very_confused Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Okay, so here's my situation! Me and this guy met about 10 years ago, in college. We became inseparable, we knew everything about each other, likes, dislikes, moods, etc. We were both deeply in love with each other, but neither of us had the guts to come out and talk about it. We joked about it playfully (religion was the reason it was never seriously pursued) but we still remained best friends and those feelings continued to grow. I got pressured into an arranged marriage, it ended within a year. By this time, he was engaged (also arranged). I told him when it was over and he again 'jokingly' said we should be together and he didn't care about the engagement. I laughed it off. Then days before his wedding we were talking and he told me how he wishes he wasn't feeling so pressured to go through with the wedding and how he wishes things could be different. I didn't say anything then, but I was broken inside. I wanted him to leave her and to tell me openly that he wanted us to be together. Neither of us had the courage to do it or say anything. Even going through with the marriage, and after the fact, I knew he wasn't happy. He was just 'dealing with it'. (We talked every day even after he got married for over a year..) She could tell there was a much deeper connection between him and I and she pushed him to cut off contact with me. Eventually he did. He's been married for a couple of years now. He will still contacts me to wish me happy birthday, without her knowing of course. I ignored the feelings initially. I tried meeting guys, and every guy I met, there was something different with each one that I didn't like. Until I sat down and seriously started reflecting on what it was that I was looking for. And I realized I was trying to find him, heck, I even dated a guy who looked like him.. I realized after that what drew me to that guy was who he reminded me of. Anyway, the way I feel about him is too deep and too strong. And for many years I know he felt the same way. I haven't moved past it, in my heart, I've always been waiting for him to tell me that it didn't work and he wants to be with me. That hasn't happened. (He never had the guts to break off the engagement, breaking off a marriage would be so much harder). I can't move on. I want to finally get it all off my chest and tell him that I'm still in love with him (Even though we never said it openly) and that the connection I felt with him is deeper and stronger than anything I've ever felt with anyone and I know he felt it too. And hope that either his relationship is either ended by now or we can give it another shot, or that atleast I will get closure and can move on knowing I gave it all I've got and that he's in a different place now. This is taking a lot of courage out of me to do, but I feel like if I'm not being honest with myself, I've got one life to live, I can't go on with regrets of not knowing. (It would kill me to end up married again, maybe feel like I'm settling, and then hear from him later that he's divorced) Thoughts?! Am I crazy?!! Link to comment
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