Broken again...

[isilv3r]

So it's been about 2 years since I've had to use this website for myself.

 

Once again another break up. It was a shock to me though. I was with this girl for 9 months, we lived together since day 1. We had a great relationship, however we got together right after she got seperated from her ex (that cheated on her). We're so lovey and caring and affectionate with each other. Than i came home from work one day this past week, she sits me on the couch and tells me that she needs to go back to her ex. They were together 6 years. She's gone within an hour. Of course, we all know how it goes. You start textin', chasing, i'm hurt, sad, angry, soooo broken. But in a matter of a day, she completely turned off. She tells me she 'likes' me as a person, doesn't love me anymore, doesn't want to see me. She had paid 2 months advance rent and all she's concerned about is getting that back from me.

 

So here's my question, 1) do i give it to her? 2) how do i deal with this? I'm SO hurt that I don't know what to do with myself. I've been spending a lot of time with my friends, which are also her friends, but i just feel like i can't function. I'm not eating, sleeping. I'm drinking like mad. How do I get through this?

[alphaxdx]

write a journal. Write everything down how you feel the questions, the pain, and the answers that come to your head. Do it as if you were talking to her. But this is for you. It helped me. It was like I was talking with her and helped me sort through the feelings. In terms of what to do with the rent you need to decide that without letting your emotions enter into it. That will probably be impossible for you right now so get a third party to decide. Maybe even ask a lawyer. Do whats fair in regards to the rent. But more importantly do whats fair to you and move on. Dont fear the pain and just remember that "this too will pass". Hang in there!

[misssmithviii]

I must say, solely based on the fact that she paid 2 months in advance (future) and isn't living there anymore but you do, you should pay her that money in all fairness. I asked my man if he would pay me (if he were in your position) and be said yes because otherwise it would be like I was paying for him to live there. That's my opinion

 

I suggest you stop drinking so heavily as it could (or perhaps already has) developed into a negative coping skill. And you'll need all the clarity in your mind to truly get over this heartache, as daunting as that sounds.

 

But just keep your head up, it will be ok and as previously posted, this too shall pass.

[ForumGuy]

Yeah, drinking is not good. Luckily for me, during a break-up and for quite sometime after, drinking is the last thing I want to do.

 

Being gone in an hour like that and going back to her ex after 9 months with you, it is over between you no matter what happens in the future. You could never trust her again even if you wanted to. It was cruel her using you like that. I would not contact her at all (believe me, it sucks, but gets easier) and would not give her any money back. She burned you!!!!

 

Just a consolation>>if she told you any horror stories about this "ex" while you were together, you can be sure she will be re-living those horrors when she is back with him. Doesn't mean she will want you back, but their problems will re-surface and she will be as miserable as she was before.

[sphx26]

I am sorry you have to go through what you did. The pain of losing someone you love is indescribable. I had just went through that myself last month, and I still cry every now and then. It does made me feel better though the moment I cut her off from my life. I just keep thinking of how unfair she is (she lied and cheated on me) and that she does not deserve me, and that karma will soon come to her.Whatever goes around always comes back around.

 

Let time heal you, it does wonders.

[isilv3r]

Thank you for your responses. The days dont seem to be getting easier and as much as I would like to stop drinking, I just can't right now. I've lost 5 lbs in one week cuz i can't eat. I feel like my life is just falling apart, one thing after another. When it rains, it pours eh? I have decided to give her the money back so I can never have that held over my head. Gawd I just miss her and would give anything in the world to have her back.

 

However, as one person said above, it's true. I'll never be able to trust her again. And she walked out on me for someone else so would I really want to put myself second? I deserve more than that. I just wish i didn't love her and that could go away. Which I know it will in time but why does it have to go so slow when you're hurting. Why can't the nice people ever get a break? Man it's frustrating. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, I feel so empty and lonely. It's not fair that the ex gets her. She was emotionally and physically abused, cheated on, treated liked crap and she wants that over someone who gave her everything? Not fair at all.

[ForumGuy]

She was emotionally and physically abused, cheated on, treated liked crap

 

Like I said above, unless the ex has done something (counseling..etc.) to change his behaviour, she will again be experiencing the same things you mention here with him. Doesn't help your emptiness now though I know.