The 'get it off your chest' post! All join in.

[unhappy101]

Thought it might be good to have a thread where we can ramble and get things off our chest. Kinda like the post here instead of contacting your ex thread. I'll start.

 

Relationships are weird sometimes. I HAD to change my thinking urgently.

 

The ironic thing is, is that since I stopped contacting my life has changed. I have lost weight, gained confidence, a great job opportunity has presented itself (although a hard course), I gained some really good new friends, people say I have tons more confidence, and the trust issues I had I look back, and think what was I doing? I can see my behaviour was way OTT sometimes and I was stuck in a rut I couldn’t claw myself out of..

 

When my ex left, she threw me a lifeline, a rope to get out of the hole - but once I was on my own two feet, she was gone. Now I can give her what she wanted from me, she no longer wants me!

 

Now, I have heard that my ex is talking to a guy we had a big row over once (don’t know if it is true or not as was just a random/private call on my old phone I had to reconnect and how would they know?) but if she IS talking to this guy, then it’s something she needs to do. I no longer feel pain or have issues over this kind of stuff? For the first time I have self worth. I set up a face book account for my new iPhone, and noticed she was on there too (we even think alike post break up). In the past I would have flipped, but now it doesn't bother me at all.

 

I was going to ask her to move in with me and ask her to marry me this year, and wanted to have a Cyprus wedding or a wedding in her hometown. I bought her a nice ring that I had inscribed ’ Together Forever HL xx’. I wanted to make it so special for her. I can’t bare to look at that ring, that’s the hardest thing for me. Seriously.

 

She is hurt just like me. I know she misses and loves me, and probably wishes I was around or it had worked out. That makes me want to comfort her and hold her, but hold on it’s me and her that ended!

 

There was one time I really needed to call her but I just didn't, that was hard.

 

I’d love to be friends with her, as long as she didn’t rub it in my face who she was seeing.. I think it would be cool to hang out, go for a coffee and chat about life, the weather was really nice this week just gone and I wanted to just spend time with her walking in one of London’s parks. I went with a friend though, and watched a couple on the lake trying to row a boat. They kept going around in circles bless them lol! 4 years is too much to throw away. Maybe a reconciliation wouldn’t work, but I think a friendship would.

 

Don’t get me wrong. The thought of her still turns me on, and being generally intimate was special, but I ‘d rather not have that, and have her in my life than not at all. All or nothing thinking isn’t productive, I know that now.

 

What would I do different? Well I realise that some of my traits from my second relationship hadn’t gone. I would show more affection, listen more, have days where we saw our friends, trust in her, show her all about my new job stuff, show her I am finally getting to where I always wanted my life to be. When I pass from my course, I will be earning good money and we could have had the place we always wanted (never thought about this till I wrote it down - damn that’s depressed me)!

 

My course takes me around every part of London every night. I have gone past literally every place we hung out and she lived/lives (its my job to learn routes) and I think of those times and smile and sometimes I am sad. I am hurt, it would be great to see and hear her as I think I am forgetting her little traits which frightens me. I did a lot of things wrong, I did a lot of things right. Its just memories are the worst. Even when I change the wheel on my car I remember she took an interest in it or general car stuff.

 

Even places I have never been to with my ex remind me of her?? I went to Brighton (a sea side town in South England) a week ago and it didn’t feel right her not being there even though I was with 20 people!! The simple fact is the 21st was missing friend or girlfriend.

 

I have prayed only twice. I feel God knows what I want, and if he thinks it right, then I hope we can be good friends. I want her to be part of my birthday (30th eeek)! Even if we’re friends.

 

I dropped something out of my pocket 6 weeks ago in a room in her building (something special to me) and I am sure it will still be in there where I left it and I want it back. The thing is if she saw me, I know she would think I was there for her and run in the opposite direction. So as painful as it is, I will have to go and leave without her knowing I was ever there, and leave without her instead of knowing she is coming with. It’s not a fair deal, but what will be will be.

 

I don’t have false hope. I wouldn’t be ready to get back with her. I just don’t want to loose her forever. I have had signs I should fight for her. One of the biggest was I was doing my course at the college, and I met a guy who I have since become friends with. When I asked him his name he told me Chris Tomlin which was/is her favourite singer. I was gob smacked ( and I think he thought I was nuts).

 

The thing about my ex and I is, if we realise we really want something I know we would move heaven and earth to get it.

 

Got to give it to God and see what he gives us back down here I guess.

 

Sorry for going on, went to a birthday do and am a little awake!

 

Post your thoughts peeps!! They say it helps to write it down.

[furiouspsych]

Sounds like a similar situation to mine. Me and the ex didn't have a bad break up, she's a good girl and I still think about her going on 5 months now...yet I've moved on for the most part.

 

I started dating asap, I always do. It helps me. My ex contacted me recently but it didn't go anywhere, it's really silly that we haven't tried to work it out at least once...but oh well. I know she's thinking similar, or she wouldn't have contacted me, but she'll be moving away in a week...tho just for 6 months.

 

Interesting thing is my old ex, a gal I haven't dated since 2006...we're both single now for the first time since then. She hurt me more than any girl ever has...and I got past that. She's been wanting to try things again for a few years now, always hating on my girlfriends. It's crazy that I'd even consider dating her again after so long and all the crap we went through...but I don't think I WILL date her again.

 

I'd also met a pretty cool girl recently and dated her for about a month, but she had bad breath...like ALL the time. IDK, very strange for such a pretty, "normal" girl to not notice this. That's really the main reason I stopped dating her too...I couldn't stand kissing her. Must have halitosis, seriously...it's messed up, I pictured girls with no teeth being the ones with bad breath 24/7...then along comes this beautiful, smart girl that has no idea her breath is foul...

 

Strange times being single...but I've been able to live with it. I don't think I would have any fun being single if I hadn't had a date or tried getting out though...

[cntrofthestorm]

i tried to write in here earlier but i've been having some kind of mental block (for pretty much the past 2 weeks haha). it's pretty much been 60 days and i just still don't feel that good. but that's not even true because i do feel good and compared to how i was before, it's amazing. what i feel is just almost impossible to explain, i'm just one big contradiction.

 

i just feel like ive had all this self revelation, so much so that i don't know who i am anymore. i don't want to date because i don't want to worry about how others see me when i'm not even sure how i see me. and i don't want my ex back but it's killing me that we don't even talk anymore. that we dont even say hi when we see each other. but i asked for that... i guess i just thought he wouldn't listen if he really wanted to be friends that he would try. but if he really wanted to be friends, he would listen to what i said i needed...

 

It's just that i don't know how to be his friend... "broke my heart", "can't have deep conversations", "isn't mature enough to talk about things that bother him" and "gives up when things get a little complicated" are not qualities i usually look for in a friend. i try to compare it to some of the friends i've stopped talking to and even though i loved them, the effort i was putting in was just not worth what i was getting out of it. so why isn't this the same? why can't i just move on?

 

i have finals and i'm so stressed out, i don't have time to be worrying about him. but here i am... i'm thinking of being more friendly the next time i see him. but what if it all just falls apart again after that?