6 years of rejection has built up

[rusty_boi]

This is a bit long but please i beg you to reply!!

 

Lately my love life has been depressing me. My last 2 gfs where when i was 14, both left me for another guy and left me shattered (at that time because i really liked them). Since then i have tried my best to find another gf but ive had no luck. Its either they arent interested, have boyfriends, like my friends or something really common with me; we go on some dates and the minute i begin to let my self like them something goes wrong and they no longer are into me. I have set up an emotional barrier where i dont let myself fall for them too early, and the minute i let this down and start to let my feelings grow i get shut out by the girl. I have tried to go over every situation with a fine toothcomb and learn from each situation so i wont repeat my mistakes but even when i do nothing wrong the girl still manages to stop liking me. Also because of this i am a virgin. I guess you could say the last 6 years have been nothing but dissapointment and rejection for me. Everyone says "you have to go out there and find someone else, meet heaps of people." Well i have been doing that and all it seems to result in is the same story just with different characters.

 

On top of this there is a girl at work (police officer) who managed to break through my emotional barrier from our first shift together. Heres some brief history bout her. I have always found her really attractive, shes been working there for 5 years and i have been there for 9 months, she is 25 and has a bf, im 21 and single. We spoke chit chat until my first shift with her (which was after my first 4 months) but on that shift i found out she thought i was attractive by her saying "So why are you single? you obviously dont struggle with girls." she also said "Get your haircut you will look even more good looking." She also was telling me i look so much like her friend who she met by hooking up with at a night club. So anyway when were on our shift we talked more and have quite a bit in common e.g. starsign, beliefs, music taste, morals, etc. There is even little stuff that is kinda freaky like our police numbers being re ally similar (im 45309 she is 40359). We just have this natural comfort with each other and have become close almost instantly, and tell each other stuff that we normally wouldnt with anyone else at this level of knowing someone.

 

There has been other stuff, we have always had this vibe... i cant really explain it but it was there before we really started talking. Also a few times ive walked in the room and she would be talking with her friends and stop, one time one of the girls said "ohh look who it is sarah..."

 

Her bf doesnt really like us 2 hanging out alone, so we can only see each other outside of work if its a group outing.

 

So because of her boyfriend who works with us, i am unable to tell her how i feel. I fear im never going to get this chance aswell because she might be moving to the country police station soon (Which will at least allow me to get over her). Im dissapointed about the whole thing and truth is, at this point in time i dont really want anyone else. I think about her alot and it hurts me to not even be able to tell her how i feel, but it hurts more to know she is probably moving and with that any chance i have with her.

 

Everyone at work is starting to catch on that i like her (which i deny whenever im asked, for fear of it getting out in gossip). They are also starting to catch on that im a virgin. Which is really embaressing for me. I was out last night with some work people and one of them said to his gf "I know Michael (another guy we were with) does ok with the girls. But go and help Rusty find a girl." That comment is what sent me over the edge, i felt so embaressed (there have been other comments like "you wouldnt know what to do with a girl." all jokingly of course). And the truth is i would have welcomed the help, but im still liking my wounds from Sarah and i dont want anyone else. I told them i dont want help and they all said jokingly "Why is it because you like sarah?" the Truth is it was but i couldnt tell them that because i didnt want it to get out and cause problems for me. So they tried to get me to dance with girls but i never took the plunge, i kept getting flashes of other times on the dance floor when i had been rejected and i didnt want them to see that happen to me. So i left early to save myself any more embaressement

 

My 6 years of constant dissapointment and rejection is really starting to get to me and im starting to loose hope. And yes im only young, and i should be having fun but i cant even do that without being rejected constantly. Im told im quite good looking by alot of people, which frustrates me even more, becuase i wouldnt say i have high standards, Yet there are guys who are less good looking than me and do alot better than i do with girls.

 

It feels as if luck and fate smiles on everyone but me, i never have a situation where i can end up with a girl i.e. the saying "if its meant to be it will happen" ...well not if your me

 

Im at a wits end!!! Does anyone have any suggestions on what i should do about my rejection and now depression? Also how to fix my situation? ive tried everything i could think of from dating sites to nightclubs. Also please answer if your going to be supportive only, i cant really deal with bossy or aggressive answers.

[kaligrl22]

Why are you so focused on having a girlfriend?

[solsticefall]

You're measuring your self worth by whether or not you have a girlfriend. I can understand why you feel that way, but please realize that it doesn't reflect who you are or how good of a lover you'll be once you have one.

 

And don't feel ashamed about being a virgin. The truth is that virgins tend to feel that they're missing out, but non-virgins realize that the whole idea of virginitiy is blown out of proportion.

 

Maybe the way you're going about getting a girlfriend needs to change. I'd say, first, don't go for the girls with boyfriends - you have more character than that (and who wants to be with a girl who has a history of leaving her bf for another guy?). It is far easier to get a single girl than an attached one.

 

Second, I really think you need to stop focusing on it and measuring yourself by it. Don't try so hard. Really. There is a lot to be said for having an attitude where you're completely detached from the outcome. "She said no to my offer for dinner... Thank God I didn't blow fifty bucks on *her*" is a much better attitude than "She said no to my offer for dinner. So this is proof that I'm not good enough for anybody. Nobody likes me. There must be something wrong with me."

 

Keep your chin up, bro. And stop measure yourself by this. Let your character, integrity, and strength speak for themselves, and they will come (pun intended).

 

SF

[catfeeder]

It sounds as though you form intense investments before testing the waters instead of the other way around. That keeps burning you, yet it's the one pattern you haven't broken.

 

Don't wait for a crush to develop before asking girls out, date them to get to know them. It's easier to take risks when you're neutral and outcomes don't matter so much. Then you can learn whether someone is worth continuing to see, or not. When not, you can just move on to date someone else. The goal is to build an interest in someone who's already demo'd an openness to dating you--by dating you.

[JusticeLaw9]

I know you're frustrated about all the flak you've been recieving for the last six years, but facing rejection is a part of life. Not only in the field of love, but professionally too. For the rest of your life you will have to become accustomed to hearing people say, "No" sometimes. We can't always have our way. So as much as you'd like to win, you have to learn how to lose sometime too and not allow yourself to get jaded because of it. You've got a long way to go and plenty more "No" to hear.