Is My Boyfriend Sexually Attracted To Me?

[KeepMe]

Maybe I'm just really insecure, maybe I'm not ... I'm famous for over reading things, and getting the wrong idea. I'll be first to admit I think the worst in everything, and little things may be nothing but I make them into something. I don't want to be wrong on this, so I'm asking for your opinion.

 

My boyfriend brought up the idea of watching porn together a long time ago. I decided I would have an open opinion with it, and say what the heck. We watched a few times and the result was alright. We found a series we liked that had an actual movie line in it, plus some humor.

It's been awhile since we watched porn together, and our sex life has been great. I've noticed it has decreased a tad' bit, but nothing too out of the ordinary. My boyfriend is really into the pornstar look of girls. He likes the little bitty waist, and the huge boobs. When first meeting I was a tiny little thing, and he was absolutely amazed at the size of my breast for my frame. Now I've gone through a little stress and have some extra baggage, nothing too much, but I can notice it. Though he reassures me that he loves my body, and I'm gorgeous to him ... I somewhat don't believe him. I know I'm very self cautious of myself, and I would do anything absolutely ANYTHING to get a smaller frame.

Well, last night I was quite in the mood. We had talked about sex earlier on in the day and he didn't seem all that thrilled about it. As the night etched further, he seemed more excited. Usually he complains that he can't see me, since I'm a big "lights off" fan. He complains that he is turned on by my actions, and would like the lights on. We have done it with the lights on a few times before, and it was okay.

Last night we lit candles and did it in the main room, it was well lit things went great. During four play he ended up ready to have sex, so we went for it. He started going limp! So he asked if I would give him a bj (Not trying to gross anyone out, or give too much info ... lol) he would get hard a little and then go limp. Finally I just said ... you aren't even hard anymore, and he gave up. I started thinking it had to do with me, is this weight having anything to do with it, did I not look the part? How can he just go limp? He explains that he was not really in the mood, and that made me feel really stupid.

So tonight we're playing an online game, and he whispers me on the game (even though we were sitting next to each other) "I think I want to watch the frisky movie, with my girl ... if she wants to." This kind of upset me because now he wants to watch porn with me, so we can have sex. I suppose I'm a little insecure since it is the women in the porno that he is getting aroused by.

 

Is this something normal? Or should I take offense to it? I really don't know. I admit fully that my feelings were hurt by it, he wasn't in the mood last night, now tonight he wants to watch porn?

 

I have noticed that lately it's been really hard trying to make him go, and that makes me curious. We were talking a few nights ago about sex, and porn, and what not. I told him that I've never fantasized about someone else while having sex with him, and I said something else (can't remember) on the same lines of that and he hesitated a moment, and said uh huh. Not like "Oh well me neither," or "Yeah, I haven't either." My heart really dropped right there, I felt like he actually does and didn't want to admit it. It's so hard to talk to him about all of this because one I feel childish, and foolish. And for two I don't want to bring it up and him change only because I'm wanting him to. It's something I feel I shouldn't have to say to him that it hurts, and that he should already know.

 

Help?

[greywolf]

Do you get wet each time you have sex, or orgasm every single time?

[BellaStranger]

It sounds like carrying this bit of weight has knocked your self confidence and sometimes its the decline in confidence rather than the physical appearance that turns our partners off! If that is you in your avatar piccy then you are an absolutely stunning girl and you really dont need to feel less attractive because of a few extra pounds!

 

That said, I have been in your position with weight gain, and I know that no matter how many people tell you that you dont need to lose any weight, cos its 'only a few pounds', it doesnt make you feel any better. If you start taking steps to lose the weight- like going to the gym, eating well, the confidence will follow and I'm sure your bf will notice!

 

As for the porn thing- I hate porn, I think there is no better way to kill a girl's confidence than to think your bf gets off to these fake, dirty, unobtainable creatures- I think porn should be kept totally out of relationships. But this is just me and I know that not all girls feel this way and I make no judgement on those who dont. You have done this before and enjoyed it- there is no reason for your boyfriend to think that you should feel any different this time. Men are not so perceptive about female self image!! I would see it that he has recognised a problem in your sex life and is looking to spice things up within the relationship, in a way that has worked before- which can only be a good thing! It means he is at least motivated to make things better with you, rather than looking elsewhere!! Maybe do it sometimes, but say you dont feel like it other times... I would only be worried if it became EVERY time you have sex!

[KG]

Perhaps try amateur porn.. complete with sags, wrinkles and a few extra pounds? See if that works.

 

And remember, all guys are not always "in the mood". We have our down times too.

[KeepMe]

Thanks to all who replied, I was on short time so I had to be brief in explaining. It's a madness that I can't shake, I can't bring myself to terms to talk to him about it since I just sound foolish in my mind anyway.

We have always had a great sex life, but I think it runs deeper than sex. I really love him a lot, but things are different then they were before. I feel almost as though he has lost a spark for me, I want it to be how it was from the beginning. I know sparks die down, and things will never be like they were when I first met him, it's just saddening. I really feel that we are falling apart.

And so night before last when he went limp after all the things I did for him ... lingerie, candles, music, even a * * * * ring! and he still went limp. That was an ouch for me majorly. Then of course my feelings immediately shot downward and I ended up getting really sulky. All he could respond with is "Well, I wasn't in the mood. I was but he wasn't (referring to his penis) is that even possible? How can he be in the mood for sex, but his penis not? Am I not what his penis is wanting?

He also makes little comments that I take to heart when it comes to my weight. I'm not the type that craves attention and down myself all the time, but sometimes I will say "God what I'd do to have a smaller body!" I'm not expecting him to come back with "Oh your fine the way you are, or your gorgeous" nothing like that, but he will say "Well if you did, you wouldn't be with me then." Alright, so I wouldn't be with him if I was skinny, but since I'm fat I'm stuck with you?

 

When I do talk with him it's always a "oh your just misunderstanding me." It's always a misunderstood thing, and that really isn't what it is, he can't take the blame for ANYTHING that he does. He can't just say "yeah I goofed up" it's always me not understanding him. Now that all of this has actually went down, and I was upset, I think we're breaking up now.

[KeepMe]

Perhaps try amateur porn.. complete with sags, wrinkles and a few extra pounds? See if that works.

 

And remember, all guys are not always "in the mood". We have our down times too.

 

 

Completely understood, there are times when I'm not in the mood either. I know men aren't mind readers, but the right thing to do would have been to say "I'm not too in the mood tonight, I'm sorry." I would have said "Hey that's cool, no problem." I would not have been mad in the slightest bit. However, he fakes like he is in the mood then tells me he's in the mood but his penis isn't. How is that going to make me feel any better about myself? If I was in his place and he was in mine and I got everything ready for him, did everything he liked, got everything he wanted, then barely after four play shut down ... how would he take to that? Then to say "Oh well ... I want sex, but my vagina doesn't ... sorry."

I think that would take a huuuge chunk out of his "man" ego.

[KeepMe]

You are such a sweet person, thank you for taking your time to reply. I agree with porn, I'll be completely honest I've watched porn on my own, but I think I have a different perspective than men. I had watched it because it was the "act" of it, I'm not staring at the guy and thinking that it's me he is banging. I'm not trying to say all men, so I don't want anyone to jump all over me. But I know guys are visual creatures, and when they are watching that girl they have to be somewhat imagining it's them that the girl is getting pleasure from.

I have a low sex drive when I'm by myself, my boyfriend always gets me in the mood. I don't need porn, and I don't need sexual material to get me going ... I usually have better things to do then to sit around and masturbate. I was pretty iffy when he brought it up to begin with because like you, I see the same thing .. it's dirty. What was a huge ouch is that we haven't watched porn in the longest time. It seems like things are going good then it's almost as though things start slipping down. It's taking him forever to go, a lot of the times he won't even go. So I try to make one night be amazing as possible and he isn't in the mood, then the next night he wants to watch porn. I think it was more alarming for me to see that he actually wanted to watch porn out of the blue, then the every time sort of thing. It was so out of the ordinary.

 

I've been trying to lose some weight, but I'm stuck in a harry situation. I can't lose weight, no matter what. I have some health issues, and it's causing me to keep this weight from stress just stuck there. I don't have any health insurance so I can't really go to the doctor at this time, so working out gets me no where. That doesn't help either. I try knocking off the stress but when stuff like this comes up it just flusters all over again ... horribly.

 

I feel like I've just died on the inside, and I'm not even sure why!

[KeepMe]

Do you get wet each time you have sex, or orgasm every single time?

 

I do, he even complains that I'm too wet ... how the hell do I fix that? I always orgasm during four play, then on the times that he doesn't go at all that night he'll ask "Did you go?" and when I say yes all he says is "Well that's all that counts." He isn't mad when he says it, he almost comes off as "Well good, I got her off now I can go to sleep." I don't even bother him with sex, I'm not always asking for it.

I don't know....

[Baily]

I do, he even complains that I'm too wet ... how the hell do I fix that? I always orgasm during four play, then on the times that he doesn't go at all that night he'll ask "Did you go?" and when I say yes all he says is "Well that's all that counts." He isn't mad when he says it, he almost comes off as "Well good, I got her off now I can go to sleep." I don't even bother him with sex, I'm not always asking for it.

I don't know....

 

wow...as a guy I dream of having a woman like you...

 

I'm not trying to be weird here...just know that many many many guys like that...

 

as far as why he doesn't.....no one here will ever know....maybe the initial 'infatuation' for him is over and he's settling in.

[Perrin83]

I do, he even complains that I'm too wet ... how the hell do I fix that? I always orgasm during four play, then on the times that he doesn't go at all that night he'll ask "Did you go?" and when I say yes all he says is "Well that's all that counts." He isn't mad when he says it, he almost comes off as "Well good, I got her off now I can go to sleep." I don't even bother him with sex, I'm not always asking for it.

I don't know....

 

One think I can suggest for the orgasm during foreplay, is that you could 69. Because you have to concentrate on him, you may not get all the way there. Then you could get it during the sex

[lissax]

He is definitely turned on by you. If he wasn't he would just go in the bathroom and have a wank or watch porn alone and have fantasies about the "frisky" girls. He is obviously more turned on by having you there. My ex told me after he split up with me that he used porn to get me jealous because sometimes he felt like he wasn't good enough, * * * ...remember that men also need confirmation

 

So yeah, if he wasn't turned on by you he would NOT ask you to join him watching porn. And he might go limp because he knows you're not really into watching porn, so that should kill it for him as well.

 

 

Don't worry babe

[pinkelephant]

I do, he even complains that I'm too wet ... how the hell do I fix that? I always orgasm during four play, then on the times that he doesn't go at all that night he'll ask "Did you go?" and when I say yes all he says is "Well that's all that counts." He isn't mad when he says it, he almost comes off as "Well good, I got her off now I can go to sleep." I don't even bother him with sex, I'm not always asking for it.

I don't know....

 

no, you read this wrong. it's more like, oh good job, you made her happy.

 

the guy adores you.

[Gath]

And so night before last when he went limp after all the things I did for him ... lingerie, candles, music, even a * * * * ring! and he still went limp. That was an ouch for me majorly. Then of course my feelings immediately shot downward and I ended up getting really sulky. All he could respond with is "Well, I wasn't in the mood. I was but he wasn't (referring to his penis) is that even possible? How can he be in the mood for sex, but his penis not? Am I not what his penis is wanting?

 

Sounds like me might have folded to too much pressure, that is possible. And sometimes yeah, the mind is willing but the flesh will not cooperate. It happens to every guy now and then, ussually at the worst possible time.

 

He also makes little comments that I take to heart when it comes to my weight. I'm not the type that craves attention and down myself all the time, but sometimes I will say "God what I'd do to have a smaller body!" I'm not expecting him to come back with "Oh your fine the way you are, or your gorgeous" nothing like that, but he will say "Well if you did, you wouldn't be with me then." Alright, so I wouldn't be with him if I was skinny, but since I'm fat I'm stuck with you?

 

Thats not a good thing for him to say. Not because he doesn't think you're good looking, but because it means he has some major confidence issues as well.

 

When I do talk with him it's always a "oh your just misunderstanding me." It's always a misunderstood thing, and that really isn't what it is, he can't take the blame for ANYTHING that he does. He can't just say "yeah I goofed up" it's always me not understanding him. Now that all of this has actually went down, and I was upset, I think we're breaking up now.

 

This guy has some major issues he needs to work through. This is pretty normal, a lot of us are pretty screwed up in this world, but thats no excuse for him to be hurting your feelings. If you two can afford it, some therapy might be a good idea. if not, you both need to work through your issues together. if he's unwilling, this is not going to work out well.

[KeepMe]

wow...as a guy I dream of having a woman like you...

 

I'm not trying to be weird here...just know that many many many guys like that...

 

as far as why he doesn't.....no one here will ever know....maybe the initial 'infatuation' for him is over and he's settling in.

 

Well thank you very much, unfortunately about him "settling in" you're probably right. This is one of those times I wish there were more things for women that go all out on sexy, luscious, men; just to give some guys a taste of their own medicine. See how he feels about me settling in, and back to gorgeous men magazines. lol.

[KeepMe]

One think I can suggest for the orgasm during foreplay, is that you could 69. Because you have to concentrate on him, you may not get all the way there. Then you could get it during the sex

 

Well I thought about this too, see, at first I was insecure about 69. It just made me feel really weird, also about my weight me having to be the beach whale that climbs on top of him just made me feel very odd. However, I decided to try it to please him, it wasn't so bad. I figured I would try it more and more to get more comfortable all to be disappointed in the end. He likes 69 that for almost a week and a half that 69 became our sex. Never penetration just straight out oral sex from start to finish, and he used the excuse "Well ... I'm just not in the mood to hump you tonight." more frequent then not. How nice!

[KeepMe]

He is definitely turned on by you. If he wasn't he would just go in the bathroom and have a wank or watch porn alone and have fantasies about the "frisky" girls. He is obviously more turned on by having you there. My ex told me after he split up with me that he used porn to get me jealous because sometimes he felt like he wasn't good enough, * * * ...remember that men also need confirmation

 

So yeah, if he wasn't turned on by you he would NOT ask you to join him watching porn. And he might go limp because he knows you're not really into watching porn, so that should kill it for him as well.

 

 

Don't worry babe

 

 

Thank you doll, you have a really great point. I do feel some attraction has been lost, maybe not "lost" but a lot like Baily said ... the infatuation is over. But I guess if he was mortified by me, he would hit the door running. I usually worry myself too soon that I begin to believe any and everything. Thanks for the support.

[KeepMe]

no, you read this wrong. it's more like, oh good job, you made her happy.

 

the guy adores you.

 

I guess it's just the tone of his voice, and the way he makes it come off really gave me that impression. Thank you muches for responding.

[KeepMe]

Sounds like me might have folded to too much pressure, that is possible. And sometimes yeah, the mind is willing but the flesh will not cooperate. It happens to every guy now and then, ussually at the worst possible time.

 

Well I'm glad I know that now, it happens more so then not. Would this maybe be a form of Erectile Dysfunction?