Bipolar

[lovemylife]

My sister suffers from bipolar disorder. They have her on meds that do nothing. She used to be a regional in apartment management. Now she sits at home and does absolutely nothing. Her husband comes home from work everyday to a filthy house. He does all the housework and takes care of the kids. Since she's been diagnosed with the disorder she's suffered from alcoholism and has tried to commit suicide more then once. She's been in and out of mental institutions, where they just medicate her and send her off. Her family is suffering and she's only getting worse.

[teabee]

I'm so sorry. It is so devastating to have a loved one in the grips of something like that. I totally understand and I know how hard it is for the family. How old is she? Has this happened before and she successfully gained her functioning back, or is this the first time?

[jmantra]

I have bipolar disorder, it's cyclical in nature. When you're in the grips of bipolar depression, it's like hell on earth. It almost seems if the pain will never end. As a result you become lethargic, nothing gets done, and you're unable to function at all. But with the right medications and therapy, an individual with BP will improve enough to where they can function normally again.

 

With that all said, I sensed some resentment and anger towards this person from your post. I think you need to show a bit more compassion. You don't live in this woman's body, so you have no idea what she's going through. From the way you typed your post it almost seems if shes doing things on purpose like leaving the house a mess and attempting suicide. Trust me shes not this to be malicious, she's sick and you need to show some compassion.

[lovemylife]

I don't understand how they haven't found the right medication yet. I suffer from depression. I had an awesome dr who gave me a take test to determine which of m hormones were inbalanced. I was excited to finally be put on the right medication. I've told her about this and all the websites I've found that offer the saliva and urine tests. She's not looked into them once. She has two kids, they are both suffering because she can't get better. I went to visit them and her 7 yr old daughter took a bath twice the entire week I was there. All of the clothes in her closet were too small. I posted them on craigslist and took her shopping. She cried when I left bc she finally had got some attention. My heart breaks for her. The son was visiting his dad. But, his stepdad, her current husband, said he had called him franticlly the week before scared his Mom had killed herself, after taking an entire bottle of meds infront of them. I'm a Mom of 3 and suffer from a similar disorder, I knew I needed help and got it immediately. I don't understand why she can't do the same. Why can't she at least check out the hormone tests? It's been years of me telling her about them now. I even asked her to schedule an appointment with her dr while I was there so I could talk to the dr about them. She acted very interested and ended up never calling them. I reminded her twice on two separate days. I don't think she truly wants to be helped. Her husband and ex feel the same way. That does make me angry. I love my sister and care about her, but, more importantly care about what it's doing to her kids. We didn't have the best childhood and we both believe the chemical imbalances are due to that. That being said, why not think about the kids she's affecting now? I don't understand. Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions or be so quick to judge me. If you have and understand the disorder, explain why she's not getting help and you seemed to be able to do so.

[teabee]

With that all said, I sensed some resentment and anger towards this person from your post. I think you need to show a bit more compassion. You don't live in this woman's body, so you have no idea what she's going through. From the way you typed your post it almost seems if shes doing things on purpose like leaving the house a mess and attempting suicide. Trust me shes not this to be malicious, she's sick and you need to show some compassion.

 

"You have no idea what she's going through" could also be used for the OP and the rest of the family. The ill person isn't the only one going through something. You can't simply tell the OP not to be resentful, it is way more complicated than that and I know from experience. My mom has schizophrenia and yes I have compassion for her. I bend over backwards trying to spend time with her, relieve her stress, guide her towards help, pay her bills, and show her love. But do I sometimes resent her and the situation? Damn right I do. Sometimes I downright hate her, even if I shouldn't. No, the disordered person is usually not trying to be malicious, but I don't think any family deals with it 100% compassionately 100% of the time.

[teabee]

This is how I feel about my mother right now. I don't know what to say, except that I understand how frustrating it is. You can't help people who won't help themselves.

[3boys]

Why hasn't she gotten the "right" medications or help? None of us can answer that. She probably can't either. What I can tell you is that your sister is not YOU. Just because you were able to recognize that you needed help and got it does not mean that she is able to do the same. I refused to admit I had a problem until I had an ultimatum put to me....voluntarily seek treatment or my husband was going to commit me involuntarily. And, I have to admit, him telling me that I had a problem made me feel worse and almost pushed me over the edge. Even today, I'm not 100% convinced that I have a problem because there are times when I feel "fine," even though people around me are telling me different. I've been on different medications for over 2 years and STILL haven't found the "right" combination. Treatment of bipolar disorder is much more complicated than depression and what "works" for one person may not "work" for someone else....primarily because you are dealing with moods that are both elevated and depressed. Medication to treat the depressed episodes can trigger manic episodes and vice versa. I found a medication that worked wonders for my bipolar depression, but put me into a full-blown manic episode....the doctor took me off of that and gave me medication for the mania, which caused a "major crash" and I ended up in a mental hospital for a week.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that comparing your sister's illness to yours isn't fair....and, it could even be detrimental. I know that the LAST thing I ever want to hear when I'm depressed is what everyone else thinks I'm doing "wrong"....usually it's someone telling me that I "shouldn't" feel "X" because of "Y" which makes me feel stupid on top of everything else. I know they don't see it the same way, but more often than not, it makes me feel worse. I know you think you're trying to "help" her by encouraging her to get the testing done and everything, but she could be seeing it completely differently....to her, it might be another example of how she's "messed up," which could be making her worse.

 

This is all my 2 cents, though, and I might be totally off the mark. I'm just trying to explain how she might be feeling, from the point of view of someone who's "been there." Even if she DOES do the hormone testing, there's no guarantee that the results will show a "cause" or that the treatment will be as successful as yours.....even if the testing shows that she has the identical hormone imbalance as you, what works for you might not work for her....

[lovemylife]

Thank you teabee for everything you said. I'm sorry about your mother. I appreciate both of the other opinions as well. I'd like your opinion on the most recent events. She finally changed dr's. I thought it was to get on the right medicine. She admited to me while I was visiting that the meds don't seem to be doing anything. She went home and had her husband convinced that this time she really wanted help. She told him about everything the dr. had said; she had to quit smoking, drinking all day and get up and walk around to get a bit of exercise. Turns out she only switched dr's bc her previous dr refused to see her any longer. She and her husband were both seeing the same PCM and he told the dr how she was abusing the meds. The new dr prescribed her the meds the previous had and she took half the bottle that night. The other half she saved for the next night. She stayed up 48 straight sitting on the comp, never moving from the couch. Her son begged her to play with him. She never did. I begged her to send me her info before knowing all this so I could do all the work to find out how to help. The Neuroscience place I had gone thru for my test would be able to tell me how much the test would cost after insurance. I could possibl pay for it and drive to her house, get her to take the test and I'd send it end. She continuously sent me msgs about how evil and heartless I was. I honestly feel like she doesn't want help and can't understand it. Her son will be old enough to change his full time custody to his dad, several hours away. Her husband wants to leave and at this point doesn't know why he's still there. She treats him badly and calls him names just as she did to me as soon as he tries to help. His family has paid for her to go the therapist she wanted to go to. She stopped going and they also can't understand why he sticks around. If he chooses to leave, she'll lose her daughter as well. Isn't this ennough to make you want to get help. If you didn't have the modivation to do it, wouldn't you let someone help you? I don't know what to do. The only other person she talks to is my Mom and she's afraid to tell her how she feels which is good bc it's obviously what she wants right now. She's not going to help herself, her husband has given up on trying and I'm the only one who can do anything. What can I do? I can't just sit here and let her life fall apart. Please any helpful advice would be much appreciated!!!