I Came Out to an Attractive Friend

[gardengnome]

Hello Everyone,

 

I told my friend that I'm bisexual. I've been fighting my crush on him for awhile, so I decided either way it could help telling him about me, but I didn't tell him that I like him yet. He's completely cool with it. I pretty much told him and didn't leave much time for discussion about it because I felt really awkward about it. It was one of the first times I told someone in person and sober...quite an accomplishment for me...

 

He's really effeminate, and he gets flirty and touchy sometimes, but they could just be jokes, and this is why I question him, although I've seen him make out with a girl for like a minute and he's had girlfriends in the past.

 

If he's completely staight, I want to keep being his friend, although he has 3 other friends that he is pretty much in a clique with, and that's really annoying, but I could still be a pretty good friend.

 

I don't want it to be weird telling him I like him, and I also feel like less of a confident, competent person telling someone that probably doesn't like me that I like him. Should I tell him, or should I just allow him to go from here? How long do I wait if I should tell him?

 

Thanks for your advice!

[ceez]

I suggest letting him come to you, he knows your bi now so if he likes you then he will make a move.

[Kaytie]

I suggest letting him come to you, he knows your bi now so if he likes you then he will make a move.

 

Yes. He won't be wondering if you're straight so he knows it's a possibility with you.

[FathomFear]

Hello Everyone,

 

I told my friend that I'm bisexual. I've been fighting my crush on him for awhile, so I decided either way it could help telling him about me, but I didn't tell him that I like him yet. He's completely cool with it. I pretty much told him and didn't leave much time for discussion about it because I felt really awkward about it. It was one of the first times I told someone in person and sober...quite an accomplishment for me...

 

Congrats! I think you have a good attitude about the situation. Just concentrate on being friends. It's a win/win. If he's gay or bi then at least you've set the stage where something could happen. If he's straight then at the very least you'll have a friend you can be yourself around.

[gardengnome]

Thanks for the advice. It's along the same lines of what I've been thinking after hanging out with him a few times, and I feel good about it.

[gardengnome]

I've been hanging out with him a lot the past few days, and he's been a great friend. Nothing has really changed at all, except that he's less touchy and flirty. He's been courting this really attractive girl though. I was at a party with the two of them last night and I just got really jealous and decided to leave. I've kind of hinted to him that I like him and he's not done anything to say that's a bad idea. It's really frustrating. I've got a week before I won't see anyone until August.

 

I've gotten over a crush before, so I know I can do it, but the last time it ended up in him and his girlfriend hating my guts. I'm not going to let that happen again but I want to get over it if there's nothing there. One of my biggest problems is I always doubt that there is in fact, nothing there...

 

: /

[FathomFear]

I've gotten over a crush before, so I know I can do it, but the last time it ended up in him and his girlfriend hating my guts. I'm not going to let that happen again but I want to get over it if there's nothing there. One of my biggest problems is I always doubt that there is in fact, nothing there...

 

: /

 

It's one of the hard parts of being gay or bisexual that isn't talked about that much. Even if everyone in the world were gay-friendly and there were no homophobia, the situation can still be very frustrating because we have the numbers against us. There's like a ~95% chance that a person you have a same-sex attraction towards won't be in a position to return your feelings because they're straight. Learning how to manage your feelings towards straight people in this manner becomes an important skill, or you'll find yourself constantly frustrated.

[gardengnome]

It's funny that I said he was 'courting a girl' because the next day I found out she's engaged to another man. I've thought of my friend as kind of a * * * * * now, and I want to help him not go in that direction... and for some reason I told him I like him, but I understand that he's straight and I just want to be his friend and not let that get in the way.

 

The biggest thing that bugs me is that he never told me that he isn't interested. It's really hard to get over someone that brings you in and then you tell them everything and they don't necessarily turn you away. grrr.