an article for women in their 30s

[LAYAAN]

link removed

Not sure if you have already read this. I enjoyed reading this. Hope you enjoy too.

[Sparkly Eyes]

So it basically says that if you are in your thirties marry an ugly guy, what a great article.

[Zeitgeist]

So it basically says that if you are in your thirties marry an ugly guy, what a great article. I'm pretty sure that's not what the point was. A couple of years ago, there was an link removed by a woman named Lori Gottlieb that I think discusses this topic with a little more clarity, albeit with greater controversy by using the S-word - "settling". She's gone on to write a book about it which I plan to read this summer. I think she's hit on a point that's a sore topic for many women. I think it's good food for thought.

[Sparkly Eyes]

No, I'm pretty sure that's not what the point was. A couple of years ago, there was an link removed by a woman named Lori Gottlieb that I think discusses this topic with a little more clarity, albeit with greater controversy by using the S-word - "settling". She's gone on to write a book about it which I plan to read this summer. I think she's hit on a point that's a sore topic for many women. I think it's good food for thought.

 

To me it sounds like it is...keeps saying that women should drop the looks criteria and just look for stability and basically change what they think is their "type".

[Mauxly]

To me it sounds like it is...keeps saying that women should drop the looks criteria and just look for stability and basically change what they think is their "type".

 

Yeah, but you could say the same thing about men, or really everyone these days. How many times have you seen a slug of a man drop a wonderful woman because he thinks that model he's been fantasizing about is right around the corner. And that woman who cheats on her super cool man because she's sure that rock star she's blowing is going to drop his life for her.( I knew a girl who actually left her husband for Sean Penn back in the 80s, he didn't leave Madonna for her tho, go figure!) I'm just saying bloated egos and expectations abound. I call it the Costanza complex.

 

I may be guilty.

 

I don't want to settle, I can't it won't last. But maybe its time to check myself, appreciate those around me.

[LAYAAN]

So it basically says that if you are in your thirties marry an ugly guy, what a great article.

what? I didn't get that impression.

[LAYAAN]

To me it sounds like it is...keeps saying that women should drop the looks criteria and just look for stability and basically change what they think is their "type".

She doesn't say that women should do this. She is saying that as women get older, they tend to mature in their thinking and change their way of looking at men on their own.

[abitbroken]

When my sister dropped her criteria of only wanting a man of a certain height, certain looks, etc, (gasp - he's not blonde) she finally met the man of her dreams. He is very handsome, just not the exact type she had always been after, and is her height versus very tall - and the most kind man. I agree with sometimes letting the whole package come into account instead of turning up noses at a guy immediately.

[LAYAAN]

Yeah, but you could say the same thing about men, or really everyone these days. How many times have you seen a slug of a man drop a wonderful woman because he thinks that model he's been fantasizing about is right around the corner. And that woman who cheats on her super cool man because she's sure that rock star she's blowing is going to drop his life for her.( I knew a girl who actually left her husband for Sean Penn back in the 80s, he didn't leave Madonna for her tho, go figure!) I'm just saying bloated egos and expectations abound. I call it the Costanza complex.

I may be guilty.

I don't want to settle, I can't it won't last. But maybe its time to check myself, appreciate those around me.

Thats the point of this article as well.

[Sparkly Eyes]

She doesn't say that women should do this. She is saying that as women get older, they tend to mature in their thinking and change their way of looking at men on their own.

 

It particularly advises women to look for men that are not their typical type, specifically when it comes to looks.

 

I know quite a few women around me in their thirties. I don't really think they have matured to think the way they do, they are so obviously incredibly desperate to get married that they are willing to look past appearance and maybe even more.

[newwave]

This article reminds me of something I just read, that there are more single woman than single men late 30's-early 40's. Everything I've read states this. I was lurking at online sites and many decent looking guys (I'm sure some are con artists, liars, married etc). Even friends of mine have told me that women can pretty much pick and choose at singles groups. This comforts me because I sometimes feel I'll never meet the right guy (thought I did but that's another story). I have definitely lowered my standards. Where I used to want a hot, wealthy guy with a list of unreasonable standards, I now have these: never married, no kids, and not obese.

[Zeitgeist]

When my sister dropped her criteria of only wanting a man of a certain height, certain looks, etc, (gasp - he's not blonde) she finally met the man of her dreams. He is very handsome, just not the exact type she had always been after, and is her height versus very tall - and the most kind man. I agree with sometimes letting the whole package come into account instead of turning up noses at a guy immediately.

worriedgirl - this is what the article (as well as the one I linked to) is talking about. I think that many women spend a lot of their 20's with a LOT of choices for men. All that choice raises the level of expectations to an unattainable level and it gets women into the mindset that things will *always* be like this, thus, they never have to "settle". Of course, what many of them fail to ever realize is that settling isn't really settling at all. It's about looking for criteria that are much more important than *just* looks and flashiness, because over the course of your life, you come to see that some things like consistency, kindness, and reliability are much more important. And the irony is that these are traits that can simply be seen from the outside, nor can you tell from just a few dates whether they're there or not.

 

Also, there aren't just hot and ugly guys in life, right? I'd think you would agree that *some* guys are in between. Shocking, I know. So if a guy is 7, instead of a 9 in the looks category, perhaps you ought to still give him a chance if he's good in other important categories that won't change over his and your lifetime. Your post suggests that if you don't think a guy is drop dead gorgeous then he must be ugly as * * * * . I'd hope you don't really think that.

[Sparkly Eyes]

 

Also, there aren't just hot and ugly guys in life, right? I'd think you would agree that *some* guys are in between. Shocking, I know. So if a guy is 7, instead of a 9 in the looks category, perhaps you ought to still give him a chance if he's good in other important categories that won't change over his and your lifetime. Your post suggests that if you don't think a guy is drop dead gorgeous then he must be ugly as * * * * . I'd hope you don't really think that.

 

No, this is not what I meant. I'm not looking for a drop dead gorgeous guy and I doubt most of those women she mentioned did either. But we all have some criteria when it comes to looks, don't we? And it's not necessarily wrong. after all, we are going to have sex with these guys and possibly have children with them,so I think it's ok to care about their looks. It seemed to me like the article was asking women to stop caring about looks and just look for what is on the inside so that they can find a man. We all know it's easier to find a less attractive man or woman who wants to settle. It didn't give us any new information.

[newwave]

No, this is not what I meant. I'm not looking for a drop dead gorgeous guy and I doubt most of those women she mentioned did either. But we all have some criteria when it comes to looks, don't we? And it's not necessarily wrong. after all, we are going to have sex with these guys and possibly have children with them,so I think it's ok to care about their looks. It seemed to me like the article was asking women to stop caring about looks and just look for what is on the inside so that they can find a man. We all know it's easier to find a less attractive man or woman who wants to settle. It didn't give us any new information.

 

The last guy I wanted was what most would called ugly. Honestly, looks don't matter to me in most respects. I will admit though that certain types of looks don't appeal to me, mostly the macho sports types. I can only imagine marrying one of those guys if that was all I could find.

[Pirouette]

I didn't find this article to be particularly informative or encouraging. Same old drivel thrown at us older women. I'll pass.