Do all people "need" therapy if they prostitute?

[miragerie]

I am wondering whether people think that people who sell their time/body for sex are people with some sort of mental issue/past or present abuse who need therapy. I am not looking to start a political, or religious discussion on this. This has to do with my personal experiences. I am a normal girl, with a normal childhood. Did my choice in what I did (you can guess) have to do with some complex mental issue? Is it for the money? The attention? An escape? Am I too horny? Does this mean my self esteem is too low? Do I need therapy? Do I need to share my feelings about it? I don't have very many feelings about this issue....at least, I feel numb right now about it.

 

My mind is very confused now.

 

(I am not sure if I posted this in the right section, but health of the body mind and spirit is how I wanted to take the direction of this thread)

[Capricorn3]

I think (seeing as you say you have personal experience), only you can answer all those questions in your post. No-one here can say why you did what you did. Only YOU know if you did it for the money, or the attention, or as an escape etc etc.

 

Maybe you can share your answers with us?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Most prostitutes in America have experienced sexual abuse during childhood. And most have drug problems. So, I would say say most, but not all.

[miragerie]

I think (seeing as you say you have personal experience), only you can answer all those questions in your post. No-one here can say why you did what you did. Only YOU know if you did it for the money, or the attention, or as an escape etc etc.

 

Maybe you can share your answers with us?

 

Those are precisely the answers I do not know.

 

I mean, I don't feel good for what I do. But I don't feel terrible either. And I am not sure if I'm okay with making an appointment with someone who will waste my time by asking me what I feel about it, when I don't know myself...I am just a bit numb. Going through the motions. Playing along.

[Capricorn3]

I don't know myself...I am just a bit numb. Going through the motions. Playing along.

I would say the very fact that you feel numb, are going through the motions and playing along, would tell me that yes, you need counselling of some kind. It sounds like you're blocking something out, something you don't want to face. I would also guess that low self esteem is probably high on the list too.

[nutbrownhare]

Would you be intending to stop doing what you're doing while you're in counselling? If not, don't waste your time and money on the counselling.

 

Many prostitutes have experienced child sexual abuse and/or have a personality disorder (often the result of child sexual abuse). However, it would be possible for someone with a fairly average background to get drawn into heroin use, turn to prostitution to feed the habit - and then need to carry on using to blot out the trauma of what they're doing and so on in an ever-increasing vicious cycle.

 

But to continue as a sex worker whilst seeking therapy for it would be like carrying on drinking throughout an alcoholic rehabilitation without going through detox - just a nonsense with no chance of the therapy being successful.

[OntheWire]

Even if a person got into prostitution without a background of sexual abuse or drugs, there's a strong chance that person has a certain personality type that desires instant gratification. And that's not a healthy personality type to have through life. It can lead to all sorts of other problems such as drugs, alcohol abuse, gambling, over spending, or just taking unnecessary and dangerous risks.

 

I would recommend talking to someone about why this profession attracts you over other possible professions. If you can get to the root of that, then you'll have some leverage to work on change. But, of course, that's only if you want change.

[Red Fox]

You used the phrase "what I did" in your post so I am assuming you have stopped. My view is below, but it is just a personal view and of course is not a qualified view.

 

Consider whether or not your day to day life is affected. Is there long term difficulty in doing things that most people do "normally"? I hate to use the phrase "normal" because what is normal after all, but it is the best word I can think of. If your life is hindered right now and this is not short term then I would say it would be a good idea to seek help. For example a severely depressed person may find it extremely difficult to have regular balanced meals, work, relax, remember things, sleep and so on. This is a clear sign that someone's life is affected and therefore a sign that they need help.

 

Are you happy with your life now (apart from all the things people always wish they had like more money, better job etc)? Do you feel you are coping with life and not long term unhappy? Of course everyone is sad from time to time but that doesn't mean we automatically need mental health help. Just because something has happened with you that lots of people don't do, that does not automatically mean that you are somehow more "damaged" than others. If you cope with life well and are happy (as far as we all can be) then I do not see any need for therapy.

 

Just because something has happened in the past that does not necessarily mean that is affecting the present. I know because I have had therapy and past issues in my life were discussed to the exclusion of the present. It was of no help at all to me. I had dealt with the past and it was not affecting my present. So to sum up I would say you only need to if your present life is affected and only you can answer that question.

[Capricorn3]

You used the phrase "what I did" in your post so I am assuming you have stopped..

I'm not sure if this happened in the OP's past, as she says "I mean, I don't feel good for what I do. But I don't feel terrible either" which implies it's still ongoing in the present day? Hopefully the OP can clarify this for us.

[Hermes]

Is it for the money?

 

That's usually the reason, Miragerie.

 

Hermes

[greywolf]

I think that many people get into prostitution as a last resort. I don't think it's wrong, but our society does, so I doubt any woman strives to become a prostitute someday. I don't think it always means that they have mental issues. Many woman are forced into the sex trade, and they have no way to get out of it.

[miragerie]

I would say the very fact that you feel numb, are going through the motions and playing along, would tell me that yes, you need counselling of some kind. It sounds like you're blocking something out, something you don't want to face. I would also guess that low self esteem is probably high on the list too.

 

I suppose I'm looking for a real reason to need therapy. Being numb or having some degree of low self-esteem doesn't convince me, since a lot of people do experience those at one point or another in their lives and it doesn't mean they should go into therapy just for that. Sometimes I feel like we over-medicalize our experiences in society, which may actually be less effective. I have been to some counselling sessions before, it felt like it was just speaking to a diary. Wasn't very helpful.

 

Would you be intending to stop doing what you're doing while you're in counselling? If not, don't waste your time and money on the counselling.

 

Many prostitutes have experienced child sexual abuse and/or have a personality disorder (often the result of child sexual abuse). However, it would be possible for someone with a fairly average background to get drawn into heroin use, turn to prostitution to feed the habit - and then need to carry on using to blot out the trauma of what they're doing and so on in an ever-increasing vicious cycle.

 

But to continue as a sex worker whilst seeking therapy for it would be like carrying on drinking throughout an alcoholic rehabilitation without going through detox - just a nonsense with no chance of the therapy being successful.

I do not want to keep doing what I'm doing, but I feel like I need to talk to someone about it. Not necessarily a professional therapist. More like a nonjudgmental friend (which I do not have). Nobody who knows me has any idea about what I do. I am almost the complete opposite of what you would think a person who sells sex would be. I am not into drugs or gambling either.

 

But of course it's hard to just "look for" friends like this.

 

Even if a person got into prostitution without a background of sexual abuse or drugs, there's a strong chance that person has a certain personality type that desires instant gratification. And that's not a healthy personality type to have through life. It can lead to all sorts of other problems such as drugs, alcohol abuse, gambling, over spending, or just taking unnecessary and dangerous risks.

 

I would recommend talking to someone about why this profession attracts you over other possible professions. If you can get to the root of that, then you'll have some leverage to work on change. But, of course, that's only if you want change.

 

Wise words. I cannot call it a profession because I am not a regular at it, I just do so once in a while. I have some regular "clients", who I also have a friendly relationship with and don't just meet to have sex with each time.

 

I do think it would have something to do with my personality - but can you really define a personality? You sure can by what a person does - their actions - but our actions are not all that we are.

 

You used the phrase "what I did" in your post so I am assuming you have stopped. My view is below, but it is just a personal view and of course is not a qualified view.

 

Consider whether or not your day to day life is affected. Is there long term difficulty in doing things that most people do "normally"? I hate to use the phrase "normal" because what is normal after all, but it is the best word I can think of. If your life is hindered right now and this is not short term then I would say it would be a good idea to seek help. For example a severely depressed person may find it extremely difficult to have regular balanced meals, work, relax, remember things, sleep and so on. This is a clear sign that someone's life is affected and therefore a sign that they need help.

 

Are you happy with your life now (apart from all the things people always wish they had like more money, better job etc)? Do you feel you are coping with life and not long term unhappy? Of course everyone is sad from time to time but that doesn't mean we automatically need mental health help. Just because something has happened with you that lots of people don't do, that does not automatically mean that you are somehow more "damaged" than others. If you cope with life well and are happy (as far as we all can be) then I do not see any need for therapy.

 

Just because something has happened in the past that does not necessarily mean that is affecting the present. I know because I have had therapy and past issues in my life were discussed to the exclusion of the present. It was of no help at all to me. I had dealt with the past and it was not affecting my present. So to sum up I would say you only need to if your present life is affected and only you can answer that question.

You're right, I do have trouble with daily, normal things. I take care of myself in terms of hygiene, and so on, but do lack an appetite at times and lack sleep. I also procrastinate a lot and I don't have the best relationships with people. I tend to distance myself while still yearning to be close...but, that does come with the territory of people like myself.

That's usually the reason, Miragerie.

 

Hermes

 

I don't think that's all it is for me..

 

I think that many people get into prostitution as a last resort. I don't think it's wrong, but our society does, so I doubt any woman strives to become a prostitute someday. I don't think it always means that they have mental issues. Many woman are forced into the sex trade, and they have no way to get out of it.

I think for a young student it's just tempting.

[itsallgrand]

The fact that prostitution is high risk, and often illegal (though not always) - that to me is reason enough to get some council outside oneself.

 

Any time a person is engaging in high risk activities that puts their health, safety, and mental well being at risk unnecessarily - in my non professional opinion, I believe that is reason to be on the alert and seek to make some changes.

 

Numbness and this tendency already in your posts to intellectualize something that has nothing to do with intellect (sorry) but all to do with emotion - no one basing their decision on logic alone would choose to be a prostitute, IMO, it is the same as choosing to become a drug addict.

 

The argument for therapy, on my end, isn't so much about morality at all. It's about the health of yourself - I think making a choice that is so high risk and putting oneself in such real danger, it does show there is room to improve your choices in life.

 

Those who most benefit from therapy, anyways, are those who don't necessarily desperately need it but WANT it bc they can see there is an opportunity to maximize their potential and life by doing so. IMO. It's more difficult getting help when you seriously NEED it, and harder to help those people too.

[miragerie]

Are you meaning to say that a person cannot talk about an issue like selling one's body for money in a non-emotional way?

 

What I'm concerned with is that - yes, I understand and agree that changes should be made, but - is counseling needed? Why? I've not had a bad past with rape or abuse or drugs or a messed up childhood.

[itsallgrand]

Are you meaning to say that a person cannot talk about an issue like selling one's body for money in a non-emotional way?

 

What I'm concerned with is that - yes, I understand and agree that changes should be made, but - is counseling needed? Why? I've not had a bad past with rape or abuse or drugs or a messed up childhood.

 

No, I am not saying that it can not be talked about in a non emotional way.

 

How come it is so important to you that there be an absolute need for the therapy in order for you to go get some? Isn't it enough that you may benefit from it and want it?

[miragerie]

No, I am not saying that it can not be talked about in a non emotional way.

 

How come it is so important to you that there be an absolute need for the therapy in order for you to go get some? Isn't it enough that you may benefit from it and want it?

 

For the reason that I have gone before, and it felt like I was just talking about my day and my thoughts - it felt like a diary. I don't feel that just sharing what I think or what I do helps in any way. Therapy has been very predictable and has not helped me learn anything about myself. However, I am open to reading books about this.

 

I am also sort of searching for some kind of epiphany, or some wisdom regarding this issue of selling yourself, not just general knowledge that''s readily available. And for that, I think only someone who was been in this situation would know the answer. If anyone has seen the series "The secret diary of a call girl", it's very very similar to that, but less glamorous.

[OntheWire]

For the reason that I have gone before, and it felt like I was just talking about my day and my thoughts - it felt like a diary. I don't feel that just sharing what I think or what I do helps in any way. Therapy has been very predictable and has not helped me learn anything about myself. However, I am open to reading books about this.

 

I am also sort of searching for some kind of epiphany, or some wisdom regarding this issue of selling yourself, not just general knowledge that''s readily available. And for that, I think only someone who was been in this situation would know the answer. If anyone has seen the series "The secret diary of a call girl", it's very very similar to that, but less glamorous.

 

It's very obvious from your writing that you're above average intelligence. You may be far beyond average, like Asia Carrera. One of the big dangers for an intelligent person in a profession like this is that the person is going to be able to come up with arguments that have more depth, more meaning, and stronger logic than the people trying to talk them out of the profession.

 

I'm thinking that while you may occasionally believe other people have good points, you'll easily see any flaws in their arguments and thus you won't really be able to put faith in them. You'll feel alone in your decisions because you'll know that you can argue both sides yourself better than anyone else can. So no matter who you talk to, it always comes back to an internal battle. Is that at all accurate?

[miragerie]

It's very obvious from your writing that you're above average intelligence. You may be far beyond average, like Asia Carrera. One of the big dangers for an intelligent person in a profession like this is that the person is going to be able to come up with arguments that have more depth, more meaning, and stronger logic than the people trying to talk them out of the profession.

 

I'm thinking that while you may occasionally believe other people have good points, you'll easily see any flaws in their arguments and thus you won't really be able to put faith in them. You'll feel alone in your decisions because you'll know that you can argue both sides yourself better than anyone else can. So no matter who you talk to, it always comes back to an internal battle. Is that at all accurate?

I am definitely not above average in my intelligence...I'd say it's just at average. I also do a lot of stupid things like: failing college courses. At least 8 of them.

 

The rest of your post was well articulated and does somewhat speak true to me.

 

I can say one thing though, for sure.

 

Just a little while ago I was upset at something. It wasn't such a big deal but it's regarding something I was putting a lot of work into since September. I ended up not getting the recognition (not by people outside, just my team members) I honestly truly deserve since I did 90% of the work. While I'm proud of the accomplishments, none of my team members thanked me and I felt sooo alone and heartbroken that I'd just been forgotten. It really hit me hard just a short while ago. And I noticed that the first thing I thought about was to feel better by getting with a man (or woman), so that I'd at least get something positive out of it (=money). I know it's a strange thought to correlate selling yourself to any sort of upsetting situation...but those are my knee-jerk reactions.

[GoneCrazy]

It veries from many things like pointed out in the pervious posts.

 

- sexual abuse during childhood

- the money

- drug addiction

- sex addiction

- loneliness

 

The ones that you see on the block with missing teeth are the druggies, had an awful child hood and so forth. The ones who are in the high class escort and porn stars while many of them are on drugs they do live a normal full life. Lot of them have a great education and do other jobs on the side like beining a lawyer, they turn to porn for more money or just the trill of it.

[miragerie]

It veries from many things like pointed out in the pervious posts.

 

- sexual abuse during childhood

- the money

- drug addiction

- sex addiction

- loneliness

 

The ones that you see on the block with missing teeth are the druggies, had an awful child hood and so forth. The ones who are in the high class escort and porn stars while many of them are on drugs they do live a normal full life. Lot of them have a great education and do other jobs on the side like beining a lawyer, they turn to porn for more money or just the trill of it.

 

Any more thoughts on the bolded?

[OntheWire]

No, you're intelligence is above average. It's obvious. Lots of very intelligent people fail out of college. Some of them, like Ted Kaczynski, become so disjoint from society that they start building bombs. Intelligence in no way guarantees success in life, and in fact, it can often be a hindrance. Highly intelligent people often feel isolated and alone because their thought process doesn't mesh very well with the majority. I'd say, in some ways, it can take a lot more effort for an intelligent person to have a happy life than it takes for someone closer to the average mark.

 

On your other comment, that's understandable. It's an outlet you've provided for yourself to get some level of reward when things turn to s**t in the realm where more ordinary people tread. It makes complete sense and there's nothing weird about your line of thought: "I can't make things work out or or , but when it comes to sex, at least something works in my favor every time." It's a fail safe, except it really isn't... it's just an illusion. But it's hard to see the bad ends of that kind of path. It's not as obvious as seeing the consequences of something more physical like robbing a bank. Now, you might say sex is physical, but really it's an emotional act... whether it's love, lust, depression, self-validation, escape, or control, there's always an emotional root. And that's true for every guy you're with... every one of them has some emotion driving him to seek sex with you instead of trying to find it in a healthy relationship. These guys can range from slightly dysfunctional to psychopathic. It's only a matter of numbers and probabilities before you run into the wrong one. That's the external risk.

 

There's also an internal risk. This may not really manifest itself while you're still in the lifestyle, because while you're around your familiar crowd, you have a sense of acceptance. But guilt and shame usually come knocking when you have ideas of trying to integrate back into a life of a healthy loving relationship. And that can be a hard internal battle to fight.

 

Maybe I'm off course here, but it's what came to mind. In any case, you can certainly continue in this lifestyle. It's your free will. But you should know if you ever really want to stop, you do have the power.

[Capricorn3]

I suppose I'm looking for a real reason to need therapy. Being numb or having some degree of low self-esteem doesn't convince me, since a lot of people do experience those at one point or another in their lives and it doesn't mean they should go into therapy just for that. ..

Usually when one is "numb", it means you are blocking out something which is very painful for you and something you don't wish to face. You need to figure out what it is that you are blocking out and don't want to face. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

 

I do not want to keep doing what I'm doing.

Then why do it? Can you tell us why you keep doing what you say you really do not want to do? What's in it for you? What do you get out of it?

 

When someone suggested it's the money, you said: "I don't think that's all it is for me". So, if it's not the money, it is something else. Can you tell us exactly what it is that makes you stay in something you say you don't want to keep doing?

[miragerie]

Lol I don't know about that because lots of people say I'm stupid, or an airhead. I know I'm not stupid. But I am not smart, either. Anyway, that's not the important thing. Your reasoning made a lot of sesne & you're right in the sense that intelligent people can still do some very immoral things.

 

With regards to the men, they're usually of the 3 categories: curious, attached but looking for more, or lonely/old. The curious guys are usually the younger ones who just want to get off. They're pretty innocent but it takes them a while to know what they want and they're not very direct. The attached men are married, or have gfs, but just want something a little extra (variety in women or in sexual moves). I dislike this kind because they act like nothing is wrong with their relationship. I know that most of the time, if ever a girl were to cheat, she'd be doing it because she knows something is wrong and does something to destroy it so that the realtionship's problems can be real, or so the relationship can end. Most men would just cheat and go back to their wife and pretend nothing happened. The lonely/old guys usually aren't attached but just want to be with a pretty girl so that they can pamper her. These are the easiest type but I find they usually want to be dominant, and they like to have almost an "exclusive" relationship while they spoil the girl.

 

Of course there are psychos too...that's another category I don't know much about. I ignore guys who contact me too much and seem too eager. Those are the type to stay away from.

 

With what you said about internal risk - that's probably the hardest to put into words and deal with. Even now I feel like, sure, not all men cheat, but a lot do. How can I be sure the guy I do spend my life with isn't a cheater? Guys (and some women too) can lie very well. It's not so much the act of cheating, but the dishonesty that's involved. I am very scared to be fooled. If my man tells me that he only has eyes for me and isn't attracted to other women (other than models, actresses, etc) and I loved him, I know I'd fall for it. But I also know that that's impossible and untrue. He will see some attractive women. He will find himself turned on by someone else besides me. He may not act on it, but the fact that he'd tell me he's all mine when he really isn't, makes me feel like an idiot. I think that's part of why I went after this arrangement......it's straight-forward, it gives me validation, and at least I'd know I'm worth "something". There's no way a man can lie about saying I'm attractive or that the sex was good if he's paying me for it. Even though I know I'm not WORTH just $200, it's a form of proof. Something that you can't really see in a relationship. And believe me I never go after guys I'm interested in for their money, I'm just the opposite. My outside life and my underground life are two different ways of being.

 

Am I effed up for being like this? I mean, what's the difference with me doing what I'm doing now and "your average" college girl in America being promiscuous with just as much if not more men? Money is the only factor. But if you consider a college party girl who is promiscuous is someone who is just going through a "phase"....why think of someone like me as messed up and needing therapy?

 

These are just some thoughts and questions running through my mind.

 

There are risks involved and I believe I'm not ready for them. Especially because I am not involved with an agency nor do any of my friends know, so there is no buffer or safety net. I'm not ready for the risks. I don't want to be doing this for a long time. But it is a tempting thing to be doing at this point in my life. I have the control now and can stop whenever I need to. But I feel like nobody can understand me, especially not a therapist who is looking at me from the outside and judging me based on some scientific theories or statistics.

[miragerie]

Usually when one is "numb", it means you are blocking out something which is very painful for you and something you don't wish to face. You need to figure out what it is that you are blocking out and don't want to face. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

 

I'm not sure how to dig deep down. Can you give me some of the tools? lol

 

Then why do it? Can you tell us why you keep doing what you say you really do not want to do? What's in it for you? What do you get out of it?

Money, and spending time with someone that I'm not pressured to see again. There's no drama. Not much etiquette after meeting besides a "thank you, it was a good experience, may we see each other again?".

 

I can also 99% see how good I'm making someone feel. It's apparent, and it's clear. If they're not enjoying it I can see that as well. It's not hard to say "stop" or "no" to anything, while in a relationship (boyfriend or even just friends) you have to be much more subtle..

[OntheWire]

I mean, what's the difference with me doing what I'm doing now and "your average" college girl in America being promiscuous with just as much if not more men? Money is the only factor.

 

Both are destructive paths. This doesn't mean guaranteed destruction... it's more the kind that lingers over someone that walks out into traffic without looking. They may get away with it once, twice, or a hundred times...but if they keep it up, then the numbers catch up.

 

I'll be explicit. Do I think there's anything about you that's worse than a promiscuous college girl? No. But I do think you're in a worse situation because of the social taboo. Like it or not, society dictates a certain structure. We can operate within it completely, somewhat, or not at all. On one end of the spectrum, you run the risk of being a mindless drone...on the other end, you run the risk of being perceived as a radical nutjob. So in the middle somewhere is generally an ideal place in order to have healthy mental, emotional, and spiritual growth.

 

Society is screwed up in many ways. There are a lot of illogical and hypocritical perceptions out there and none of them will go away over night. I'm sure you see a lot of them. But you should understand the futility in rebelling too much against the structure... you can't find happiness that far out on the spectrum. Even if you're speaking the truth, even if you're pointing out true hypocrisy, it doesn't matter because the collective doesn't change their minds quickly...it can take generations if it even happens at all.

 

There's an old saying... "you can be right or you can be happy." It holds a lot of truth. If you really want a happy life, I'd recommend you write a book about your experiences. You write well and it will probably sell and may even start a career for you. This is a win-win because, by becoming an author, you're abiding in some way to what society deems acceptable (don't cringe), while at the same time pressing the boundaries of people's thought process. You may even help some people along the way.

 

Do I think you need a therapist? No. I think you can figure this out on your own if you want to. That's the best advice I can give you.