kittykat_12 Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 I'll keep this short... We broke up ago almost a month ago. He needed space, which I was shocked about because he chased and chased me last year to get me to be his girlfriend. We're both close to the "marriage" stage of our lives so a couple friends have told me that guys sometimes withdraw before making a lifetime commitment. It's like they need to validate themselves as men on their own... Anyway, we did NC for the first 2 weeks. Started casually texting and emailing the past week, but I'm not interested in just being friends. Last time we chatted he said "I miss you". I didn't respond to it... is this his way of trying to open the door again? or is he just making sure I'm still around? Is it ok to tell him that I'm only interested in further communication if he's willing to commit to a second chance at us??? THANKS EVERYONE!!!! Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 It's hard to tell what he wants without talking to him... If you want to get back together, I would continue talking to him next time he makes contact, and if things feel/seem/are a bit more than "friendly", then I think it's fine to tell him it's "love me or leave me!" Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Share Posted April 26, 2010 its so strange... right after we broke up, i was looking for ways to get him back and didn't really want to go through the whole process... I wanted him back ASAP... now that almost a whole month has gone by, I'm wondering if it's too soon to reconcile... Link to comment
MikNomis Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 It's hard to determine what they mean when they say I miss you. I think the best thing to do is tell them thanks, but it does not matter whether they miss you or not, because you two are broken up. Now, if they want to get back together, they are forced to actually say they want you back instead of saying they miss you, which doesn't make it clear whether they want to get back together or not. Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah - I think it's time I stop being so sweet to him. The first few times we texted back and forth, I was so sweet and caring towards him. It got me nowhere.... Yesterday, he emailed me and asked if I wanted some magazines before he tossed them out. I just replied and said "no, thanks for asking". He wrote back a minute later asking how I was doing..... seems like I need to be more straight forward and not sugarcoat things to get him to open up. Link to comment
captain_james Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 You have to remember... they're probably pretty scared talking to you again. Stepping lightly and what not. Tread carefully, but don't friend zone yourself. I came out and told my ex: "it isn't fair to me for you to want just friends when we were so much more. I won't put myself through that." Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Its BS that men "retreat to go away on their own" before a commitment as a rule. Guys who are close to committing to a girl don't break up with them to prove anything. I think your friends told you that to give you some hope. Only respond to meaningful communication and on the other hand, if you have something to say, as in you cannot just be friends, then arrange a meeting with him and tell him this. If you are at the stage of not playing games, just be direct. Don't see him to make him realize how you were hurt by the breakup, just deliver your message. Also, i don't know what the breakup was like, but do you really want him back? Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 How did your ex react to that?? Link to comment
captain_james Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 How did your ex react to that?? She has threatened a couple times that it just won't work. I let her "walk away" and ignore her for a night. From like 5 pm through 10 am the next morning. When I look at my phone, I'll usually have 7 texts by that point. They may try to talk to you just because not talking to you is too hard for them. It may be worth noting, after that point, we did meet up and are "seeing where things go" currently. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 That's exactly the same thing that happened to me. The second time he broke up with me I went NC and after two months he emailed me. I text him to tell him that I had received his email and that I was not ready to read it and that I would eventually and would reply to it if there was any need to, then I wished him well and left it at that. Straight away he started texting back with loads of questions. It was obvious to me that he wanted to keep the conversation going. I didn't know what he wanted either. After about 2 weeks of texting, we met at the cinema and things just went on from there. Link to comment
Rotxsen Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Agreed let him be this might be a great time to look at yourself and were you stand you might wanna improve something that you are think you are lacking off in the meantime until he comes back if not well... you already one step ahead. Link to comment
anggrace Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 OP: Sounds like you're seeing things pretty clearly. I think it perfectly fine to tell him that you're not interested in a friendship. At the same time, if he suddenly did want to commit, I think it's smart to not jump back in to things. He time needs to think about what he really needs, not just wants. Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Not sure why but I have such a strong feeling that he's coming back... and he's using this time to get his work stuff all figured out. Maybe its because of the way we parted, but something inside has always led me to believe that we're not done with eachother... I just don't want to fall in the friend zone. I'll respond when/if he makes contact again but at some point I'll have to say "its all or nothing baby" lol Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Not sure why but I have such a strong feeling that he's coming back... and he's using this time to get his work stuff all figured out. Maybe its because of the way we parted, but something inside has always led me to believe that we're not done with eachother... I just don't want to fall in the friend zone. I'll respond when/if he makes contact again but at some point I'll have to say "its all or nothing baby" lol Has there been any hints of a meeting? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 I'm also thinking that offering you those magazines may have been an excuse to meet up so that he could give them to you. What kind of magazines are they? Something you have a common interest in or just any old magazine in general? Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Thanks anggrace! I've had my fair share of breakups and reconciliations to know how these things work... only difference is this time, I want it back more than I've wanted any other relationship. I think it's kind of working to my advantage because since the beginning I've had a plan as to how I was going to go about doing it.. I've seen far too many of my female friends in the same position, and have learnt from their many stupid mistakes. Hopefully this is a success story in the making Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Yup - the only hint of meeting up would have been the magazines. Honestly, they were of no use to me so I'm pretty sure this was just his way of seeing if I'd agree to wanting them... I just said "no, but thanks for asking". I'm sure that caught him off guard, because every brief conversation prior to that was very sweet on my part. Thought I'd switch it up a bit and throw him off with a cold, emotionless response.. lol Link to comment
captain_james Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 It's worth noting, one of the best, mind-blowing impressions you can make is to work on yourself. I dropped about 40 pounds in the 3 months of break up. When the ex saw me, her jaw almost fell off and she spent a good portion of the night drooling quietly. She had asked me what I had been up to before we met, and I told her "just doing some swimming and what not". It was a great feeling. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Certainly sounds like an excuse. Has the contact been frequent since? When I was in this position it drove me nuts wondering what his intentions were. I almost text him a few times to tell him I couldn't be friends. I think if you can, stick it out for a bit to see what happens. When you broke up, did he mention being friends then? Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Well, alot of things are happening for me in my life. Going to Europe in June with a couple girls, which was planned before we broke up he knows about it. Just got a promotion at work, so all very positive things. He knows how ambitious I am so I'm not worried about him thinking that I'm all depressed and heartbroken. Shoefairy - our texts back and forth only started last week, and the email about the magazines was only yesterday. After that, we ended up chatting online for about half an hour. First time we actually had an online exchange back and forth since the breakup. He was asking lots of questions - what I had been up to, how my family was, etc. I kept it very light, didn't get into anything really... Today, there's been no contact. He's been online all day, but I've remained "appear offline". He had his hit of me yesterday... I'm stepping back for a couple days so he can digest all the contact he had with me yesterday. haha I'm only available to him in doses. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 That's exactly the same thing that happened to me. The second time he broke up with me I went NC and after two months he emailed me. I text him to tell him that I had received his email and that I was not ready to read it and that I would eventually and would reply to it if there was any need to, then I wished him well and left it at that. Straight away he started texting back with loads of questions. It was obvious to me that he wanted to keep the conversation going. I didn't know what he wanted either. After about 2 weeks of texting, we met at the cinema and things just went on from there. Shoe ... are things going better in the relationship? Is he willing to commit? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Not sure why but I have such a strong feeling that he's coming back... and he's using this time to get his work stuff all figured out. Maybe its because of the way we parted, but something inside has always led me to believe that we're not done with eachother... Here is a secret. If you had a great relationship and the parting was drama-free and dignified, he'll probably come back in some fashion. Link to comment
kittykat_12 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah... maybe that's why I have a good feeling about our outcome. I let him leave and didn't shed a tear... Just smiled and told him that he's still my number one and I hope we can still play mini golf together this summer. That was my playful way of saying "Come back soon because I'm crazy about you" Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Shoe ... are things going better in the relationship? Is he willing to commit? I don't want to hijack the thread, but it's been almost 2 years since then and things were going very well for a while until the last thread 2 threads I posted. A lot of times I think I amade a big mistake and wish I could just go back in time so I could have ignored any contact from him. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 27, 2010 Share Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah... maybe that's why I have a good feeling about our outcome. I let him leave and didn't shed a tear... Just smiled and told him that he's still my number one and I hope we can still play mini golf together this summer. That was my playful way of saying "Come back soon because I'm crazy about you" That's a very dignified way to act about it all. Let's hope he realises what he has lost. Link to comment
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