Our true self

[Keraron]

I think I am slowly starting to understand what exactly it means to be ourselves:

 

It is whatever we want to do or believe in regardless of how someone (society, parents, loved ones, friends, etc.) respects us, admires us or praises us for it.

 

I used to think that it merely meant not feeling bad if someone didn't accept us, but I was tempted to feel that if someone respected me or approved of what I did, that was my true self.

 

I used to make my Self a function of others' feedback.

 

If many people agreed with what I said, then I felt encouraged to think that it was the right thing to do!

 

How wrong I was.

 

I am now starting a journey in which I feel I am truly finding what I want to do and believe regardless of others' opinions, negative or positive.

 

We must be ready to become outcasts for whatever we think or do.

[Hermes]

We must be ready to become outcasts for whatever we think or do.

 

No reason to be an outcast just because you choose what youwant to do, Keraron.

 

What kind of people would make you an outcast?

 

Hermes

[catfeeder]

No, we don't need to gear up to be outcasts when, as adults, we're entitled to use discretion in what what we choose to reveal to others--including loved ones.

 

Sometimes silent authenticity trumps holding our truth out as bait to prompt comment, and sometimes withholding disagreement out of respect for opposing views is a perfectly valid choice.

 

Just as we needn't seek or cater to the opinions of others in order to make valid choices, we also needn't offend others just because they don't endorse our choices.

 

I think you've got the right idea about liberating yourself, only it's not necessary to alienate yourself in the process.

 

In your corner.

[muchacha_abril]

I like what you said. I don't think you mean to say you'll become isolated and not give a care but that first you're gonna find out who you are and you're gonna fight for that person (yourself) against all obstacles.

 

I like that. Because when you're afraid everyone feels like they can tell you who you are or define you, or choose when to respect you. I think that we need to learn to draw the line for OURSELVES without guilt, without fear and if that means we'll lose some friends, or some people won't like our true self, then be it.

 

For the first time in my life I took an active approach to things that bothered me. I used to be the person who would stay quiet and let people walk all over me but for once I stood my ground and I don't regret it. I did lose a friend though and I'm sure she was surprised to see me react the way I did. To some it might seem unfair and as always people will say I "overreacted." But why are my emotions less important that anyone else's? Why do I pay attention to people's sensibilities and moods but no one cares about mine?

 

I don't want to be that person anymore. We're always begging for acceptance and I think it's time we stopped and enjoyed our own person.

[Keraron]

No reason to be an outcast just because you choose what youwant to do, Keraron.

 

What kind of people would make you an outcast?

 

Hermes

 

I meant "outcast" in a more metaphorical sense. I'm saying: "Be ready to believe in your self (and your ideas, your values, your decisions) even if everyone, including those who love you most and whom you love most, disagree with you."

 

Sometimes we might develop extremely different ideas and values that the entire society can isolate, or at least mock us. Think about famous scientists and inventors who were sometimes even persecuted by mainstream just because they challenged the popular view.

[Keraron]

Sometimes silent authenticity trumps holding our truth out as bait to prompt comment, and sometimes withholding disagreement out of respect for opposing views is a perfectly valid choice.

1) "trumps" in which sense? In which occasion?

2) It is perfectly valid to choose to respect others, but in that case you are defining your self by conformity to others.

 

If you are strictly against alcohol and go to a party, and if the people there insist that you have a sip of wine, how would you react?

 

I am not saying that alienation is "the right way" to finding our true selves, but that sometimes it might happen as a consequence, especially if our views and ideas are rejected by everyone.

[Hermes]

We don't owe anything to other people. No one is perfect, and they certainly are not either.

 

Be true to oneself.

 

You mention famous scientists and inventors. You see the "herd" for want of a better word, always fears the "perceived unknown" or the "perceived new".

 

Hermes

[quirky]

I understand the sentiment of your discovery and I totally agree with it. I have been one of those people that followed my inner light and was never affected by peer pressure. Sometimes it's a lonely road but I wouldn't change it..in a strange way you feel content in it. If it is 100% genuine you won't have any enemies, the only trouble will be in how comfortable you will be with other people that keep using the facade. Having that approach will also bring you very close to your intuition which is a great tool.

[Keraron]

By the way, I also think that being "alone" doesn't necessarily mean "being lonely".

 

I still have many friends, know many people, etc. but have a clearer spectrum of who is genuinely "on my side" and who is with me only to their own advantage.

[catfeeder]

Hello Keraron,

I'm writing from the position that your true Self is relaxed and requires no defense. It can take a while to discover this, because defense is an old habit. However, I think you'll be happy with how little effort it takes to integrate your true Self with your everyday life as you increasingly trust your new vision.

 

[regarding "Sometimes silent authenticity trumps holding our truth out as bait to prompt comment...."] 1) "trumps" in which sense? In which occasion?

 

Whenever my private ideas or choices aren't open for debate, what's my motivation to discuss them? If I already know my answer to something, then the only purpose of an exchange would be to create conflict--and what payoff do I expect from that?

 

When you've already won, why play?

 

When your days of approval-seeking are over, freedom from attention-seeking isn't far behind. Liberation is most apparent in what you free yourself from a 'need' to disclose.

 

2) It is perfectly valid to choose to respect others, but in that case you are defining your self by conformity to others.

 

Respect and conformity are not the same thing. Respect for differences is exactly that--maintenance of your difference without a 'need' to sell another on your way of thinking. If you're not out to make another 'wrong,' then what about that, exactly, implies conformity to you?

 

If you are strictly against alcohol and go to a party, and if the people there insist that you have a sip of wine, how would you react?

 

Why would I opt to hang out with a bully? "No, thanks." is a clear and simple response. Choose your friends carefully.

 

I am not saying that alienation is "the right way" to finding our true selves, but that sometimes it might happen as a consequence, especially if our views and ideas are rejected by everyone.

 

Sure, I understand. I also think you'll be pleasantly surprised how few challenges to your true Self there really needs to be. I guess that's my point. It sounds as though you're bracing yourself against an onslaught of pressures that you may be relieved to find are just defensive assumptions that you're free to drop at any time.

 

Surround yourself with people who honor The Self. Allow others to drop away without drama or bridge burning, because such separations may be more temporary than you think. Assume that anyone who's incapable of respecting your position today may change tomorrow or catch up with you later. Meanwhile, don't allow your ego to get baited by differences--they are often smaller than they appear.

 

In your corner.