Rang my ex after me and my bf had an argument.

[BrokenLisa]

I haven't spoken to my ex since December, texted him a happy birthday once. That's it. Last night I had a drunken disagreement with my boyfriend ( well sort of- friend with benefits but we decided to see each other and see how it goes- that's an another story). We sorted it out but now I feel really bad for calling my ex. I don't even know why I did it, haven't even thought about him for a long time. He didn't pick up, rightfully so. Hasn't rung back, rightfully so. Should I apologize? I've been in counseling since November and trying to work on some issues, taking responsibility for my own emotional well-being and self-soothing which is exactly what I didn't do last night. I suppose he doesn't know why I rang, probably figured out I was drunk and there was a drama at the other end of the phone call.

[Live-N-Learn]

I would just leave it alone. If he wants to know why you called he will ask. Don't be too hard on yourself, you were feeling down after the argument, were buzzed and went back to your comfort zone the ex. Not a big deal.

[catfeeder]

An apology for an incomplete phone call is pointless. While it's not necessary to find fault with yourself for it, it would probably be a good idea to explore the 'why' behind it and fix that.

 

For instance, if you're craving the secure feeling your past relationship provided while your current one doesn't, it might be smart to question whether settling for someone who offers less than you REALLY desire is your best option.

[BrokenLisa]

An apology for an incomplete phone call is pointless. While it's not necessary to find fault with yourself for it, it would probably be a good idea to explore the 'why' behind it and fix that.

 

This is a good suggestion. While I understand that my current situation might not be a highly desirable one, it's just about the amount of closeness I can manage at the moment. It's a complicated relationship and we both suffer from similar problems, so in the long term we are doomed. I will most certainly give it some thought.

 

This might have seemed like a silly question but I only asked it because my ex appears to despise me because of how it ended/ what i did. I'm trying to make things right

( NOT wanting to get back together, god no), but only end up making a bigger mess. I guess often the best solution is to do nothing.

[catfeeder]

[...] This might have seemed like a silly question but I only asked it because my ex appears to despise me because of how it ended/ what i did. I'm trying to make things right

( NOT wanting to get back together, god no), but only end up making a bigger mess. I guess often the best solution is to do nothing.

 

True. Time and distance can often fix more and fix it better than we can. If an ex needs to villainize you to make healing easier for himself, then what's the harm in that? We're ALL the 'bad guy' at one time or another, and some of us play that role more often than others. But someone else's perceptions of you aren't even the point, and trying to 'correct' them is a useless waste of energy. Plus, it's control-freaky.

 

You never know whether 2 years down the road you'll bump into an ex at a party and share a toast to the good ol' days instead of passing silently like two ships. It makes a nice fantasy, but in the big scheme of things, is it really that important?

 

Nursing past regrets wastes your future. Go there, instead.

 

Cheers!