It hurts so much I can't breath...

[MnSnR]

Wow, its now been 7 & a half month since we broke up. It still hurts like day 1. Hes been so close to coming back 3 times now. The last time was 4 weeks ago. He was telling me how much he loved me and even cried saying why does it all still hurt so much and that it killed him when we kissed when we were out. He started to get clingy again...Then I asked him to come back and he said he couldn't. We can't be together yet we can't be apart. I don't understand why I still care so much when hes such a horrible person. Hes a complete jekyll and hyde. Since that weekend 4 weeks ago, we had a massive argument and he ignored my calls/texts when he was meant to be having our daughter, so I got mad at him. I saw him for the first time since 4 wks today, he came to see our daughter. He just seemed more distant than hes ever been since the break up. He really is over me. I need to get over him but its impossible. It still hurts so much. Its because of how much he used to adore me. I just can't stop living in the past because it was such an intense relationship and he used to worship me...we were a little family. Surely it shouldn't hurt this much still. I feel like I'll never ever get over it. I don't get how some people can just stop caring after everything you go through together. Does anyone else here have a child with their ex? Or anyone whos been broken up with their ex for a while now like me? How do you feel? I don't even want to be alive. I have never felt so awful after seeing him today.

[Tanzi]

I don't get how some people can just stop caring after everything you go through together. Does anyone else here have a child with their ex? Or anyone whos been broken up with their ex for a while now like me? How do you feel? I don't even want to be alive. I have never felt so awful after seeing him today.

 

You aren't alone in feeling like this. A lot of people here on eNA, myself included, feel or have felt the same. When a relationship has been intense or even if wasn't majorly intense but nevertheless loving we tend to look back over these moments in total disbelief. Its all part of the shock but like every other emotion it starts to wain.

 

The reason it feels like you aren't making any progress is because your ex has pulled you back to square one several times. He raises your hopes and then dashes them again and again sending you right back to the point at which you first started. It is totally unfair of your ex to do this to you.

 

Its difficult I know when there are children are involved. I have three children with my ex husband and it makes it harder to move on when you have to have contact. My advice to you would be to have no contact with your ex now other than to discuss your daughter's welfare. From this point onwards try to make it about YOU moving forwards and not about your ex dragging you backwards. I know its difficult but try to put thoughts of reconcilliation out of your head. He has let you down too many times. Could you ever really be comfortable in a relationship with him? It would also be a good idea if you could come up with some sort of rota so you know exactly when he is going to have your daughter in advance (ie. every other weekend).

 

I was also in a situation, like you, whereby I had contact with another ex. I fact I am still in contact with him now. I have now met someone else and have finally been able to move on (though I have to admit that he does still have some kind of hold over me) but it took me over 1.5 years to get here ... and all because of the prolonged contact. Again my advice to you would be to cut all contact with your ex other than that which you have to have and only then keep it to the very minimum. It really is the only way you are going to be able to move forward.

[turnera]

The thing is, you CAN survive without him. If he were dead, you would be surviving. What you are really saying is that you WANT what you can't have, and that hurts.

 

So maybe it's time to get through the grieving stages and move on.

 

Look up the link removed.

[Live-N-Learn]

My ex and I do not have a kid together which would make it much more difficult to move on. Jelly gives sound sound advice, only interact within in conversations about your daughter. Do not discuss your realashionship with him. He is not wanting to come back and is stringing you along.

 

This pull/push is classic. He wants to make sure you are not moving on and that you are there for his emotional boost when he wants it. After he gets it, he disappears. Does he have another girl?

[MnSnR]

no he doesn't, he was in a rebound relationship which lasted 4 weeks and he left her because he was using her to try and block out the pain from our break up. He also wanted to make me jealous because he thought I was moving on. The thing is I don't think its to stop me from moving on (because as far as he knows I was over it ages ago and he thinks that I'm not bothered anymore)...he thinks I've already moved on. Our relationship was bad at the end, we would constantly argue because of money issues etc. and we were both very controlling. Thats why we can't be together yet we can't be apart. Hes been just as hurt by the break up but hes a lot stronger than me. God knows where he got the strength to leave me, because although I knew we weren't working and our relationship was bad at the time, I still could never have left like he did. I'm just gutted because for once it really does seem like he's over me and I hate that. I just don't want him to forget how much he used to love me. We were meant to get married and be a family. I just can't believe I pushed him away so much that he stopped caring. He used to be obsessed with me. I just can't seem to move on...I've tried and tried. I see other guys and I'm out with friends a lot but the only time I feel ok is when I'm extremely drunk, which just numbs the pain =/.

I feel like I will never get over it. I'm not good at letting go of people.

The problem is we have a lot of mutual friends aswell so its kind of impossible not to find out about what hes been upto. I just want to stop hurting. Its all I want. Its ridiculous that I'm still feeling like this almost 8 month after the break up. Thanks a lot for replying to my thread.

Jellybaby how long have you and your ex husband been apart? It is hard, extremely hard, especially when I have to see him regularly.

[turnera]

What have you done to change your life?

[Tanzi]

Jellybaby how long have you and your ex husband been apart? It is hard, extremely hard, especially when I have to see him regularly.

 

It will be 3 years at the end of July. Every relationship is different though and as hurt, devestated, shocked, angry, sick as I was in the beginning I can now honestly say that I probably wasn't as happy as I thought I was. When we were together there were times when I used to go to bed at night thinking that there must be more to life than this. My husband became a workaholic (still is) and even though we had 3 children together he had little time for us. His company was doing extremely well but we had little time to enjoy the benefits. The simple pleasures in life got lost amongst materialism and in between renovating what was meant to be our dream home, a new baby and the business we lost "us".

 

For six months I drifted along in a perpetual state of shock, trying to hold things together for the sake of our 3 girls, moving only sideways not forwards. Then when I was least expecting it someone else came into my life who turned things completely around. He is the one that I have written about here on eNA, NOT my ex-husband. He taught me how to enjoy life again, what is was meant to be about and how to enjoy the simple things. He showed me all that was wrong with my marriage and I will never EVER go back. BUT, like I said every relationship is different, and you won't necessarily feel the same ... I think deep down I'd wanted things to change and I wanted to move on.

 

I look back at the beginning of our break-up and I can't believe where I am now or how happy I am now. I have learnt so much and done so much since then. Whatever happens with your situation, you will one day be happy again and this experience with be looked upon as a one of life's lessons. I believe that everything happens for a reason.