Personality Vs. Looks

[CluelessDater]

I keep meeting good looking guys that are arrogant and into games, and ok looking guys with great personalities but I don't know what exactly I want anymore.

 

I can wait for the good looking guy with the great personality but he may never come and I may miss out on someone who has a great personality, treats me good but is not my mark wahlberg!

 

ANY ADVICE?

[greywolf]

Usually guys with great personalities become more physically attractive to me as time passes.

[CluelessDater]

is that not the same as settling?

 

I am very attractive but keep gettinng aholes and the ones who are ok looking and great i pass up....

[greywolf]

is that not the same as settling?

 

I am very attractive but keep gettinng aholes and the ones who are ok looking and great i pass up....

 

No, of course not. When my bf and I met, I thought he was cute and doable. Now I think he's the sexiest guy alive. I'm not saying that you should date someone you find butt ugly, but as long as a little bit of attraction is there, it usually leads to more once you become attracted to their personality as well.

[CluelessDater]

I think there must be something wrong with me then, my ex husband always used to tell me "you always want more nothing is never enough for you" and my friend tells me "you find a fault in every man" and I guess its because I just don't know what the hell I want anymore....

 

I want love, romance and all that good stuff but I always want to guy that everyone wants...

[doiiiieeezie]

I'd rather have the ok with good personality. My ex was not the most appeasing but it was his inner beauty that made him the most attractive man that i had ever seen. (he still is in many ways).

 

As a friend told me, do not settle for looks and sex only, because 50 years from now when both fade all you will have is conversation... and that's what makes a true relationship worth it.

[HouseKitten]

I get the feeling you're looking for that rom-com perfect guy - looks and amazing personality that practically slap you in the face, they're so obvious.

 

I agree with Greywolf - when I first met my boyfriend I thought he was attractive but I could name other attractive guys. Now as time has gone by and I've seen him in different situations etc etc, I've seen that he's actually the sexiest man on the planet and I can't imagine how he walks down the street without getting molested

 

I'm not saying you should settle, but a man doesn't have to be model-worthy to be attractive to you. If you judge the funny guys against the super-hot ones, no they probably won't come out best. What matters is whether you find a guy attractive in himself, not compared to others. Try dating some of the guys with great personalities and looks that are all right, and see how it goes. You might be pleasantly surprised.

[asthesparrow]

Do whatever you want, be alone, or settle for someone else in the meantime, that doesn't matter at all, it teaches you about yourself, love, r/ships etc etc.... All I can say is once "the package" arrives, TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(: (:

[Lucius]

Ugh. Give me great personality any day. I don't spend my days with an attractive body; I spend it with a personality. I want that personality to be as wonderful and compelling as possible.

[Shudder]

your friends and your ex husband are right

[In the Dark]

Those attractive men who you want in your bed attract women like a pile of poop attracts flies.

 

Ultimately what are you going to be happy with?

 

It appears you are pissed that the generically attractive men do not stop at you.

 

Indeed hot attracts hot and make exceptions for each other but really.

 

See the signs.

 

A man who knows they are hot physically by the amount of attractive women they pick up without even saying a word are not going to change their tune until they somehow loose their looks.

 

Same with you.

Once you realize that you are not all that anymore, you will settle for someone not as hot because you know that the chances of you getting someone you desire physically long term is NOT POSSIBLE anymore.

 

This is the cruelty of real life.

 

The good guy loses most of the time.

 

The attractive girl will give the hot guy a chance regardless of being a a-hole.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

This is the cruelty of real life.

 

The good guy loses most of the time.

 

The attractive girl will give the hot guy a chance regardless of being a a-hole.

 

True, men do that too.

[In the Dark]

True, men do that too.

 

Ugh there is always one.

 

If so how come we never hear.... "The good girls always lose...."

 

I have never seen a good girl or a bad girl fall for a good guy.

Honestly.

 

I mean I have but in the sense that they were dumped only a few months later.

 

Also to be honest.

Remembering back to when I was with my first GF.

I did some REAL A-HOLE things.

She stayed with me for the longest.

I showed a lot of signs that I would just up and leave at any moment and any time.

 

Reason being?

 

There were other girls equally as attractive and equally as nice wanting to immediately replace her.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Ugh there is always one.

 

If so how come we never here.... "The good girls always lose...."

 

I have never seen a good girl or a bad girl fall for a good guy.

Honestly.

 

I mean I have but in the sense that they were dumped only a few months later.

 

Also to be honest.

Remembering back to when I was with my first GF.

I did some REAL A-HOLE things.

She stayed with me for the longest.

I showed a lot of signs that I would just up and leave at any moment and any time.

 

Reason being?

 

There were other girls equally as attractive and equally as nice wanting to immediately replace her.

 

What I meant was that guys also fall for not so good girls just because they are attractive, just the way it is!

 

You know what bothers me? this supposedly ok/bad looking guys only have a good personality because they can't afford to be a-holes. If they had good looks, they would just be like the other ones with good looks. So really, I don't really think they are much better than the other guys just because of their personalities.

[HouseKitten]

You know what bothers me? this supposedly ok/bad looking guys only have a good personality because they can't afford to be a-holes.

 

Aha! What you are describing there is classic 'nice guy' syndrome, when a man is a good person not through being a naturally good person, which is generally far less offensive, but because he feels he is average looking and can't rely on his looks to put him ahead, and so has to cultivate a 'nice' personality.

 

This is the sort of man who eventually ends up here moaning that girls don't go for nice guys and they always get friendzoned. Girls like men who are good people just fine, but 'nice guys' don't realise how incredibly obvious it is when you're only being someone's friend because you want to get into their pants.

[Lucius]

ok/bad looking guys only have a good personality because they can't afford to be a-holes. If they had good looks, they would just be like the other ones with good looks. So really, I don't really think they are much better than the other guys just because of their personalities.

 

I guess you'd call that the "glass is half empty" perception of men.

 

It fails when one realizes that there are many attractive men (and women) who are not "a-holes". One wonders then, given they can "afford" to be a-holes, why they'd choose not to be? Travel far enough down the rabbit hole and we reach the conclusion that ... personality is not based entirely - or even mostly - on one's looks. The idea that it is strikes me as an ironically superficial analysis.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Aha! What you are describing there is classic 'nice guy' syndrome, when a man is a good person not through being a naturally good person, which is generally far less offensive, but because he feels he is average looking and can't rely on his looks to put him ahead, and so has to cultivate a 'nice' personality.

 

This is the sort of man who eventually ends up here moaning that girls don't go for nice guys and they always get friendzoned. Girls like men who are good people just fine, but 'nice guys' don't realise how incredibly obvious it is when you're only being someone's friend because you want to get into their pants.

 

Very true! If a guy like that treats you like a princess, it is usually because he can't get any better and has to keep you in his life. I think a guy who CAN get girls but decides to stay committed to you is the real catch, not the typical whiny "nice guy".

 

It fails when one realizes that there are many attractive men (and women) who are not "a-holes". One wonders then, given they can "afford" to be a-holes, why they'd choose not to be? Travel far enough down the rabbit hole and we reach the conclusion that ... personality is not based entirely - or even mostly - on one's looks. The idea that it is strikes me as an ironically superficial analysis.

 

I didn't mean to deny that.

[In the Dark]

What I meant was that guys also fall for not so good girls just because they are attractive, just the way it is!

 

You know what bothers me? this supposedly ok/bad looking guys only have a good personality because they can't afford to be a-holes. If they had good looks, they would just be like the other ones with good looks. So really, I don't really think they are much better than the other guys just because of their personalities.

 

Yep this is true for some.

Hot attractive guys can afford to be a-holes because many women good or bad want them to do them.

 

Simple.

 

Few women wat an ugly *cough* okay guy to do them.

But at the same time it is whittled down a lot more as to which men to do sex and which do not as men can not pile on primer and what not on their face to make themselves "look" attractive.

 

Aha! What you are describing there is classic 'nice guy' syndrome, when a man is a good person not through being a naturally good person, which is generally far less offensive, but because he feels he is average looking and can't rely on his looks to put him ahead, and so has to cultivate a 'nice' personality.

 

This is the sort of man who eventually ends up here moaning that girls don't go for nice guys and they always get friendzoned. Girls like men who are good people just fine, but 'nice guys' don't realise how incredibly obvious it is when you're only being someone's friend because you want to get into their pants.

 

So what you are saying is guys who come here ranting, who are ugly, make themselves into the nice guy only to do what the attractive a-hole get naturally.

 

This sort of mindset in females is what makes the hot attractive guy get laid regardless of how much the ugly or should I say "average guy" guy works on.

 

What you are suggesting Housekitten is ugly men who come here hurting are just the same as the attractive men?

 

I can see this becoming a pointless debate with the obvious right in front of our faces.

[HouseKitten]

What you are suggesting Housekitten is ugly men who come here hurting are just the same as the attractive men?

 

Well, that'd be a massive generalisation. But I'm sure we all know or have heard of men who think faking nice and being a doormat is the way to go when you don't rate yourself looks-wise.

 

Not all ugly men are nasty people underneath, just as not all attractive men are either. There is just a certain breed of man who thinks he's behind in the attraction stakes and tries to get women by being that overly nice fake friend, and then ends up places like this wondering why no girl seems to want to go out with him. I think that type of calculated niceness is far more obvious than these guys think.

[StrawberryYogurt]

It fails when one realizes that there are many attractive men (and women) who are not "a-holes". One wonders then, given they can "afford" to be a-holes, why they'd choose not to be? Travel far enough down the rabbit hole and we reach the conclusion that ... personality is not based entirely - or even mostly - on one's looks. The idea that it is strikes me as an ironically superficial analysis.

 

Very good point. I guess some people didn't learn anything from my thread from a few days ago.

[Chantal87]

Aha! What you are describing there is classic 'nice guy' syndrome, when a man is a good person not through being a naturally good person, which is generally far less offensive, but because he feels he is average looking and can't rely on his looks to put him ahead, and so has to cultivate a 'nice' personality.

 

This is the sort of man who eventually ends up here moaning that girls don't go for nice guys and they always get friendzoned. Girls like men who are good people just fine, but 'nice guys' don't realise how incredibly obvious it is when you're only being someone's friend because you want to get into their pants.

 

SOOOO true! I see this too much. aka with the guy that was Nice, average looking but turned into a d-bag

[LightbulbSun]

Perfection is unattainable, because everyone is flawed. Even the good looking ones. The good looking ones can have a flawed personality, and the ones with great personalities can have flawed looks.

 

What you should strive for, instead of attaining perfection, is attaining completion. Someone who completes you, with a personality that you find stunning and looks that you find attractive (even somewhat.)

 

Again, you cannot attain perfection.

[hockeyboy]

The older I get, looks mean less and personality means more.

 

Usually guys with great personalities become more physically attractive to me as time passes.

 

So true. Someones personality can really make them more/less attractive physically.

[newwave]

Looks are subjective and many times the guys I find hot aren't at all. The last guy I liked was on the homely side but I liked him because he had a great personality (or rather did because now he's being a jerk). Guys who are terrible to me won't get a second chance, guys who are will, even if they aren't my type.

[Go Habs Go]

For me, personality always wins. I can flip it and say attractive women are obnoxious and stuck up. Of course, that wouldn't go over well, would it? I have trouble trusting attractive women because of the way I was treated prior to my adult years. I would go for the average looking girl 10/10 times. The good looking people that have great personalities, often weren't good looking their entire lives. They've been on both ends and know what it's like.