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Please help me understand my situation, male and female opinions please~


lily_dog

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I'm 22 and just about finished up with uni.

For the last 6 months I was in a pretty intense relationship, and this was the second time I've ever been in love. I didn't really know you could fall in love more than once in your life. I just want some opinions because its all very confusing and i don't understand the male psyche. Sorry it's long, but it's pretty easy to read

 

in the last 4 weeks, things got rocky, we argued a far bit and feelings were a bit mixed and stuff. he wanted to keep going because he thought it could be fixed with work but i said that I'd rather break up than cheapen what we had.

 

I really didn't want to break up but I felt like it was the right thing to do, to reflect and so on. So I spent a week reflecting trying to figure out what I had maybe been doing wrong. No contact of course. then a week later called up and told him that i still had feelings for him, we should meet up and talk. But he simply was not interested "hey you made it perfectly clear it wasn't a break, it was a break up, i just changed my opinion about the whole thing and moved on, i'm over you" and the next day he had a new girlfriend. He also seemed a bit upset and said something like "why didn't you tell me this last week?" which i thought was weird.

 

It's just, could that be true? he was so cut a week earlier? Does he blame me for the breakup? did i bruise his ego and hurt him with a week of silence?

 

When we broke up he was resistant to the idea, but wanted to stay friends, said i was a good person and that he could grab his stuff eventually, very civil.

 

Anyway after my failed confession, I started seeing someone a few days later, and this person is a friend of my ex. To the friend my ex said "dude go for it i don't care about her any more" to me, i received...maybe 10 or so abusive emails saying that I was a terrible person playing with someone else's heart because i had told him I still had feelings for him so recently. Also saying i should suffer, I'm a liar, "i was bored of you and using you the last 3 months because you're so boring" stuff like that (mega mature).

 

I've been good...answered really calmly to a few and ignored the rest. but since then I've basically been, ignored and deleted from all contact possible.

 

he sends messages through people like "tell her i want my money back" which I'm ignoring at this stage. We share the same social club and friends so I'm annoyed he's being an ass and making it somewhat uncomfortable to see my friends, he also said "I'll make everyone there hate you" which he didn't do, but.....very immature.

 

We hung out 4 days per week or more for 6 months, not just dates but just watching TV, playing games and hanging out. despite a few problems in the last few weeks i would have imagined it would be pretty hard to forget me and move on, even if the rebound was potentially planned, though i kinda doubt it.

 

I suppose what i want is to be friends enough with him that my social group doesn't suffer, and so i could hang out with my new guy and him (after all they're friends)

 

All in all it's been 4 weeks and i suppose. I just wonder, what is this guy thinking? is he just hurt? I don't really understand what he's done, he's very contradictory, but at the same time, he's very charming, and sounds so sure when he says things, but i have the feeling its just a really great poker-face.

 

so what's going on here? and any tips as to what i can do? I'm pretty good at ignoring and being polite, what I've done so far. May run into the new couple tonight at a social event, first I've gone to in 4 weeks due to awkwardness... i'm just going to say hi and be nice even if I'm ignored. The new girl is nice and i don't think she knows anything about the emails or....him being so pissed at me and stuff, so nothing against her

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It sounds like he thought he'd hurt you by rebounding with someone else so quick, but it backfired on him because YOU had someone else so quick, too.

 

He's obviously not over you at all. I feel bad for his new girl.

 

Ignore him completely and good luck with new guy.

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It sounds like he's really hurt - thats why he's sending you all the nasty e-mails. He's trying to act like he doesn't care by saying that but he really does, its quite apparent. Do you think it's really a good idea to be so involved in his social circle at this point (dating a friend of his, going to a social event, etc?) It might be a good idea to just disappear out of his life for awhile.

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Thanks for the replies so far, hope there's many more to come~

 

The friend was not in this particular social network, and even asked my ex if he could come, and he said "yeah sure its fine" 0_0 that's what i mean about like a really good poker-face if it were me i'd tell them to leave me alone for a bit!

 

You think there's any hope of this blowing over and us all being chummy someday? with time of course....

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The friend was not in this particular social network, and even asked my ex if he could come, and he said "yeah sure its fine" 0_0 that's what i mean about like a really good poker-face if it were me i'd tell them to leave me alone for a bit!

 

It's definitely hurt feelings. Not everyone can deal with their emotions in a mature, constructive way. He's protecting his ego by saying things like "it's fine" because he doesn't want to appear like things bother him. And at the same time he is lashing out at you--anger stemming from hurt feelings.

 

You think there's any hope of this blowing over and us all being chummy someday? with time of course....

 

Depends on him really. He could get over it, or he could harbor this for a very long time. So there were things wrong in the relationship and he wanted to work on it, but you opted to end it? Can you elaborate on how it would've been "cheapening what you had?"

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teabea: Well he basically said that his feelings for me were mixed...and somewhat lessened from fighting. Basically though in 4 weeks, it was better but still not perfect, and i just felt like being with someone who didn't truly love me the same amount as i loved them would make me feel crap. in fact it was making me feel crap to hear words like "trying" every day, not knowing what the 'level' of love was, but knowing it was less than before, i think that was actually causing more fights lol....me thinking about it too much. we still saw each other every second day. I couldn't tell what was going on in his head really. maybe a break would have been a better idea, i just liked the idea of a clean break up a little more, thought it would bring more focus than a break.

 

ahwell I didn't expect him to get a new girlfriend so quickly, I just wanted time to analyse. Things go wrong sometimes I guess. he hasn't contacted me in a while now, maybe he's cooled off from the anger phase but he's most definitely still in hurt ignorey phase. I don't think it would be wise to contact him and try and make peace either....well i don't have much experience but i have a feeling he wouldn't take it well. that's why i'm a little worried about seeing him at social events, his explosions have made me nervous, but participle my friends are my friends....and i wont let him stop me seeing them. He's charming in public, i doubt he'd ruin his image by yelling and calling me a liar or a seducer or asking for his money back or anything~ should be safe if i just stay polite i think

 

He wasn't really a bad boyfriend to me, i mean i've heard e kept things from me and was hanging out with the girl he's dating now ALOT before we broke up, but he never really behaved badly, i don't THINK he told me any bad lies, just the usual boy stuff. its really just his behaviour now that's weird.

 

Thanks for all your answers people keep them coming~ I'm confused but i have been through bad breakups before so i'm not floundering, but your ideas and comments are a great ease to my confusion, so thank you for all help you have given and all that you may give in the future

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