What to think

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

I dont know anymore... Weve been back in contact for over a month now and i still feel like im in total limbo. Its like one week shes showing signs of wantint me back and the next week its like i dont even exist. Last week i told her i was tired of this and that all she had to do was tell me if she still ha feelings or not..that i respected her decision if she had no interest in pursuing anything...she usually has no problem with being honest and blunt but she responded by asking me to go have lunch with her... I just dont know anymore, shes confusing the hell out of me. She has told me that knowing how easily she could have me really turned her off. So i really dont know what to think or how to act. For now im just doing my thing but we havent spoken in 2 days. Anyone have any insight?

[Loxxt]

I think she told you everything you need to know!

 

1. She knows that you're available

2. You want to know whether or not she wants to be with her

3. Because of #1 you're not going to get an answer to #2

 

I'd keep NC. Try to find yourself again and learn to be a little selfish. There's a fine line between going with the flow and doing what others want because you just want to be with them. By the sounds of things you're doing the second. Don't be afraid to turn her down and do what YOU want to do.

[LoveSoDeep]

Sorry to say this but no one really knows but her and if she's not willing or able to open up yet than all you can do is wait or walk away. She seems confused and not ready to close the door completely.

 

I'm right there with you all I want is to know if he has any intention of getting back together with me...I can handle it if he says no...I really can...but I just need to know so I can get my head straight and know where to go with my life....I don't think that's too much to ask but it doesn't matter if he's not ready to answer.

[misssmithviii]

Oh wow. She's throwing your emotions around like a rag doll and you're attracted to her? Forgive me, but a girl like that who enjoys watching you run around with your head cut off trying to understand her is ignorant and just not worth any man's time. She should've given you a straight up answer.

 

I wouldn't pursue her anymore. I think she gave you your answer when she refused to answer you, and said that your attraction to her turned her off. She's just not that into you man ;]

[Brownstone322]

She has told me that knowing how easily she could have me really turned her off.

People here (myself included) have told you that part over and over. That was guaranteed to happen.

[jimmajam]

People here (myself included) have told you that part over and over. That was guaranteed to happen.

 

Agreed.

 

I'll probably take some heat from you and other members here for this post, to be very honest, I have been reading your story the whole way and I don't think you changed all that much since the breakup. One thing I noticed is that your posts were always really emotional. You were either angry, confused, desperate, whatever. I don't think you ever really got over her or wisely used the time apart. By the time you reach out to your ex, or the luck that she reaches out to you, you should have been neutral towards her or at the very least not get too upset when things don't work out. It seems like you used no contact to make her miss you, still talking and worrying about her constantly, then when you realized it wasn't working you reached out...and here we are and you haven't really solved your own issues.

 

Maybe this is your wake up call to really get your act together and get over her. I know it doesn't make sense, but humans are stupid, they don't want a sure thing, it's boring for them.

[Brownstone322]

I don't think you ever really got over her or wisely used the time apart.

"Wise use of time apart" is one's single best opportunity.

 

I've posted before that, on balance, I'm actually glad that my ex and I broke up. I'm grateful that we've had this time apart. We may never reconcile our differences, but both she and I needed to make changes in our lives, and that wasn't going to happen as long as we were together. I am, in many ways, a different person from who I was before, and, ironically, I owe much of that to her.

 

Anyone who doesn't make wise use of time apart should have no expectation of a positive outcome. Besides, why continue pursuing a girl who left you for another guy?

[justletgo07]

I think Jimmajam really hit the nail on the head. If you're unable to demonstrate to a group of strangers that you have changed, grown, become emotionally stronger and less of a doormat for your ex, do you really think you can convince her?

 

As many have said, your posts are filled with desperation, panic, and frustration. Look back over your posts. Your exes behavior is not all that confusing...in fact, it has appeared fairly consistent since you started posting here. She doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't want to lose your companionship. She has made fairly clear what she wants, and I don't think you can continue to fault her for that.

 

The decision of what to do is in your hands, as it has always been, and to her (and many of us I might add) you appear too scared to do anything. You'd rather keep things ambiguous than make a firm decision about YOUR LIFE. That is the part that's not attractive. You're too scared, and not confident enough to make a firm decision about what you want to do. I can't fault you for that, nor can many of us here because we have been guilty of the same thing, but at some point you're going to have to stop all of this.

 

You're not getting what you want from the situation, and the situation is causing you a great deal of stress. That is no one's fault but your own. You know what to do. No more blaming her. No more confusion and questions.