why does he hate me =(

[yellowjello]

After breaking up, me and A stayed friends. Everything was fine, but recently he started acting differently - avoiding me and telling people I won't leave him alone and I'm constantly all over him trying to get back together. I don't know what caused this sudden turnaround because I was just talking to him as a friend like we always talk. I decided to clear things up. I told him I know he doesn't want to get back and I'm okay with bring friends. After that talk, I left him alone and stopped contacting him. He contacted me once with a random text.

 

Then, someone hacked into his facebook. He assumed it was me and got extremely annoyed at me. He told all his friends I'm a crazy psycho lunatic and had the worst opinion of me. He confronted me and told me I'm a psycho and to leave him alone unless I'm ready to admit to it. Then, some evidence came up suggesting (but not proving) it wasn't me. He told his friends it might not have been me. However its been two or three weeks since then and he hasn't said anything to me about it. I haven't spoken to him since the confrontation (other than me wishing him a happy birthday and him responding with a 'thanks').

 

I just don't understand why he doesn't care to say "hey never mind about all that". Why would he want things to stay on such horrible terms? And I don't understand why he is still so annoyed/has a bad opinion of me. I don't get why things are so bad..

[kittykat_12]

Dudes have egos.... can't do anything to change that. In fact, we all have a sense of pride, especially when it comes to an ex-bf or ex-gf. My advice, disappear from his radar. And that also means, staying away from facebook, msn, etc. He'll end up having more respect for you in the end. I know it's hard, and you want to confront him about everything, but spare yourself and just steer clear of all that drama.

[jettison]

Dumpers, along with facing guilt, often have a serious amount of projection. If he was dumped by someone, it might hurt his ego so bad that he'd lash out at the person and never want to have anything to do with them. In a sense, he may even think this is the only appropriate reaction. So, you wanting to be friends with him, to him, means that you don't respect yourself. Basically, it's "how can you possible put up with all my sheet!"

 

If you something isn't good enough for you in your estimation, and yet your ex will put up with it, you are liable to have a lesser opinion of them, warranted or not. The NC crowd? There's a "crowd" there for a reason. They never have to risk these prospects. The message to the dumper is clear: "You messed up, you pay the price."

 

All of this said, I realize very well that there are some dumpees who can legitimately be "just friends" with a dumper, but they are few and far inbetween. Always wanting something more is a subtext that is difficult to make go away because dumpers simply have a hard time believing it. If you're going to be a dumpee who attempts the illusion of immediate friendship, you better be prepared to take the friendship the full monty. It should include talking about new mates, who you're attracted to, and anything and everything else that you'd tell any other friend. If it doesn't? You're likely setting yourself up for a bad time.

[yellowjello]

Thanks for the replies. You're right I can see how me wanting to be friends would automatically make me seem a bit lower. I guess the only reason I thought it was different in our situation was because for about a month and a half we stayed friends with no problem. Being friends is actually what he wanted. I stayed super distant and he would always ask me why i don't talk to him. Originally yea he still had some feeligs for me so he would talk to me a lot. Then as time went on he lost interest. But even after he lost interest I continued talking to him. But he still was cool with me and spoke to me. I don't think it made him think bad of me or anything. He even called me on my birthday at midnight and he told me he hopes he can see me soon. So everything seemed fine. Then a week later he started acting annoyed. So I don't know if it's the mere idea of being friends with me that annoyed him. It seems like something else happened within that one week. Unless it's a common thing for dumpers to suddenly get hostile over night, the only way to know what went wrong is to analyZe everything that happened between us that one week which I obviously don't expect you to do. I was just confused about the facebook thing. I was confused about why his annoyance would stay even if he is doubting whether it is me.

 

These are the options I can see:

1. He isn't annoyed and doesn't see me badly but still doesn't want to say anything for some other reason.

2. He is annoyed and sees me badly because of the facebook thing even though he doubts if it was me.

3. He is annoyed and sees me badly because of whatever happened before that made him start avoiding me.

4. Combination of 2 and 3.

 

If I am missing anything do let me know!