What did I do?

[AlteB]

I posted a personal ad online and I had one great response.I had been talking to this him online for a couple of weeks now and we decided to meet. Online and on the phone we kept each other in stiches. I was confident that the date would go very very well.I sent very recent full size pictures, I am plus sized and would never mislead anyone.

 

I get to the place and he is barely talking but its the movies so its not like we could talk a whole lot anyways. My date just seemed not really into me. At one point he sent texts from his phone.He did not make a remote effort to hold hands or show any romantic interest in me whatsoever. I figured maybe he was being a gentleman.

 

When the movie was over he said to me "Maybe can can do this again sometime." I replied "Sure thing." He didn't try to walk me to my car or anything.

 

 

I felt terrible afterwards. I deleted his phone number and email address from my phone books. I figured the next move would be on him, and I am a suffer in silence type. I don't like to bring attention of how bad I feel to the other party whom hurt me and I felt as if I kept his number I would be tempted to email him.As I expected there was no phone call or email later on that day or toay. He normally calls/texts/emails me daily.

 

I just don't know what I did wrong and it really hurts my feelings.To have someone seem so into you and then see you in person then not show interest really hurt my feelings.

[mrvaughn]

OK...i'm gonna use me as an example here. When talking on-line or phone it can limit the anxiety/stress or whatever u wanna call it, of not being face to face with someone whom u find attractive.

 

U went on a date and from the fact he says he wants to do it again is usually a good sign. It very easliy could be that here you both are, meeting for the first time, so he may have been a little intimidated...dating can be scary sometimes, lol

 

Give him another day or two, as he may be 'playing it cool' so to speak as he doesn't want to show his cards too soon i.e. that he likes you.

 

Not walking you to your car is not cool though.

[AtlanticD]

I'm wondering if you had photos of each other from the beginning. I would always want to get to know a potential partner knowing what they look like?

 

That aside it maybe that he was feeling insecure and instead of you feeling confident enough to push that to one side and enjoy the date you both failed to communicate very well, he might be feeling as much of a failure about the whole thing as you do. Texting during a date when you are with someone says to me he was desperately trying to communicate with you in a way that he could.

 

He probably just finds face to face communication very difficult. I guess you can decide whether you are prepared to put yourself out there and ask him out again and give him another chance or whether it's not worth the effort for you.

 

You always have a choice how you respond in a relationship and I know I for alot of the time i expect the other person to do the work, I forget that they need reassurance too and are probably feeling as bad as I am.

 

You're not responsible for his feelings but meeting someone for the first time is always going to be hard...maybe chat some more on line for a while if you like him...there's no rush...

[AlteB]

I stated in the beginning of the post We sent a lot of pictures to each other.He wasn't texting me during the movie he was texting/emailing someone else.

[newwave]

Well, the not holding hands means nothing in this aspect. In fact that would turn me off. I think he was just being nice by saying he'd contact you. I've had guys say that to me and I've said it to guys I had interest in. You likely did nothing wrong, he'd just not interested.

[BriarRose]

Okay, first of all, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong (yes sent photos from the beginning). Secondly, it was REALLY rude of him to be texting while with you . I don't care if he was into you or not - it was rude. Third, he didn't even walk you to your car. I've had on-line dates where the guy wasn't into me or that I never heard from again - but they all walked me to my car. The guy is a total loser - you dodged a bullet.

[AtlanticD]

I felt from what you said that you were worried he wasn't attracted to you being plus sized, so I wondered whether he had the pictures before or after you'd started talking about meeting up, because if the first profile he'd seen had a photo on then he would never had made any assumptions about your looks, and I thought you could eliminate that and assume he was just shy and you need a bit more time to get to know him...not opening car doors and stuff isn't great but little things like that can easily be learnt if you are attracted to each other and your personalities get on well, like when your chatting on text/on line.

[AtlanticD]

Reading the other replies, maybe i'm just too nice about him, and could a learn a thing or too!

[AlteB]

We sent dozens of pictures of each other. Each was realistic and up to date. He said he thought I was attractive.

[mrvaughn]

Reading the other replies, maybe i'm just too nice about him, and could a learn a thing or too!

 

If he calls/contacts again, go on the date & then see where u are at. You owe it to yourself to give it a go. Just don't have any expectations...just enjoy it for what it is (for now).

[charity]

you didn't really do anything wrong, except maybe get your hopes up too high. when i first started online dating i was the same, lots of messaging, calling etc and really connecting with the guy and then by the time the first meeting came round, i was convinced it would be a hit..... and it wasn't. it was very disappointing as by then you've got used to the chats and hello, goodnights etc. i've learned now from experience what works for me is this. swap pictures, exchange a few messages online,then arrange a date. no texting or calling until after that date if it goes well. that way if the date is not good you dont feel bad for either being rejected or having to reject him. you haven't built a connection up with this person who you haven't met so theres less expectation. and then on to the next guy. ha ha. seriously 9 out of 10 dates on online dating, you're never gonna see the person again so just enjoy the chats and the dates and eventually you'll meet a match.

[newwave]

Very true. This is the biggest problem with online dating. Unlike traditional dating where you probably know someone before you date, online you know nothing about them or their history. This is why when I did online dating I met fairly early. That way there wasn't a major build up. I learned this from years earlier when I did phone dating (these numbers you'd call to find dates). In phone dating I often talked for months, built up a relationship in my head, only to see it never amount to anything.

[AlteB]

OKay guys I am definitely taking notes.

[AtlanticD]

Hey this seems like good advice, how's it working for you?

 

I bottomed out recently after connecting with a guy before a date first few dates going well and then getting too serious too quickly. I agree work on your own life and see dating as a hobby, i'd love a boyfriend in some regards but dating would be a good way to improve social skills conversation and having fun....it's easy to start thinking of early dating as arranged marriage ...of definate outcome, lifes not like that you have to take risks...it's just learning to know what risks your confidence can deal with! still working on that one...

[AtlanticD]

Okay, first of all, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong (yes sent photos from the beginning). Secondly, it was REALLY rude of him to be texting while with you . I don't care if he was into you or not - it was rude. Third, he didn't even walk you to your car. I've had on-line dates where the guy wasn't into me or that I never heard from again - but they all walked me to my car. The guy is a total loser - you dodged a bullet.

 

I agree texting some one else when you're on a date is really rude! there I was naively thinking he was texting you...it makes me chuckle ....duh.....

[annie24]

i think a movie is a bad first date because you two can't really talk and get to know one another better. i say give it a week and if he doesn't contact you by then, he's not too interested.

[BriarRose]

i think a movie is a bad first date because you two can't really talk and get to know one another better. i say give it a week and if he doesn't contact you by then, he's not too interested.

The guy was a total loser. I would hope she wouldn't consider seeing him again. Texting someone else while with her? Not even walking her to her car?

[catfeeder]

Before blaming yourself, consider that this guy was basically a total stranger. All you knew about him is what he wanted you to know, even while he could have been concealing some social phobia that barely permits him to leave his house or some mental problem that doesn't allow him to bond with people in person.

 

You both exchanged plenty of photos so you know he found you attractive, and you both enjoyed relaxing phone exchanges, so you know he found you fun and responded to your sense of humor. But all of this was from the comfort of his own home.

 

For all you DON'T know, it could have been too much of a challenge for this guy to be on a date for 10 minutes, much less a two hour movie. The whole time you were wondering about his response to you, he may have been having a silent flip-out and was focused on nothing more than squelching a panic attack.

 

Of course, I don't know either, but I do know that there are plenty of people on this planet who are fine online or with phone calls, but they can't deal with human-to-human contact. You may have been a test worth seeing if he could pull it off, but he couldn't.

 

I hope he'll contact you and maybe explain himself, but he might be too embarrassed. I would not contact him, either. The last thing you need is to play nursemaid to someone. You deserve better than that.

 

Head high.

[annie24]

The guy was a total loser. I would hope she wouldn't consider seeing him again. Texting someone else while with her? Not even walking her to her car?

 

yeah, that's true. it is pretty tacky on a first date.