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Not sure what to do now....


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Hi everyone, I was hoping that someone might understand or relate to my situation.


I met my ex in Jan 2007. By May 2007 she was pregnant. She had 3 kids prior to this and I had one with another relationship. I was quite a drinker back then (since been sober) and our relationship was difficult at times, at other times it was absolute magic. We broke up/got back together quite a few time, push/pull...she had an anxiety disorder, I was a control freak. I used leverage on her to get my way, etc (like all control freaks do). Back in Feb this year she ended it once and for all. We had a date in March and we were intimate, but since then she has put a total stop on her and I. I started going to therapy recently and I quit drinking the day she dumped me in February. Since we share a child we do have to see each other, so on Sunday when she picked up our son, we sat down and I told her about my therapy. How I realize being a controller is not good; she agreed and had researched controlling people and said I was a text book case. I agreed. We had a really nice conversation. After she left I said Well, I will see you in two weeks when I pick up our son, she said that we'll probably talk before that, I said I dunno, I need to let go of you. Since then, the last 2 1/2 days, she has texted me a zillion times, which I respond to, she is acting like nothing ever happened! Its confusing to me!


I can only assume that either she is happy knowing I am letting go and this would free her from any guilt of dumping me and letting her find another but keeping me as a friend OR she see's that I have turned a corner and she likes what she see's and maybe wants to see where this all goes. Its really confusing. I love her so much and being away from her is hurting incredibly. I want to get back together with her and marry her one day.


Any thoughts?

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You two should take things slow. It's good you're doing this for yourself and I'm sure you realize this but it will take time for you to be less controlling and work things out with her in a long run. As far as her texting you she probably does see the change and hoping for a good outcome.

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I could have written your post from your gf's point of view. I left my ex and took our son with me due to his drinking. I still love him. I still want him and if he were to go to therapy and get sober and stay sober, you wouldnt be able to pry me off of him. I'd marry him in a heartbeat and never look back as long as he stayed sober. So, from my point of view, she really likes what she sees in you and how far you've come. DONT BLOW IT! Dont go back to drinking. Dont go back to trying to control her. Continue your therapy, work on yourself and keep talking to her. I bet she loves you, but just couldnt take the situation that she was in (like me). Good for you to realize what is wrong and actually work to fix it.

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I think you need to keep communicating with her to tell her how you feel.


And if you're serious about marriage etc., perhaps you could suggest you attend couples counseling together to talk about your issues and whether you could find a way to resolve them so that you could get back together. But you do need to really continue to work on yourself and staying sober, as without that you will have nothing and any promises you make are meaningless to her.


So you might try to spend a little time with her and start talking about this, but taking it slow. She has to believe that you are changing because YOU want to be a different person, not just because you want her back and as soon as you move in that direction you'll go back to drinking and your old ways.

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Well, I think I messed things up. Thank you all for your responses, they were really helpful. All was going good until 930 last night. Someone had taken a nice pic of me which I sent her. She aid WOW! Great pic! And then I joked that it will be my pic for a dating site. Things went VERY quiet after that. 20 minutes later I got a "good night" text, then 30 mins later an apology email saying that her behaviour was silly, that whatever I do with my picture is my business.


I reponded this morning saying to her to not apologize, I know who and what I want in my life! There are no worries!


....and now I havent heard anything from her. The last 4 days has been text and talk, talk and text, no nothing. I dont think I did anything wrong! But it appears, from her sudden silence, I did.


Any help? I really do appreciate it.

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OK, what do you want? If you want her back in your life again, telling her you're using a photo on a dating website isn't the way to do it... if she's interested in getting back together with you and feeling vulnerable, you've basically sent a message that you are out looking for other women rather than her...


Try not to do most of your communication via text.. call her and talk to her and tell her you were kidding...

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