Meet up after Facebook.

[nicknick]

The devil has done his work again.

 

After many years i've made contact with a whole bunch of old school chums on facebook.

 

Now i'm not normally the jealous type . . .but oh my God how successful have they all become. All have big expensive houses, great high paid jobs and expensive motors!

 

Little old me has nothing in comparison. I have an average paid job (nurse) and i live with my girlfriend in a council house (because we can't afford to buy).

 

I have a first class honours degree. . . .they have no qualifications what so ever.

 

Fair play to them though for they have done well for themselves. . . .it almost makes me feel ashamed when we meet up. I've told them the truth about my situation and i feel that they look down on me because of it. They were good friends many years ago and now things feel somewhat different.

[nutbrownhare]

Why do you think they look down on you? If it's because of something they've said or done, they're not really worth having as friends. However, are you sure that it's THEM looking down on you, and not you looking down on yourself?

 

You have a first class honours degree and do a job which saves people's lives. It's sad that you feel ashamed about that in the face of material wealth. Many people who earn mega-bucks are haunted by the fact that their jobs may be meaningless, and material things can never replace a sense of meaning in your life and work.

 

You don't say how long it is since your recent meeting up, and I hope that things settle down for you in time. If these people like you as a person, they honestly won't care what sort of car you drive!

[exav]

This sounds similar, I was a straight A student in college and got a great programming degree. I'm stuck with a 50k a year job while my friends who never took school seriously are driving much better cars and have nice houses.

 

But I figured there are different kind of smarts after I met up with them. They didn't do good in school but used their charm, wit and motivation to succeed. I'm still friends with them but I feel there is big gap between them.

[nicknick]

This sounds similar, I was a straight A student in college and got a great programming degree. I'm stuck with a 50k a year job while my friends who never took school seriously are driving much better cars and have nice houses.

 

But I figured there are different kind of smarts after I met up with them. They didn't do good in school but used their charm, wit and motivation to succeed. I'm still friends with them but I feel there is big gap between them.

.

 

I'm certain they look down on me. We are planning a weekend away (all of us) on the booze and one of them said we'd better not plan somewhere to far away as " Nick probably won't be able to afford it". This drew stares at me waiting for a response.. . . .i agreed with them. They've also made comments about council houses and the types of people who live in them! One lad did apologise afterwards and said he thought the others were out of order.

 

It just seems such a shame to meet up with them after all these years and everything seems to be a competition between them as to who has the biggest and best of everything. I honestly feel i will distance myself as i don't see the point in being friends with people who make me feel bad about myself. Jealous? You bet i am. . . . .i think it's just a natural reaction though.

[nutbrownhare]

.

It just seems such a shame to meet up with them after all these years and everything seems to be a competition between them as to who has the biggest and best of everything. I honestly feel i will distance myself as i don't see the point in being friends with people who make me feel bad about myself. Jealous? You bet i am. . . . .i think it's just a natural reaction though.

 

I think you're wise to distance yourself - do you want friendship, laughs and compassion from your friends, or competition? I know which I'd want!

 

Being jealous of others, though, can be a useful way of letting ourselves know what we really want. So, take a long look at what it is exactly about these people which is triggering your jealousy - and see if there's a creative way you can give that to yourself.

[shes2smart]

So they have a lot of nice stuff. So what?

 

You don't know what their real financial picture is like....they could be in debt up to their eyeballs and trapped in jobs that they don't like but that pay enough so they can keep up with their payments. That's not the kind of stuff people like to post on facebook, but it's a common enough situation.

 

You also don't know the real quality of their relationships behind closed doors. Might be as great as you think....and it might not. How many times have you witnessed people who you thought had a great relationship divorce or break-up? I've seen it a time or two. None of us can know what another person's relationship is really like.

 

No one wins when you play the Comparison Game.