Thats it...I give up

[Lostheart87]

I just don't get it, and I don't know what I am doing wrong. And im sure you've heard this before but life just isn't fair.

 

Up until last year I was with the woman I thought I was going to marry. Dated her for 6 years, thought we were happy, until she left me for someone else. Even now 5 months later they are still dating...so yea, what ever happened to karma?

 

3 months into our breakup I started "trying" to date again. Mind you I have not dated for 6 years, and before then I only had 1 other girlfriend, so my dating experience is a bit limited.

 

The first 2 dates went ok, but they were more of a "get back into the game" thing. I was trying to get used to the concept of opening up again. Now that I fully want to date again I have been attracted to a few girls who "seemed" at the time attracted to me, but for some reason it never went past the first date or even phone calls! They gave me the complete impression that they were interested, and I never hear from them again...

 

Now I know what you are going to say, "Didn't you do that with your first 2 dates?" Yes I did, but the thing is that I told them that I was sorry but they weren't what I was looking for. These girls didn't even throw me a bone after our dates! Worst yet, they sometimes send little texts or call me every now and then to talk which only confuses me more about what they want.

 

So I don't get what I am doing wrong, and my confidence is being hit. How can I recover from the constant rejection? Does it just kind of go away over time? I am always nice (I am known as the nice guy in my group of friends...I am actually proud of it), I listen to them, I tell them stories and jokes...I just don't get it. I think I am a pretty good looking guy...not a hunk or anything but good looking, so whats the deal?

 

Anybody help me?

[huskiesfan]

It happens. I think that the comparison between dating and fishing is actually a very accurate one. You constantly cast out your line, looking to find a woman who you'd like to build a relationship with. Not every woman is going to be relationship material, nor will every woman be willing to start one with you, nor you with them. If that were the case, there would be no need for dating sites.

 

Rejection happens to all of us at some point or another. All you have to do, is like they say, cast out another line. After my ex broke up with me, I had very little luck dating wise. I'd find girls, but either they weren't interested, or the few that were, I didn't click with. But I never got discouraged, and eventually, I met my fiancee. Persistence is key. I believe there is someone for everyone out there, all you have to do is be open, and keep a good attitude about things. Confidence is attractive, after all. If you give up, you'll never find anyone, so that's counterproductive. Keep going, and eventually, you'll find someone you'll click with, if you're open to it. Hope this helps, and good luck with your dating endeavors. And don't give up!

[Lostheart87]

Believe me I have been "casting out my line" many a time, and they do bite, but then they get loose every time, so I must be doing something wrong. I am not rushing anything (well I rushed the first one but I learned from that), and I don't think I am doing anything wrong.

 

Moreover, maybe I am searching in the wrong places? I go to the gym 4 times a week, hang out at the bookstore, just go out walking around town at times etc...I don't pick up chicks at bars or clubs (again, made that mistake), and even though I have an online dating profile I haven't really pursued it.

[huskiesfan]

Believe me I have been "casting out my line" many a time, and they do bite, but then they get loose every time, so I must be doing something wrong. I am not rushing anything (well I rushed the first one but I learned from that), and I don't think I am doing anything wrong.

 

Moreover, maybe I am searching in the wrong places? I go to the gym 4 times a week, hang out at the bookstore, just go out walking around town at times etc...I don't pick up chicks at bars or clubs (again, made that mistake), and even though I have an online dating profile I haven't really pursued it.

 

Then maybe it could be your approach, or how you come off as during the date? If them "getting loose" is a consistent theme in your dating life, then maybe something is causing them to lose interest. I know that was an issue I had early on.

[Lostheart87]

Well when I meet up with them, I generally just try to find an interest of theirs and start the conversation that way. I will sometimes poke fun at myself, and joke around with them. Our dates usually end very well, and I tell them I'll call them sometime. When I call like a day or two later I never hear back from them.

 

That's what I am confused about. Even recently I held hands with a girl I went on a date with, and she even did the trademark thumb rub on my hand (big indicator of interest). Called her later...never heard from her again.

[YakasJourney]

Well you are going on dates, that's good. But maybe you are giving off a vibe that you don't think anything is going to work out?

[awdj]

Don't give up just take a break and do some things for yourself and get back into it when you feel ready.

 

A few rejections are nothing to worry about.