I have known a guy for almost 3 years and he won't meet me in person...

[soconfused1022]

I will try to make this brief. I met a guy online almost 3 years ago now from out of state. We talk ALL the time. Phone, email, texting etc. He always says we will make plans to see each other but it never happens. I really care about this guy and as weird as it sounds I believe we have a very close relationship/friendship.

 

I have waited for so long but I am now about ready just to tell him that I can't talk to him anymore. It is going no where and I already feel that I have wasted so much time because it seems I will never actually meet him. It makes me very sad to think that I will never look him in the eyes. What can I do though, I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

 

What could be the possible reasons he won't meet me? He isn't married, we talk almost every night so that isn't it. I just don't understand and I can never really get a straight answer from him. Is he content for things to be the way they are and is afraid to tell me because he knows if he doesn't want to meet me that most likely I will not talk to him anymore?

 

Any thoughts?

[waveseer]

If you feel you are wasting your time then you know what to do. My only suggestion is to give him a heads up that you are done waiting.

[JusticeLaw9]

It sounds like you're wasting your time on something that may never happen. Surely there must be someone a lot more willing to see you than this guy.

[Fudgie]

I think you need to give him an ultimatum.

[soconfused1022]

I have told him I am done waiting before and he gets sad and tells me we will see each other. Then the cycle starts all over again. I wonder if it would be best if I just stop replying to his contact. It seems when I try and tell him I get sucked back in. Maybe I should just ignore him from now on?

[DN]

I don't think his reason for not meeting you matters so much as the fact that he won't. If I were you I would move on - in fact, I would have done a long time ago.

[soconfused1022]

I have and we talk about making plans but he never follows through. I guess I just need to accept that for whatever reason he won't meet me. He is the only one that knows why. It is so hard though because I really do care about him.

[JusticeLaw9]

I have told him I am done waiting before and he gets sad and tells me we will see each other. Then the cycle starts all over again. I wonder if it would be best if I just stop replying to his contact. It seems when I try and tell him I get sucked back in. Maybe I should just ignore him from now on?

 

You're being his victim. Stop being his victim and be your own hero; rescue yourself from nonsense like this.

[metrogirl]

How do you know for sure he's not married? Just because you talk at night doesn't mean anything, maybe he works nights or his wife works nights.

[Zeitgeist]

Do you know what he looks like already? I'm asking b/c he may be insecure about something such as his looks and might be afraid that if you meet, you might not be interested in him afterwards. He would have no choice but to conclude that it's his looks, since you already somewhat know his personality. And if he's afraid of that he might want to simply keep things as status quo rather than risk losing you as this person he's probably come to rely on for companionship.

[soconfused1022]

I don't think his reason for not meeting you matters so much as the fact that he won't. If I were you I would move on - in fact, I would have done a long time ago.

I hear ya. I know I need to, it is just taking that step. I guess I can move on because I know I have tried. He knows how much I want to see him. I think I am going to tell him that I will not have any contact with him unless he gives me a concrete date for us to meet. Is that a good idea do you think?

[soconfused1022]

How do you know for sure he's not married? Just because you talk at night doesn't mean anything, maybe he works nights or his wife works nights.

I know what you are saying but we talk too often for him to be married. I really don't think that is it.

[Fudgie]

You really need to put your foot down and tell him "meet me or I'm leaving". and don't get sucked back into the vicious cycle. This nonsense ends now.

[soconfused1022]

You're being his victim. Stop being his victim and be your own hero; rescue yourself from nonsense like this.

You are right, I know it is time. That is why I decided to sign up here.

[soconfused1022]

You really need to put your foot down and tell him "meet me or I'm leaving". and don't get sucked back into the vicious cycle. This nonsense ends now.

I am going to do it, I am ready. I know I can meet someone else. I have wasted a lot of my life talking to him. Time that I will never get back.

[g84]

It seems hard to guess what could be the problem : [. Do you feel that he has been afraid or hesitant for some reason? Maybe the only thing you can do is write him a letter, and let him know what you're feeling. Tell him that the relationship and friendship is really important for you, but it's hurtful to keep going this way, and that you want to be able to come to a decision.

[soconfused1022]

Do you know what he looks like already? I'm asking b/c he may be insecure about something such as his looks and might be afraid that if you meet, you might not be interested in him afterwards. He would have no choice but to conclude that it's his looks, since you already somewhat know his personality. And if he's afraid of that he might want to simply keep things as status quo rather than risk losing you as this person he's probably come to rely on for companionship.

I know he has gotten a little bit of a beer belly over the last year or so. It doesn't matter to me at all though. I care about him for who he is. Maybe that is what it is though, I don't know.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Time to end this. He knows he has blown you off repeatedly...you have given him ample opportunities to clean up his act and he still won't. I think he will get the message when you stop responding to his contact. He will probably try to make you feel guilty and give some sob stories to manipulate you to respond but don't cave in. With a man like that, even if he relented and actually met you, it would probably still be an ongoing battle trying to get him to meet you a second time. In other words, he enjoys the fantasy of knowing you are around, but he doesn't want to make it real. He has had long enough...time for you to move on.

[soconfused1022]

It seems hard to guess what could be the problem : [. Do you feel that he has been afraid or hesitant for some reason? Maybe the only thing you can do is write him a letter, and let him know what you're feeling. Tell him that the relationship and friendship is really important for you, but it's hurtful to keep going this way, and that you want to be able to come to a decision.

I tried to talk to him so many times about it. It's like he always wants me on the backburner or something. I might not ever know the real reason.

[soconfused1022]

Time to end this. He knows he has blown you off repeatedly...you have given him ample opportunities to clean up his act and he still won't. I think he will get the message when you stop responding to his contact. He will probably try to make you feel guilty and give some sob stories to manipulate you to respond but don't cave in. With a man like that, even if he relented and actually met you, it would probably still be an ongoing battle trying to get him to meet you a second time. In other words, he enjoys the fantasy of knowing you are around, but he doesn't want to make it real. He has had long enough...time for you to move on.

I think it is best just to just go NC. Is it really that important that I tell him I am going to do so? When I stop returning his phone calls and texts he will know the reason why already.

[Zeitgeist]

I know he has gotten a little bit of a beer belly over the last year or so. It doesn't matter to me at all though. I care about him for who he is. Maybe that is what it is though, I don't know.

Some people prefer the fantasy over reality. Especially if they have enough life experience to understand how much reality can suck. Still, he needs to grow some guts and take some risk.

[CatsMeeoow]

Three years????

 

Hon... if he wanted to meet you he would have by now. No matter how close you feel to him cause you talk to every night you really don't know this guy. Plain and simple.

 

He is satisfied with what he is getting from you and doesn't have a need for more.

 

I've been in these situations... texting, emailing, etc. Sometimes I just never made time for the guy beyond the superficial stuff no matter how much personal info I gave.

 

This is very common... getting that "closeness" that you crave when you need it but really lacking the commitment of a true relationship. Hmmm.. I saw the term somewhere... e-relationship?

 

I can see your frustration but you have allowed this continue as well. Let him know that you are looking to making this beyond what you have now and if he has no intention of making that happen you will move on.

 

Good Luck in your decision....

[JusticeLaw9]

I think it is best just to just go NC. Is it really that important that I tell him I am going to do so? When I stop returning his phone calls and texts he will know the reason why already.

 

Let him wonder about you...

 

Just like you've been wondering how he'd look in person, let him wonder what happen to you.

[g84]

As you said earlier, it really sounds like you've tried your best in this situation.

I guess it is best to move forward.

[soconfused1022]

You are right. I just signed up on a dating site tonight. I am going to try and meet someone new and LOCAL.