Why use my name?

[ForumGuy]

Don't know if this is the proper place for this one, but.....my ex and I got divorced about a month and a half ago. We were only married for a year. She does not have anyone new and keeps saying things like "you never know what the future holds" and "people get re-married all the time"...blah, blah, blah...all a crock of BS to me. I lose interest and feel better about all of it every day thanks alot to strict NC.

 

My question though, is why did she purchase a house in her married name...my last name? She stipulated in the divorce that her name be returned to her maiden name. If anyone has any ideas, I would appreciate.

 

She told me one time that she would like to buy a place, then "if we worked things out, we could rent it out"...I just don't think this is where she is at though. The only contact came after about 5 weeks, she emailed me trying to alleviate her guilt be telling me "how things really were" during the marriage and she needed to "get it off her chest". sheesh!!!!

 

Thank you.

[DN]

I wouldn't advise worrying about this. Let her do what she wants since it would be better not to take her back anyway.

 

Although it would be interesting to know how you found out that she did that?

[Sonicxman]

Do you have kids together?

[ForumGuy]

No kids, and I found out because a letter came to my house (which I kept in the divorce) from the title company. I thought it was concerning my house and actually it was concerning her new house. From there, I just look at the county tax website. Keeping with NC, I have not driven by her place nor do I plan on it.

[Sonicxman]

Do you have a uncommon last name?

[DN]

Ok - then put whatever name she uses out of your mind and concentrate on getting the rest of her out of your mind as well.

[Seraphim]

It is still legally her name. My mother used my step dad's name for 20 years after they divorced because she had used it in business and since she was already known in her business community by his last name so she did not change it. I do not think it is too big an issue.

[Fudgie]

As long as her doing this doesn't impart any financial or legal stuff to you, then I wouldn't worry about it.

 

Women are weird...I should know, I am one! Just keep going with your NC and let her be weird. You're doing the right thing.

[catfeeder]

Might be easier for her to exploit the credit she built with her married name than attempt to unwind it right now. She's entitled to deal with this in a time and manner most beneficial to her, as it has no impact on you.

[Baily]

My best friend said it best...

 

'she gained the name in marriage, now that she's not married...she doesn't get it.'

 

The surname is given WHILE MARRIED.....

 

tell her to change it...while you can't make her....I sure as heck would let her know that she gained that name WHILE being married....and now that you are not....no more.

[sandy cheeks]

Jezz! It's just a word, not a possession. I plan on keeping my married name because I have a son with the same last name. Also because I was married for ten years, live in the same community, and that’s who everyone knows me as.

 

So what if your x is walking around with the same last name? Does it harm you in anyway? In my community there are literally dozens of people with the same last name. Almost all are not even closely related. I don't see the issue.

[Hurting85]

There's not much you can do about the name thing. If I wanted to, right now, I could go down to the SSA and have my last name changed to yours.

[lostandhurt]

I have an idea why she did it.

Read your own thread. She got you to think about her and what she is doing and why.

 

What happened was the house papers were drawn up before the final disolution of marriage so that is the way it was recorded. Tis is what you need to believe it the truth and move on.

 

Lost

[Sylvie]

Changing one's name is a gigantic mess. In my state, whatever name you have stays on the deed until you sell the house or refinance. (There may have been another way to change it, but according to my banker, it was not worth the hassle.) I purchased my first home together with my now-ex before we were married. And, even though it was only months after that my name changed, my maiden name stayed on the deed until the day we sold it nine years later.

 

I'm sorry it bothers you that she kept the name. My ex told me that his name was a gift, like the wedding ring. I am free to keep both, and I have -- and I feel lucky that this, at least, was not an issue for us.

 

I think it's okay to be bothered by her actions, so long as you can work through it. I hope you find peace with it soon.

[ForumGuy]

Thank you to the last poster here. It doesn't bother me, I am just wondering why she used it when she was so adiment about going back to here old name. Much less of an issue for me now that another month has passed.

 

I now believe she had the new house "prequalified" under the married name.

[lostandhurt]

Well there you go!

 

Lost