my boyfriend's drinking....

[lilsmc]

my first question here is:

What is considered an alcoholic?

 

Well lets see, my boyfriend has always enjoyed to drink. He cant just drink and get a buzz. He drinks to the point where he wobbles all over the place and (in my perspective - he drinks to the point of embarrasement) and he drinks to the point where he does not remember absolutly anything the following day. He gets obnoxious and loud, which is something he wouldnt do sober as he tends to be a little on the quiet side.

He drinks about 5 days out of a week. As soon as he is out of work, he and his "drinking buddy" go over to his house and pound on shots. They each do about 10 vodka shots and proceed to about 10 beers. I dont know how his body deals with it, because he has to be up so early for work the following day.

I also hate going to sleep with someone who reeks of alcohol.

 

I think the world of my boyfriend - he is extremely smart, has successful job, and is even going to china for a business proposal.

 

But when he drinks, he becomes someone totally different and I find myself always looking after him specially when we go out with a group of friends to a bar or club. I cant really have fun because i always have to hold him so he doesnt trip or bump into other people.

 

I also feel like he chooses to hang out with his buddy and drink, rather than to hang out with me and that really annoys me. I always tell him to take it easy with the drinking or to try not drinking that much. His response is "What's the point of feeling buzz, If I'm going to drink, I'm goign to get drunk"

He spends SOO much money on booze its not even funny. He has cases of beer in his garage and as soon as he starts going low he has to go buy more.

 

I'm starting to really wonder about his behavior and whether this is healthy for me in the long run. I love him very much but lately I have been getting so irritated with his drinking and honestly i don't know what to do.

what do you think I should do?

[mmmd]

uhhhhhh... that's like full fledged alcoholism.

 

i mean, that's really, really bad. you can't be in a relationship with somebody who does that.

 

so you either have to get him to stop or leave.

[DN]

Ask him to try the CAGE questionnaire:

 

1. Have you ever tried to cut down your drinking?

2. Have people ever annoyed you by criticising your drinking?

3. Do you ever feel guilty about the amount you drink?

4. Have you ever had a morning 'eye-opener' drink to cure a hangover?

 

Two or more 'yes' answers are indicative of an addictive drinking problem.

[sidehop]

Alcoholism has nothing with to do with one's social status or their health. It's already affecting the relationship as well as we can only assume how much damage it's already caused in his body.

 

How does he act when he's not drinking? Pretty soon if he has no one to drink with he'll do this at home. He needs to recognize the behavior and get treated. I can only hope he's not driving after he drinks. He's putting his health, the relationship between you two and other's lives in jeopardy.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I would definitely say his drinking is heavier than a healthy level. His attitudes about the effect of alcohol do not sound like that of someone with control over himself. It could be a phase or a serious problem but if he doesn't see a problem then he will not change.

[4ever2gether]

that is for sure an alcoholic. ask yourself...do I ever want children? and if so is this who i want to have them be raised by? an alcoholic that seems to need to be drunk all the time? I already see this as a red flag. i would talk to him and let him know that its either he gets help and stops drinking ALL the time, or your out. if he doesn't stop he doesn't care! I had a dad that use to do this during the first years my parents got married, and this is what my mom did, and thankfully I don't ever remember seeing my dad drunk because he stopped before i was old enough to know.

 

Good luck!

[Jd1983]

They each do about 10 vodka shots and proceed to about 10 beers.

 

Definitely an alcoholic in my books, this much alcohol 5x a week?

 

He also chooses to drink, rather than to spend time with you? That's ridiculous. There is a lot more going on, than just his alcohol content.

 

No, it is not healthy for you at all.

 

I would ask him to get help.

[testcase]

Ask him to try the CAGE questionnaire:

 

1. Have you ever tried to cut down your drinking?

2. Have people ever annoyed you by criticising your drinking?

3. Do you ever feel guilty about the amount you drink?

4. Have you ever had a morning 'eye-opener' drink to cure a hangover?

 

Two or more 'yes' answers are indicative of an addictive drinking problem.

 

See I don't know if I believe this. You either have a problem with drinking or you don't. I know personally I answered about 3 on this questionnaire but I can definitely say I'm not addicted to drinking.

 

All that aside yes it does sound like he has a problem. That is a ridiculous amount to drink 5x a week.... and for what purpose? To me it would seem like there is a reason he is drinking that much. If he is just doing that with a friend, at home? Yea it sounds pretty bad.

 

I know as a drinker if I'm drinking that often... most nights I'm just having 3 beers max. Maybe just setting out to relax with some friends and have some good conversation at the local spot. When you take multiple shots you are setting out to get drunk.... not something you should do every time you drink. Usually if I get plastered like that its by accident. Almost never intended.

[OntheWire]

I agree...alcoholic. You should leave. Have you ever watched those A&E intervention shows? It takes an act of Zeus to get these people to listen to the intervention. Then, almost every one of them relapses after treatment. It's depressing to watch.

[testcase]

Hm I mean I'm not denying that. I guess I just see 1-3 run together. If you feel guilty about your drinking odds are your going to try to cut back.... and if you cut back it's probably because you feel guilty about how much your drinking. #4) is not something I do everyday or even semi often. If I'm on vacation and wake up a bit hungover I may make a mimosa or something to relax with. #2 would seem like a big indication and I can say I don't meet that one. But I'm not trying to hijack this thread.

 

Again to me it seems like he has a drinking problem because he is setting out to get drunk! 5x a week. That is ridiculous. Does he have any other problems that this may be some kind of self medication for?

 

In my opinion the people who have drinking problems are the ones who go out to drink and go from sober to drunk every time. I know these people. See them all the time. Chances are if you say "What's the point of feeling buzz, If I'm going to drink, I'm goign to get drunk" you have a drinking problem regardless of how often you drink.

[Catdancer]

This is my life. We have a young son, my ex is a drinker. I would love it if he would stop, but he wont so there is no hope that we can be a family again. Look back at my old threads and you'll see what happens when you stay and try to ignore the drinking and insuing behavior. It's not a happy life. It's full of misery, hurt and disappointment. I love my ex, but we cant be together. And it sucks.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think that you need to give this relationship some serious thought. Between his drinking problem, and the fact the he has previously abused you, are definitely red flags that you need to address.

[lilsmc]

thank you all. I am sorry i took so long to answer back.

I also think that he drinks way too much and always finds an excuse to go out drinking.

I know today he wants to hang out with me because he spent his weekend probably binge drinking. I love him and I have told him many times that he needs to seriously cut back... He says he will once he has kids or what not.

His "drinking Buddy"'s wife just had a baby few months ago. and I feel like this guy was never there for his wife during her prgnancy. He would come over a lot and spend time with my b/f drinking. and Its like wow, your wife is about to have your baby and you are staying out late drinking and then DRIVING HOME. Keep in my mind that he already has two very young kids at home.

I totally felt bad for the wife because she is most nights home alone, pregnant and with two other kids to take care of. My b'f buddy's excuse is ""WELL she stays home all day, she doesnt have to work so she can handle it.

 

I mean, its really ridiculous how much they drink, and the worst part is that they both find it pretty hilarious. I totally hate it and like i said I totally feel bad for this guys wife. Which makes me wonder If i was to married this guy, would he do the same thing to me?? I hate it how he drinks only to get drunk and i hate it how i feel like i have to watch after him when we go out because he cant control himself.

 

Like i said, i have def. made him aware that I dont like this and he needs to cut back. He sort of did for a while but now he is back to drinking a lot.. and its only making me very angryy at him

[Car Chick]

Ask him to try the CAGE questionnaire:

 

1. Have you ever tried to cut down your drinking?

2. Have people ever annoyed you by criticising your drinking?

3. Do you ever feel guilty about the amount you drink?

4. Have you ever had a morning 'eye-opener' drink to cure a hangover?

 

Two or more 'yes' answers are indicative of an addictive drinking problem.

 

AA pamphlets have a questionnaire like this one but longer. I am a seven year member. OP, your bf needs definite help, but he won't quit until he's ready. You can try to get him to a meeting, but if he absolutely refuses, then it's up to you to decide how much you can take. I also suggest going to Al-anon or Families Anonymous. It's for family members of alcoholics. They can help you to deal with the problems you face being with him and offer support from those who have been there.

[Catdancer]

Again, I could have written this myself. Everything that you wrote applies to me and my ex. Your man will not stop or cut back. He doesnt see that there is a problem, so to him, there is nothing to change. It's up to you to either deal with it, or make the change to make you and your kids happier. He will not change. So, if you marry him, you had better be prepared to marry him EXACTLY the way he is now, drunk and stupid.