NC vs. a non-emotional response - opinions?

[Scorpio_Less]

Looking for some thoughts on NC vs. responding to a text with a non-emotional type response. This is to someone who lied and cheated.

 

Case in point: have been NC for ~2 weeks, and got a text on Friday evening "Hi Didn't respond, and got one 3am Saturday "Nice of you to say hi"

 

I could continue NC, but in some ways, it's like I'm purposely ignoring her - and potentially sending a signal that I still care, but can't handle talking to her.

 

On the other hand, if I responded with something like "Been busy... hi, hope you are well" - does that send a signal that I'm comfortable and moving on?

[blahsquared]

Ha, same situation for me, almost. I got a slightly rambling email from my ex last night (after 7 wks no contact). I JUST responded, saying:

 

"You should have said hi! It'd be nice to catch up.

 

How have you been?"

 

I was torn between ignoring, writing a "real" email, keeping it curt, or keeping it friendly. I went with friendly.

 

His original email was this:

 

I'm not sure if it's appropriate (or advisable) to send you an email,

but I'm going to. You could always choose not to respond.

 

I saw you at this evening. Just before you left (I assume, I

didn't actually see you leave). I wanted to say hi, but you appeared

to be with someone and I didn't want to complicate what might have

been an enjoyable evening. Probably didn't need additional dramatis

personae. I might have been a bit nervous, too. It was actually sort

of funny, I saw something this morning that reminded me of you. (In

retrospect: Sigmund might hypothesize that's why I went there, but I

was probably just thirsty.) So, I suppose I'm saying hi now, in a

rambling sort of way.

 

Hi.

[XxJustMexX]

If you want to reply but don't want to do it in a way that sends signals to her, then just reply with short indifferent answers... She says hi, say hi. She asks how are you, say fine. Don't ask her questions back as that will make her think you're interested in knowing...

[Live-N-Learn]

Looking for some thoughts on NC vs. responding to a text with a non-emotional type response. This is to someone who lied and cheated.

 

Case in point: have been NC for ~2 weeks, and got a text on Friday evening "Hi Didn't respond, and got one 3am Saturday "Nice of you to say hi"

 

I could continue NC, but in some ways, it's like I'm purposely ignoring her - and potentially sending a signal that I still care, but can't handle talking to her.

 

On the other hand, if I responded with something like "Been busy... hi, hope you are well" - does that send a signal that I'm comfortable and moving on?

 

She lied and cheated on you. I would not respond you deserve better. You will most likely never be able to trust her again. Try to move on.

[coyne740]

If you reply, Scorp, she will pick up the frequency of contact and try to pull you back in... she WILL string you along, give half-truths and whenever you bring up anything regarding the two of you, will most likely freeze you out again, and repeat the "hi texts when you stop contact again.

 

I wouldn't say anything.... I'm stuck in the cycle again for about the 80th time, and the sad thing is, it's my own fault for not listening to anyone.

[pumpkinmoon]

Why bother responding? She cheated and lied so this isn't someone you want in your life. Unless you are planning in maintaining a friendship with her, I don't see the point of responding at all.

[OccultFigurine]

Looking for some thoughts on NC vs. responding to a text with a non-emotional type response. This is to someone who lied and cheated.

 

Case in point: have been NC for ~2 weeks, and got a text on Friday evening "Hi Didn't respond, and got one 3am Saturday "Nice of you to say hi"

 

I could continue NC, but in some ways, it's like I'm purposely ignoring her - and potentially sending a signal that I still care, but can't handle talking to her.

 

On the other hand, if I responded with something like "Been busy... hi, hope you are well" - does that send a signal that I'm comfortable and moving on?

 

Hiya Scorpio_Less

 

Actually, I would disagree with you that not replying would send a signal that you still care....

The way I see it, no reply means that she is not worthy of your time, even the few seconds it takes to reply to a text!! You're worth more than being cheated on, just remember that

[Live-N-Learn]

Why bother responding? She cheated and lied so this isn't someone you want in your life. Unless you are planning in maintaining a friendship with her, I don't see the point of responding at all.

 

My ex cheated and lied to me and I can tell you for sure this is not someone I could ever have a friendship with nor do I desire one with her. I have lost all respect for her based on her character flaws.

[pumpkinmoon]

My ex cheated and lied to me and I can tell you for sure this is not someone I could ever have a friendship with nor do I desire one with her. I have lost all respect for her based on her character flaws.

 

Exactly. In a way, it makes it easier to move on because you realise that you really aren't losing anything by losing a person like that.

[abigheart]

Point blank, she cheated on you. a.k.a treated you like a doormat, strung you along and disrespected who you are. And you want to give her even the time of day to contact her? I honestly don't think NC sends the message that you're having difficulty and you still care. Instead, you're showing you won't let her have it. So don't worry about what SHE's thinking!

 

If there's some urgent text and you feel the need to reply back, keep it short and don't leave it open-ended so as to ask questions back.

 

Remember, know your worth!

[Dako]

The first step away from the source of your pain can be to stop caring how she perceives you.

 

Cut the cord and be free.

[force]

If I were you I would always take your time responding like several hours or a day with "sorry been busy, hope your doing good That makes it seem your moving on with your life and don't care as much. If she texts back after that with "hope you are too" then don't reply because she's not asking you a question. If she does ask you a question then wait awhile to respond, hours or a whole day. Fake it till ya make it.

 

I sometimes think if you don't respond they know you are emotionally struggling still with the breakup and still can't handle talking, but if your purpose is too forget about her and really move on then don't reply.

[Live-N-Learn]

I sometimes think if you don't respond they know you are emotionally struggling still with the breakup and still can't handle talking, but if your purpose is too forget about her and really move on then don't reply.

 

It really depends on the amount of time you have been NC. Once you hit 6 months to a year you may consider responding. In your case she is unworthy of your response. Let her sit there a trully wonder why you have not responded. I bet she already knows why since she is living with some guilt for lying and cheating.

 

She know she deserves for you to never speak to her again. I think she is just testing you to see if she can have you anytime she wants you. Very selfish.

[intolerable]

I could continue NC, but in some ways, it's like I'm purposely ignoring her - and potentially sending a signal that I still care, but can't handle talking to her.

You should try not thinking about how she feels. She lied and cheated, she didn't care about how you felt when she did that.

 

I would suggest NC, but then ultimately it's still your choice. If you can handle talking/responding to her, then go right ahead.

 

I tried doing the non-emotional response (even one-word replies) with my ex whenever he would ask about school-related stuff, and I don't think he got the point that I was only replying because he was asking about school stuff and I didn't want to be THAT impolite.