Not sure what to think at this point

[morrigan]

*Sighs* Ok here is the whole situation...

 

I have contacted an ex from about four years ago because our breakup wasn't that bad and he isn't a bad person, like my other ex's. So we got to talking and catching up. It felt awesome talking to him again and we hit it off pretty well. We talked everyday, and we hung out a few times. He kept saying that I am beautiful (which he meant by the way) We would always flirt with one another, hold hands, and we even kissed. It was awesome.

 

Well, it wasn't until a few days ago where he stopped calling and texting me. He even stopped saying "good morning" and "goodnight" to me. Today I got some texts from him with some disturbing news, as everything came crashing down. He told me that his mom (who despises me by the way) read some texts between him and I and got pissed. He is overrun by his mom, he is in constant fear of listening to her and that if he doesn't listen to her, then something very bad will happen to him. That is why he can't pursue a relationship with me. He says he wants to, but can't because of that. He has to continue lying to his mom, which she will eventually find out.

 

Okay that's fine and what not, until he told me that he has a fear of commitment. I find that to be very odd because he was just in a commited relationship six months ago for a month or so. He says that he has some different views with relationships, that he likes friends with benefits and having friends with benefits with other people. He apparently wants to enjoy life and experience things. Okay, experiencing things is understandable.

 

Yes it hurts, and he never told me about this before we started seeing each other because he was afraid of losing me. At this moment we both agreed to be friends with benefits, but since I researched more into it, there will be a lot of downsides, since I do still have feelings for him.

 

As for me, I do want to also experiment, but rather be in an open relationship to do so. He also made mention of an open relationship as well, but went for friends with benefits instead. What I really want to know is how I should get him into being in an open relationship with me. There has to be a way, I can feel it, but I am not sure how to talk to him about it, or what to say. How could I get him to change his mind about the friends with benefits? Thank you.

[thinovate]

Can't change anyone's mind but your own. Nothing can come between true love. Not even a mother. It shouldn't be so difficult to be with someone. It should come naturally. Something obviously didn't die between you two, or else you wouldn't be communicating...but all people would be impulsive when it comes to what makes their heart and soul smile. It's just not worth it.

[abitbroken]

A relationship that lasts a month and a half is not a "committed relationship" at least in my mind. That is getting to know eachother or at the most is an "exclusive relationship." Honestly, I think you deserve more than a FWB. You may think that is what you want but emotions have a funny way of happening or you could get entangled with his family issues. It seems he can't even be anything more than an aquaintance to you, and if "mom" finds out about your rendezvous he will disappear or it will get more complicated. You are worth more than looking up your old boyfriend because "he wasn't as bad as other guys."

 

I was with a guy with mom issues. If she found out we made a decision she didn't like she wouldn't eat, would end up in the hospital to get her "way". We thought that love could overcome but it was just a big mess. the good times in our relationship was when we "ran away" on vacation to get away from her grip or ended up dropping off the radar for a little bit but it never lasted. In fact, I found out a situation happened when he was younger and he feels responsible for his mother's happiness and that is why he always threw me under the bus

[Ms Darcy]

Open relationships often fall apart, especially when one party does not want as much as the other party. In an open relationship, he's still responsible to you. In a fwb situation, he is not. He's not interested in being with you in a meaningful way and since you want more, I would advise that you move on.