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Love and lust


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I'm in a relationship. Simple, yes? But it's not.

Christian and I, 2-3 years that we have known each other, we started dating in December of 2009 till now. He was my first as well.


Again, wondering where it gets complicated for me, well...


Deeley and I, since I was 15 years old. He was my first love, he was the first guy that I was able to say that I had strong feelings for. But at the time, again, I was 15 years old, he was 19 years old. There was an age difference. Also, he was in a relationship.


Time went by.

Deeley and I grow apart.

Christian and I met. Then it was the start of something.


As him and I persued our "love" for each other.

I grew distance from Christian, when he went back home. This is where I felt the need to grow distance because it was distance...


Deeley came back, he came back into my picture.

Still as beautiful as ever.

At first, it was a lust because I found him to be beautiful. Both his personality and appearance. But I started to realize that I have both a physical and emotional attraction to him. And now, there's not so much of an age difference and he's not in a relationship. As well, he's helped me within the last few weeks. I tried to remember when I felt happy, I felt okay, it was everytime I seen him. Everytime I seen his eyes, I seen him smiling, everytime I heard him say my name. I felt, whole. Even if nothing happens, I want our friendship to continue...


Now, I don't know what to do.

I do want to end our "relationship" but he's made some changes in his life (health and selfesteem wise) since we have been together. I am just afraid that if I broke it off that he would go back to the way he used to be and think negatively about me.


I don't know.

I'm just not sure where I stand anymore. I don't want to lead Christian on, any longer. But I still care about him as well...

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Never try to 'upgrade'. First, it's unnecessarily painful (how would YOU like to be upgraded??). But also, you will never be at peace if relationship #2 doesn't work out. Then you'll run back to relationship #1 - and really? Does he deserve that?


You have 2 issues. Don't moosh them.


1) You aren't feeling Christian anymore. The distance thing is hard! It's great that you still think well of him. That means that (potentially) you can break up on good terms! If you are feeling constrained by the relationship, let him go. He may be feeling the same (likes you a lot but the distance is bothering him). I think you need to have a heart to heart with Christian.


2) Deeley. Well, if you are single, do what you want. Don't worry about whether or not he'd hate you. Not everyone is going to like you in life.


It sounds like you are dealing with everyone's emotions but your own.

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