impossible ex

[Dahliaxx]

He is kinda crazy. I'm pretty heartbroken about what happened to us although it seems he does not care at all, however he cares enough to have really ill feelings towards me? We went from living together to not spoken much at all since (the times we had it wasnt pleasant) & recently we been exchanging nasty messages via facebook about him coming to get the rest of his things. Then my roommate who is from the same area he is from had a bday party and a couple of kids he knew apparently were there. One of those kids leaves me a comment on my FB and my ex left comments on that comment going ape * * * * about it, calling me a * * * * about me getting with his friends. I have never gotten with any of his friends yet he accused me in the passed of it. I really dont get how he could even care about me talking to someone, whose not even his friend, just someone he knows..meanwhile he generally acts like I dont exist anymore. I really would like to talk to him but hes impossible, he just has his mind set that im the worse person in the world. The whole situation with him has left me bummed out a lot. And now he tells me he is having one of his friends get his things ughh

[Dahliaxx]

accused me in the **past

 

sorry I am very tired, I hope this makes sense

 

 

basically hes a douchelord but I have crazy feelings for him. Its even been hard for me to see other people or be intimate with other people.

 

My ex and I had an on and off relationship for almost 2 years, we would always come back to eachother even when we lived far from eachother, and now that the thought of that is seeming impossible, it is really is hard for me to accept. The fact that there is no chance of us even talking civilly to eachother, it upsets me.

[eggplant47]

Let his friend get his things- it's probably best. Otherwise you two will just fight.

 

His jealous, insulting behavior borders verbal abuse. Delete him from your FB friends. If you hear from him again tell him his things will be boxed and waiting on the porch for his friend to pick up & that you will no longer be responding to him.

 

Once he is truly gone- as in NC, you will be able to start the healing process & in time it will be easier to date again.

[Dahliaxx]

Let his friend get his things- it's probably best. Otherwise you two will just fight.

 

He jealous insulting behavior borders verbal abuse. Delete him from your FB friends. If you hear from him again tell him his things will be boxed and waiting on the porch for his friend to pick up & that you will no longer be responding to him.

 

Once he is truly gone- as in NC, you will be able to start the healing process & in time it will be easier to date again.

 

Thank you, I know you are right and I should cut off any kinds of ties with him it's just really hard for me to do that. It's not like he is even trying to contact me... except the situation about getting his things. I don't understand how he wants to act like I don't exist (he even said at one point "even when I thought u were totally out of my life) and then gets mad at the fact I might be talking to someone he knows. I will probably delete him off FB after he gets his things ..I just hate that things have to be this way, he hurt me the most..maybe he hates me for kicking him out of the Apt but I had reasons.

 

he is just being immature I think and I should prob not pay it any more mind then I have..

 

Ahh thank you though

[whattodo...]

im in a similar situation. but i tihnk im being the immature one. ill text him mean things and make him seem like a bad person, even though he is not. i think i do these things (and maybe your ex's reason for his behavior is-) im trying to validate our breakup. by making him seem like a bad person, its like making the breakup seem GOOD. so instead of me feeling sad and loving him and wanting him back, my mindset is "good, he's out of my life. i hate him". even though its all irrational, its my defense mechanism. maybe thats why he does those things. so maybe, you could be easy on him. we all deal with things differently. dont immediately cut off all ties, because he is not doing these things on purpose (if my theory is correct) again he could just be a douchebag, but if he is not a douchebag (cuz you love him and such) he could just be acting out, and coping in a way youre not used to..

i dont know..

hope this helps. dont take his "verbal abuse" ( i wouldnt call it that) personally though. he does still love you and care.

 

 

(i think)

[whattodo...]

and his accusing you and his jealousy- is him showing you that he cares, but in a negative way. because again, he wants to make the breakup easier. even though its making it harder for you. maybe you should talk to him about it.

[whattodo...]

i should say though, overall NC is the way to go. it wont happen though until you both clearly understand and will go through with it. which is why you should talk to him, civilly, about the situation. and tell him that the way he is coping with the breakup is hurting you. and ultimately the talk should end with about going through with NC.

 

im also having difficulty moving on and dating and becoming intimate with others. but its because we have been contacting each other. because like you, i get glimpses of hope for a future with him but it is actually impossible. NC is hard i know

[Dahliaxx]

Thanks for your feed back

 

The little bit of contact we have had with each other has been immature on both sides I guess. I just feel so hurt. He has a new gf now and that kinda pushed me off the wall, I basically told him that I felt like he hadn't taken us seriously and that I was going to discard of his things (he didn't even respond to that), then he responded like a couple weeks later saying that he had something of his friend's there and if I could see if it was there yet I did and was being nice and civil. Also there were "financial" issues with him living with me so that was also a reason because then I threatened to sell his stuff ha.

 

I think you are right though, that it is a defense mechanism. All through our relationship, the times we were on and off before he moved in, I felt so unsure of how he felt for me. He is the type of person who in general likes loves girls, and is usually a * * * * to them 85% of the time to most, but on the flip side, hes super intelligent, funny and really good looking which I guess makes him get away with a lot of stuff...but not with me [-X ...As for his somewhat verbal abuse I don't really take it seriously because I know how he is, which is why I didn't immediately write him off. When he started talking sh*t on facebook (in which he deleted the comments a few min after, but I saw them through the FB emails), his friend responded "that's real nice to write on someone's wall" and he responded with "We dated for over a year and lived together for four months I can say what I want" ..now although no, he cannot "say what he wants" it kinda gave me so validation that at least our relationship did mean something to him...

 

I would really like to talk to him normally and civilly because I just hate drama and hate people hating me for no reason, especially when I tried hard hard to make things work. I just don't know if that will ever happen with the way he is acting.

 

 

As for seeing other people..it really has been tough for me. But i'm sure if I actually met the right person it would come easy. It gets really confusing when you thought you already did though.

[Dahliaxx]

 

im also having difficulty moving on and dating and becoming intimate with others. but its because we have been contacting each other. because like you, i get glimpses of hope for a future with him but it is actually impossible. NC is hard i know

 

 

 

Ahh, with or without contact, I still think about us. It really sucks. However I haven't met any real 'gems' lately either so that is probably another reason ](*,)