Do good looking people really have it easier?

[misssmithviii]

I'm not talking about rejecting people. Did you read what this thread is about? The OP's friend said that she is unable to tell the difference between guys who just want her for her looks and guys who have a genuine interest in who she is.

 

Yes I have read it. I was disagreeing with the idea that her not being able to tell whether they were genuinely interested or not was due to insecurity; I was giving my own take on it - perhaps I missed the mark and misunderstood

[Red Fox]

Looks is what attracts the person initially. But her point was she didn't know who showed genuine interest and who simply wanted her for her looks.

 

That's the thing though isn't it? Everyone has that problem although it might not be to do with looks. For example.

 

"...she didn't know who showed genuine interest and who simply wanted her for her money"

 

"...she didn't know who showed genuine interest and who simply wanted her for her popularity and social standing"

 

"...she didn't know who showed genuine interest and who simply wanted her for sex"

 

You can substitute "looks" for so many other things. Therefore I do not think someone will have it harder because they are more attractive. People are always cautious of other peoples motives regardless of whether they are very attractive or not as attractive, so this problem will always exist. A good appearance usually attracts so I really I think there is more of an advantage than anything else. Of the people you want to go out with I would say potentially more of these people would agree to go out with you the more attractive you are (all things being equal). Therefore it appears to me to be an advantage, and any negatives appear to be negatives that most people regardless of appearance have to face.

[Seraphim]

if the interest is "I wanna motorboat you", can you really call it interest?

 

I'm sure it sounds great to be sexually propositioned all the time but it really isn't.

 

Yeah, no one really wants that kind of attention, it is gross really.

[easyguy]

As another poster mentioned, some of it comes down to how you dress - how you present yourself. Not everyone hits gold with the genetics roll of the dice, but that doesn't mean those who didn't can't develop confidence and self-esteem. They find ways to accent their own attractiveness. I don't consider myself to be an extremely attractive person, but girls have gone after me for the "cute" factor. Yes, I have put in some energy into my looks over the past couple of years, but even more personality work. I've even been called a "ladies man", whatever that means, haha.

 

Looking good makes me feel confident. I can only change so much about me, but I don't have to change much to improve my looks. Everyone can do that. It's about finding what works for you (i.e. what hairstyle look good on you, clothes, getting in shape, et cetera). I am by no means shallow, though.

 

I think good looking people can get more attention, for sure, but there are good looking people who are * * * * * s, who never last very long in a relationship because they're just after one thing.

[Day_Walker]

I know plenty of attractive women who cannot find a bf, or just attract guys who have no intentions of being faithful to them. I do think that being good looking means that good looking people get approached more but that doesnt mean that they have easier dating lives.

[givinggirl]

Looks is what attracts the person initially. But her point was she didn't know who showed genuine interest and who simply wanted her for her looks.

 

I can understand this. She will learn with age to read the men who are interested and who are just looking at her like a piece of meat. The problem is that the men who don't have a real interest approach 75% more than the men who do have a real interest. Men see the woman getting hit on constantly and that intimidates the men she would be interested in. There are plenty of men who are not really interested in her, but know how to make her think they are. It is a tough predicament to be in.

[absinthe]

Do more people approach attractive people? Yes.

 

Does that make it any easier to find a compatible partner? No.

Agreed!

 

but she also said that she struggled to take any guy seriously. If anyone approached her or showed interest, she assumed they just wanted her for her looks and for eye candy, even if their interest was genuine.

OP, your friend has her own issues. She's got some underlying insecurity about trusting her own judgement. I know exactly how she feels and went through this same scenario after the ex-husband cheated on me. I lost faith in myself.

 

So the question is, do good looking people have it as easy as people seem to believe?

As for this question, no they don't. Quantity doesn't equate to quality. You can also experience cynicism and burn out when it comes to quantity.

[simply]

As for this question, no they don't. Quantity doesn't equate to quality. You can also experience cynicism and burn out when it comes to quantity.

 

technically thats not true. The more options you have, the better chances of you have of finding that quality person. For those who don't get approached, or who can't approach due to lack of confidence lose out on many possible options of finding that quality person.

 

So yes, good looking people have it much easier.

[absinthe]

technically thats not true. The more options you have, the better chances of you have of finding that quality person. For those who don't get approached, or who can't approach due to lack of confidence lose out on many possible options of finding that quality person.

 

So yes, good looking people have it much easier.

It depends on what you value. If all you value is getting laid or to be viewed as physically desirable, perhaps it's enough. I view it as harassment.

 

Most of us prefer to be valued as more than a slab of meat or trophy to be won, especially when you've emotionally invested in the other person. Looks do not last a lifetime. Internals do.

[rosephase]

I'm an alright looking girl. I get approached at a bar or club from time to time. I get some cat calls on the street. But I KNOW anyone who doesn't know me is only interested because of the way I look. How could they be interested in anything else? They don't know me. I thought it was well understood that getting approached by people you don't know is because they think they would like to have sex with you. Which means they are at least some what attracted to you. That is true if no matter how you look.

 

Maybe she should try dating people who know her. I mean that's what most people do, right? Am I wrong? are there a lot of long term relationships that started with yelling over loud music and over priced drinks with someone who just walked up to you?

[Hikapo]

Do more people approach attractive people? Yes.

 

Does that make it any easier to find a compatible partner? No.

 

You are so right. Totally agree.

 

Good looks only gives you an edge, but to find the right compatible partner, it gets harder.

[DanDee]

I suppose the main benefit is that if you like one particular guy there's a greater chance of them liking you. Life is easier in that regards.

 

But yeah, that's the only thing that's easier.

[simply]

It depends on what you value. If all you value is getting laid or to be viewed as physically desirable, perhaps it's enough. I view it as harassment.

 

Most of us prefer to be valued as more than a slab of meat or trophy to be won, especially when you've emotionally invested in the other person. Looks do not last a lifetime. Internals do.

 

Well ya, but to be approached or even considered before getting to know a persons true self, there has to be that initial attraction.

Just because a person is great looking doesn't mean their out for sex and gonna have lots of it. I know amazing looking women who are with good guys and in relationships that last. The same goes for guys.

If you can't distinguish the difference between somebody who is only out for sex compared to someone who actually has a good heart, then that person needs some experience.

All relationships start out with attraction in one degree or another, so the better looking you are, the more options, it's common sense.

[bulletproof]

Well ya, but to be approached or even considered before getting to know a persons true self, there has to be that initial attraction.

 

All relationships start out with attraction in one degree or another, so the better looking you are, the more options, it's common sense.

 

Not so. Most people meet their sig. others through activities like work/school/groups. They are not just getting approached out of the blue because they're attractive. That is one of my favorite myths on ENA- that we are all running around asking each other out without any information other than what the person looks like. If people just realized that having a life and a decent self-image would put them in the path of a healthy relationship, we could eliminate a majority of the looks-are-so-important threads.

[glucoze]

Attractive people have it easier in some cases.

It really is annoying, and this is why I turn down most guys. I know it's bad but the first thing that comes to mind is "he just wants me for sex" depends on their approach.

Getting whistled at, and some jerk coming up to me with some sexual snide pick up line.

Not worth my time.

 

 

So now, If i want a guy i'll go after him.

That or I just stick to friends.. as dating material.

[simply]

Not so. Most people meet their sig. others through activities like work/school/groups. They are not just getting approached out of the blue because they're attractive. That is one of my favorite myths on ENA- that we are all running around asking each other out without any information other than what the person looks like. If people just realized that having a life and a decent self-image would put them in the path of a healthy relationship, we could eliminate a majority of the looks-are-so-important threads.

 

well thats great because I never said otherwise. I said all relationships start with some form of attraction. Whether it be at work or through any other activity, there has to be some sort of attraction to find interest in a persons lifestyle.

[absinthe]

Well ya, but to be approached or even considered before getting to know a persons true self, there has to be that initial attraction.

Just because a person is great looking doesn't mean their out for sex and gonna have lots of it. I know amazing looking women who are with good guys and in relationships that last. The same goes for guys.

If you can't distinguish the difference between somebody who is only out for sex compared to someone who actually has a good heart, then that person needs some experience.

All relationships start out with attraction in one degree or another, so the better looking you are, the more options, it's common sense.

I'm happily married right now to a wonderful man. But it takes time and energy to find someone worth investing in. As well, when you're younger, you have no idea what red flags to look for. And no one's judgement is fool-proof and if you believe that people's judgement including your own is perfect, you've got another thing coming to you. I made one really big mistake by marrying the first husband who wasn't worth investing in. Lesson learned.

 

When you get approached a lot, especially with undesirables, you get pretty jaded and cynical. Out of curiosity, why are you so adamant you know what's better or worse? In my opinion, it's not easy for anyone to find someone who's a great match, regardless of attractiveness level.

[bulletproof]

well thats great because I never said otherwise. I said all relationships start with some form of attraction. Whether it be at work or through any other activity, there has to be some sort of attraction to find interest in a persons lifestyle.

 

You said in order to be "approached". Maybe I misunderstood?

[bruinsy81]

I think good looking women certainly have it easier if there goal is to obtain a compatible partner.Being a good looking man doesn't have the same advantages if the guy happens to be shy.

[Go Habs Go]

I think good looking women certainly have it easier if there goal is to obtain a compatible partner.Being a good looking man doesn't have the same advantages if the guy happens to be shy.

 

 

Agreed. A shy woman and a shy man are not treated the same and that's not right. Why should a shy woman be rewarded and a shy man is told to man up and gain some confidence? Just another double standard.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think good looking women certainly have it easier if there goal is to obtain a compatible partner.Being a good looking man doesn't have the same advantages if the guy happens to be shy.

 

Depends on what you mean by shy.

 

A girl who wears lots of hoodies, ties her hair back, and is pretty much invisible is not going to get any dates unless by accident (she's forced into meeting someone by being set up by friends or online or something of that sort).

 

But, if a woman dresses up, does her hair, and just doesn't feel like approaching, yeah she'll still get dates.

 

You still have to work it though. I could easily go years without being hit on if I did nothing with myself. And that's what a lot of people do too.

 

Introverted women is different than shy women. I'd say it's different for men too.

[bruinsy81]

Generally speaking of course it certainly helps to be attractive but circumstances can be so different that every variable has to be considered.A guy might be very handsome but shy ,without much of a social network and not putting himself out there so he isn't going to get the rewards that you would think his good looks would provide.

[LightbulbSun]

I think good looking people are stereotypically better taken 'at face value', but if there is no depth, they're easily dismissed as part of the scenery.

 

Average looking people with great personalities, however, paint the landscape with much brighter and vibrant colors.

[Wayfara]

Well I think attractive people in general have it easier, but that there are a lot of case to case differences.

 

Another thing to consider is that not every attractive woman knows she's attractive, there are a lot of insecure beauties out there (same for men). I've some girl friends that are really pretty but are for whatever reason not very successful with the opposite sex. Anyway some of these girls believe there is like an universal rule that says attractive people always get the one they want, so the conclusion they draw is that it must be their appearance that is at fault, and they spend their time grieving over their imaginary ugliness.

 

Shy guys may in general have it worse than shy girls but severe shyness is a handicap in both genders, a shy girl hiding in big clothes and avoiding all social contact would most likely not get approached.

 

Oh, how difficult and trying it must be to be so attractive that you have to wade through the interest of dozens of people before you can find the one that you feel is worth your attention or has the depth you require.

 

Well I think unwanted attention can be as bad as not getting the attention you want. Getting hit by a drunk in a bus is hardly flattering, it's intimidating.

[chelsea13]

I guess the case is that... if the person is average looking but has great personalities and talents then people are not that surprised by it. But recently I know this extremely beautiful girl from my class, who actually models (even for P.Diddy!), and happens to be really smart and talented with her artwork and painting.. and that surprised me. Which is kind of unfair, just because she is pretty doesn't mean that I should be surprised when she's got more to offer. But I'm also saying that the latter will be valued more highly than an average looking person with talent.. if you know what I mean.

In saying so, those beautiful people with immense personalities and talents are not very common, after all, there're more average people than beautiful looking people.

 

I have a friend who's pretty but basically has no guys in her life apart from this short term boyfriend in the past.

 

I am no beautiful girl but is known is 'the cute girl' by a lot of people, but in saying so I have even worse luck with the opposite sex than my average looking friends.