldn't commit and was always unfaithful.

 

Back in 2000-2001 we got back together everything was GREAT except I couldn't trust him. We moved in together and all was going really well. Well, we were to move to a renatal on the beach and he made the comment of me setting up the 3rd bedroom in case he wanted to bring home some strange So I started dating and left him. He begged me to stay, stating he was playing ect... That we would have a baby whatever I wanted just don't leave. I told him I met someone that was willing to commit, had a education and steady job and left him. He followed me around for awhile even gave the guy I was with hell with his job. Than it faded.

 

Now 7 yrs later we are back in each others lives again. I still love him, he says he still loves me but now he is 39 me 35 and here we are with the same commimt issues. He states he wants me and loves me still too. But, will not commit. He was in a bad accident and has issues from it, but here he still is flirting and hitting on 20 yr olds. He says he I make him so happy. I am with him 5 nights out of the week, we cuddle, kiss, make love, sleep together, cuddle, go to out ect... Why the commit issues, why the girls old enough to be our children? I am so confused.. I would do anything for him he is my heart. He says he doesn't want to lose me either but he will not stop with these girls even has a personal on POF where all lies down to his age. He says he only responds when he gets mail and means nothing. Please...

This is a huge issue obviously, how can he love me and disrespect me when he knows how I feel. His whole family is unfaithful to thier partners is this why this is acceptable. He has only been in one serious relatuionship besides me supposivly.

 

Why string me along but refuse to commit?The other day after I found him with a 20 yr old he told me to give him time and not to push him. He does have serious control issues, and states he will not answer to anyone! ](*,)

I wish I could just walk away, but I can't. Is he ever going to grown up? Am I just comfort? Any thoughts

[pumpkinmoon]

You found him with a 20yr old? Doing what?

[smackme]

Oh yea! they had sex he says he did nothing wrong for we are not dating... Things seem to be a bit better after this, and the talking we had the following days. Oh yea and how he has slept with her for the last 2 yrs when I was gone. I am supposed to believe she was the only one in the last 8 months too.

I just don't get why he would even want me around. He doesn't take this girls serious like a game to him to try to bed them...

Worse part is due to the accident he has ED. Always a gamble of when things will rise.

So what do you do with commitment, control, and infidelity issues

I don't want to leave him, I love him but??

I told him I was going to start dating. He told me I will be back and remember the grass is not greener on the otherside. I should realize it by now. If he says this why, do these games?

[sidehop]

It does sound like comfort, after all you two been together for this long, it would be hard to just completely let go of someone.

 

If he has history of cheating and continues to act the way he does you're wasting your time when you can be with someone that's ready to commit and be in a stable relationship.

[pumpkinmoon]

He doesn't sound like he is capable of a real relationship to me. Even after all there years, nothing has changed or improved on his part. I think you are wasting your time with him.

[Mauxly]

I think you have three choices here-

 

You can try ti change him (you can't). Spend however many years in an unstable relationship with no security, feeling disrespected and used.

 

You can leave him once and for all.

 

Or you can try to get your head around an open relationship with love and solid ground rules. It is not my thing, but I do know a few really happy/successful couples that have done this for years. From what I understand, the key to this is absolute trust, respect, and solid rules.

[thinktwiceok]

I think he will never change, and you will continuously hurting yourself. I was in the similar situation before, but it was like a hell. You should stop getting into the same trap again.