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It hurts when I love


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From this thought-provoking article.




In an emotionally abusive relationship, one party systematically controls the other by:


•Undermining his or her confidence, worthiness, growth, or trust

•"Gaslighting" - making him/her feel crazy or unstable

•Manipulating him/her with fear or shame.


An emotionally abusive man controls his partner by manipulating her fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation; he threatens or implies that he might hurt her, leave her, or keep her apart from the things she loves. An emotionally abusive woman controls her partner by manipulating his dread of failure as a provider, protector, lover, or parent


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Reading this makes me so sad. I realized long ago that my ex was emotionally abusive, but I wasn't able to get out of that situation. He had me on a tight leash, but most of his abuse wasn't this verbally direct; he did a lot of it through ignoring me or undermining me ("if you don't like your major now, why do you think you should get a PhD in it?" "oh, okay, martyr, everyone has it worse than you"). It was miserable.

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my ex bf kept me on a "short leash" if i spent more than an hour with my best (guy) friend he would just walk up to me hold me around the waist untell we had to go, it seemed nice at first but it was very annoying at times (like when i NEEDED to go to the bathroom) and if i ever looked at another guy he would glare at me. he never did anything to hurt me its just the more he did that the more my friend treated it like a game, tried to make him mad.

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