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I have known a guy for almost 3 years and he won't meet me in person...

soconfused1022

By soconfused1022
in Online Dating

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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I was just wondering how he would've reacted if you tried to come up...if he tried to make excuses, I'm sure there is someone in his life or something that he cannot reveal. That's not fair to you.

I was on his Facebook until recently, I just finally deleted him. I don't think there is anyone else. I think he likes the fact that I have always been there for him. I am just a back-up plan I think. I honestly don't really know.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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I wouldn't have given him more than two chances to meet in person unless there was a true emergency that I was sure I could document. Watch the feet - what he does -not the lips - what he says. He knows by now that your "ultimatums" don't mean anything because you keep coming back for more. Sure, if you want to give him one last chance, go for it if you're positive that no matter what the reason is that he bails (and he likely will) you will stop all contact with him. Obviously you benefit from continuing to be in contact with this person or you wouldn't continue.

 

And yes he could have a wife or serious girlfriend and talk to you every night. At the very least, I would do a background check on him - the internet has cheap enough ways to do that.

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waveseer Rising Star

waveseer

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What do you think the end game is for people that do this sort of thing? He has some deep rooted insecurties? That when we actually meet he thinks it won't be the same? I just want the truth, bottom line. A direct answer, I don't care how badly it hurts. I want and deserve that. He doesn't want to give it so I have to accept that no answer actually is my answer.

 

It may seem like you need an answer, but the only answer you really need is that he is NOT the man for you. Rest assured, you have different goals and any more time you spend on him (even trying to figure it all out) is a waste of your time and energy. Time and energy are our most precious resources and my advice is to value your own.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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I wouldn't have given him more than two chances to meet in person unless there was a true emergency that I was sure I could document. Watch the feet - what he does -not the lips - what he says. He knows by now that your "ultimatums" don't mean anything because you keep coming back for more. Sure, if you want to give him one last chance, go for it if you're positive that no matter what the reason is that he bails (and he likely will) you will stop all contact with him. Obviously you benefit from continuing to be in contact with this person or you wouldn't continue.

 

And yes he could have a wife or serious girlfriend and talk to you every night. At the very least, I would do a background check on him - the internet has cheap enough ways to do that.

Thanks for responding. I am not going to give him any more chances. I am drained emotionally and I can't take it anymore. It's a waste of my time.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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It may seem like you need an answer, but the only answer you really need is that he is NOT the man for you. Rest assured, you have different goals and any more time you spend on him (even trying to figure it all out) is a waste of your time and energy. Time and energy are our most precious resources and my advice is to value your own.

Thanks Waveseer. It really hurts but I would rather have this time be the last I feel this way. Being in constant limbo is no way to live.

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waveseer Rising Star

waveseer

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Thanks Waveseer. It really hurts but I would rather have this time be the last I feel this way. Being in constant limbo is no way to live.

 

As you begin to practice your new way of life you will know a new freedom and a new happiness. I hope that you can enjoy them to the fullest extent possible. Be of good cheer, the best is yet to come.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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As you begin to practice your new way of life you will know a new freedom and a new happiness. I hope that you can enjoy them to the fullest extent possible. Be of good cheer, the best is yet to come.

Thanks so much. I am feeling a little better now. It's gonna be a great weekend with my friends!

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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You would be surprised the ruses that men in a relationship will go to to get a little spice on the side...

 

Married men with cellphones can sneak in all kinds of conversations, while their wife is at work, while they're at work, while they're driving to and from work, while the wife is out shopping, while she's taking the kids somewhere etc.

 

Long distance relationships have more than ordinary risk because it is very hard to actually know what a person is doing/what their living situation is without either (a) going to see them in their own home or (b) paying to do some online investigation that shows who else lives at the same address, who their possible relatives are etc.

 

There is also a chance he has seriously misrepresented his age... perhaps he's much older than you and pretending to be younger.

 

You have to stop and think, why wouldn't someone want to meet you, if you are really good friends and emotionally really close? The simplest explanations are the best, that he is either already 'taken' (married or girlfriend) or else is misrepresenting himself somehow and doesn't want to find out because of that.

 

so definitely move on.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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Actually, you can use this website (or other's like it) to find out more (if you are in the U.S.):

 

link removed

 

Do a 'people search' until you're sure you've got the right person, then you can pay $40 to get a huge listing of information about the person... it will show other people they might live with etc., and if you find a woman's name closely linked to the person at the same address, you have a good idea something is not right.

 

I discovered one guy who wanted to date me LDR was married by doing this! Didn't even have to go to his town because the online databases linked them together.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Actually, you can use this website (or other's like it) to find out more (if you are in the U.S.):

 

link removed

 

Do a 'people search' until you're sure you've got the right person, then you can pay $40 to get a huge listing of information about the person... it will show other people they might live with etc., and if you find a woman's name closely linked to the person at the same address, you have a good idea something is not right.

 

I discovered one guy who wanted to date me LDR was married by doing this! Didn't even have to go to his town because the online databases linked them together.

Thanks for writing but I have actually found out what I need to know. A couple of pages back I mentioned I joined a dating site. I decided randomly yesterday just to do a search for him, ie age city etc. What do you know he was there on the site!! I have no idea how long he has be on there, what a jerk. He has been playing me all along. What an idiot I am. I didn't tell him I saw him yet. He text me this morning that he misses me since I ignored him yesterday. I guess I mean nothing to him. After all this time, what a fool I am.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Oh, I'm sorry, i didn't see that!

 

Yes, he is probably dating other local girls since that is easier/less expensive. Or may have a steady girlfriend but flirt up other girls on the side for entertainment.

No need to apologize at all. I only signed up on the dating site 3 days ago, I just saw his profile on there today. I think what you say is true. At least I know there is no point anymore and I will be able to move now. It won't be so easy at first but I know I will be ok.

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doiiiieeezie Contributor

doiiiieeezie

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I am starting to get the pathetic texts from him now "you don't care about me anymore", "i miss you". What a manipulator!!!

 

You'll get those because he has lost control of the situation. I would get the same from the said person in my life then and actually accused me of betraying him. That was the end for me.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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You'll get those because he has lost control of the situation. I would get the same from the said person in my life then and actually accused me of betraying him. That was the end for me.

He called my office phone a few minutes ago after he sent the "you don't care about me anymore" text. Then I quickly looked at the dating site and there he was "online now". Yeah I can tell he misses me! He is just looking for another victim to replace the void I have left.

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alcide Collaborator

alcide

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he is maybe criple or he has low self esteem or he is not what he is, or there is some secret he is hiding and maybe afraid of losing you if he see you and you don't appove of his appearance....

 

now have you seen any pictures of him, and do you know for a fact that he is what he is in the photo....

 

some men it is difficult for them to get a woman, and they just need attention they will spend all the money on phone cards, even if the relationship goes no where, but at the end of the day all they care about is having someone play attention to them....???? so look at it clost and talk to him ,,, so what is the distance between u two, how far does he lives,

 

you should tell him how you feel, and stop waisting your time with a relationship if thay=ts what your intentions are thats going no where,,, where as 3 yrs you could have started building your life with ur lover...

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Thanks for responding. I have seen many photos of him and I was on his facebook for awhile. He has quite a few friends so I know he is who he says he is. The only thing is I think he has gained a little bit of weight. He hasn't posted any new pics in awhile. Not a lot of weight or anything, just a little beer belly. It would not bother me at all. I think it is like some others on here have said. I think he likes me in his life long distance while he talks to other girls where he lives. I think it is a security thing or an ego boost.

 

I have told him how I felt many times. All he ever says is that we will make plans soon and he never follows through with them. I know I am never going to see him but I am ok with that now.

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soconfused1022 Newbie

soconfused1022

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Wow that's terrible...you wonder what this guy was really up to, I'd reallllly question his motives but in either case stay strong. Don't beat yourself up over wasting time with this guy either, at least he's out of your life now!

I have moved quickly past the sad stage to the anger stage. More angry at myself for being such a fool. I know it is just something I have to let myself feel so I can move forward. He doesn't really care obviously so neither should I. I have not heard from him since around noon yesterday. Hopefully he is gone for good.

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