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I have known a guy for almost 3 years and he won't meet me in person...

soconfused1022

By soconfused1022
in Online Dating

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son1 Apprentice

son1

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Thanks for writing. I had a slip up earlier and text him back. I am going right back to NC now. I'm an idiot.

 

You're not an idiot.

 

This guy has pulled you in. Don't give in to this guy's crap. Holy smokes, he must have really played with your mind....! Chances are, he will probably pull the same crap as before. Just be strong, there's plenty of nicer guys out there. By the sounds of your posts, you're being waaaay to nice and this guy is trying to run all over you.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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You're not an idiot.

 

This guy has pulled you in. Don't give in to this guy's crap. Holy smokes, he must have really played with your mind....! Chances are, he will probably pull the same crap as before. Just be strong, there's plenty of nicer guys out there. By the sounds of your posts, you're being waaaay to nice and this guy is trying to run all over you.

You are right! I have been way too nice. He doesn't deserve anything from me.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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I have been reading this book about ambivalent men. It is really helping me.

 

Here is an excerpt from it, I think it is true in my situation:

 

A male cyber "friend" who's intensively engaging with you on the Internet/phone/text but never wants to actually meet in person.

 

The flirtatious bantering never escalates into a true romance. He hints and teases but can't seem to close the deal. Emotionally healthy men don't fuel chemistry that goes nowhere. If they're interested in something more, even if it's illicit, they will initiate some kind of romantic or sexual encounter pretty soon. They don't stay in indefinite limbo.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Yes, i agree, a healthy guy WANTS to see you in person, have sex, etc. If this guy is not asking for that, then he is either already getting his sex and relationship elsewhere with someone else, or he has serious problems.

 

So he only agrees to meet when on the verge of losing you? That is equally bizarre. Even if you did meet him, he would probably be AWOL most of the time, because that's the way he likes it, a nice fantasy with no real demands on him...

 

Just keep up the NC, and look for a local guy who can actually see you (and WANTS to see you).

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Yes, i agree, a healthy guy WANTS to see you in person, have sex, etc. If this guy is not asking for that, then he is either already getting his sex and relationship elsewhere with someone else, or he has serious problems.

 

So he only agrees to meet when on the verge of losing you? That is equally bizarre. Even if you did meet him, he would probably be AWOL most of the time, because that's the way he likes it, a nice fantasy with no real demands on him...

 

Just keep up the NC, and look for a local guy who can actually see you (and WANTS to see you).

I totally agree. He can say whatever he wants but my gut tells me that it will never happen. He is being nice to try and get me back on the hook. I don't even have a desire to meet him anymore.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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I got a text from him saying that he wants us to meet the last weekend in July. Nice try, I just don't believe him anymore. As soon as I would say ok and start trying to pin him down to more of a concrete time...flights etc. he will just put me off like he has done before. Gonna continue NC.

 

Even if we assume for a moment that he is serious - July??!!

 

This guy needs to get over himself.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Even if we assume for a moment that he is serious - July??!!

 

This guy needs to get over himself.

Exactly!! 3 months????? Come on!! That is enough time for him to find a way to bail out of it. I have to laugh at the situation. That is all there really is left to do!! He needs to find another sucker.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Well true, but in a way I kinda feel sorry for him because what he is doing is so pathetic it must mean he has a life that isn't doing much for him.

I know what you are saying. He has had me in his life for 3 years!! Does he expect me to wait forever?? I think he is only thinking of himself. I will probably never know the real deal. Very sad to have wasted so much time.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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The guy i knew who did this kind of 'far in the future' planning was juggling women...

 

he really liked having me there for him emotionally, but he really wasn't available for a real life romance that involved any ability to plan and carry out getting together very often... I found out later that he was married and lying about it, but he just needed more than one woman to nurture him emotionally at any given time... sick!!

 

I really would guess that this guy does have a steady girlfriend/wife in his town, and hence CAN'T really plan anything because she'd find out... so he keeps planning this far in the future stuff to keep you one the hook, but knows the odds of him carrying it out are really small.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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The guy i knew who did this kind of 'far in the future' planning was juggling women...

 

he really liked having me there for him emotionally, but he really wasn't available for a real life romance that involved any ability to plan and carry out getting together very often... I found out later that he was married and lying about it, but he just needed more than one woman to nurture him emotionally at any given time... sick!!

 

I really would guess that this guy does have a steady girlfriend/wife in his town, and hence CAN'T really plan anything because she'd find out... so he keeps planning this far in the future stuff to keep you one the hook, but knows the odds of him carrying it out are really small.

I think it is probably like you say as well. I think he dates local girls and for some reason he looks to me to fill whatever need isn't being met by his current squeeze(s). Hours ago he tells me he misses me so much and wants to see me. I haven't heard a peep from him since. He is so full of it. All talk, no walk!! I'm done. I will change my number if I have to.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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I know what you are saying. He has had me in his life for 3 years!! Does he expect me to wait forever?? I think he is only thinking of himself. I will probably never know the real deal. Very sad to have wasted so much time.

Oh, I am not saying you should have anything to do with him. I don't think it would be wise for you to do that.

 

All I am saying is that the giuy is a loser whatever reason he has for doing this and I kinda feel sorry for losers. As I said in a previous post, he needs to get a life.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Oh, I am not saying you should have anything to do with him. I don't think it would be wise for you to do that.

 

All I am saying is that the giuy is a loser whatever reason he has for doing this and I kinda feel sorry for losers. As I said in a previous post, he needs to get a life.

Oh I understand exactly what you are saying! I was just venting because I am angry with him. I really appreciate all of the things you have written DN. I will have to be posting on here for awhile i'm afraid, until I can get past all of this. He is like a soul sucking vampire in my life. I don't wanna hurt anymore.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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Oh I understand exactly what you are saying! I was just venting because I am angry with him. I really appreciate all of the things you have written DN. I will have to be posting on here for awhile i'm afraid, until I can get past all of this. He is like a soul sucking vampire in my life. I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Well, the way to do that is to put him on ignore - both physically and mentally. Don't let him intrude into your life either by phone, text, message etc. but also by not allowing him into your mind - and if you do find yourself thinking about him force yourself to think about something else.
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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Well, the way to do that is to put him on ignore - both physically and mentally. Don't let him intrude into your life either by phone, text, message etc. but also by not allowing him into your mind - and if you do find yourself thinking about him force yourself to think about something else.

You are so right! If your mind wanders too much you tend to start second guessing yourself. Thanks so much for all the advice you have given me!

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Taikero Newbie

Taikero

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I have offered to go and see him many times. He always says "yes that would be great, let's make plans". He never follows through. The last time I asked he said "sometime this summer". That's not an answer.

 

This right here is when I would have bailed. No normal single guy turns down an offer from a woman he cares about to come see him.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Don't listen to the manipulative hornswaggle...

 

If he cared about you more than he can fathom, then why not hop a plane to actually see you? He's just used to the attention and stimulation of a fantasy romance. Maybe that's enough for him (if he has a steady girlfriend/wife), but it's NOT enough for you.

 

Don't respond, just ignore ignore ignore.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Don't listen to the manipulative hornswaggle...

 

If he cared about you more than he can fathom, then why not hop a plane to actually see you? He's just used to the attention and stimulation of a fantasy romance. Maybe that's enough for him (if he has a steady girlfriend/wife), but it's NOT enough for you.

 

Don't respond, just ignore ignore ignore.

I am ignoring him. I know he is just manipulating me. If I were to respond I know things would be exactly as they were before. He is still on the dating site too and he added more pictures this morning. How stupid does he think I am.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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^^^

Hahahaha! Sorry, had to laugh at his supposed "unfathomable" love while he busily uploads pictures to a dating profile to attract other women!

 

Honestly, what a twit he is!! You deserve far better!

LOL...I know, I really have to just laugh. Everyday I am getting more perspective. I am actually getting my own fair share of email on the dating site. He will be long forgotten before you know it. It will all be just a bad memory!

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