She says she needs SPACE...

[okane24]

So my girlfriend of 5 months just told me she needs some space.

 

Not much, but it's Tuesday and she wants to wait until Sunday to see me.

 

So about 5 days... but for me, its an Eternity. Especially since shes leaving back to her home country, Korea in 3-4 months.

 

Every minute I spend with her is preicous.

 

It just feels like a dagger in my heart that she can push me to the side like that.

 

She also wants to cut down the time we see eachother from now, its like 3-4 times a week, down to just 2 times a week.

 

I'm totally Flabbergasted!

 

I don't think its over because she kept telling me she loves me and just wants to get a fresh start again. But for me, I'm a mess. I love her sooo much and love spending time with her. For her to put me off like this, it just kills me.

 

So I'm stuck in a crappy position. I LOVE HER, but if I insist on seeing her more, she'll pull away. And if I comply (which I did) I still don't get to see her.

 

Any thoughts. Thanks!

[hexaemeron]

Dude, again, you really are coming accross really... creepy here. It really seems like you want to put this beautiful girl into a little gilded cage in your place and have her there for you forever and ever and ever.

 

You need to snap out of it. The reason she wants space is because your obsession with her is likely freaking her out.

[misssmithviii]

She very well could be having a hard time accepting she's moving so far away rather soon and if that is case then she might be needing to remind herself she can live without seeing you so often, perhaps as a way to ease into it idk for sure.

 

That's just my insight, I think you should tell her how you feel.

[UserLain]

I'd say tell her how you feel, like misssmithviii said, but if she still wants the amount of space that she wants and how you feel doesnt change that than you need leave that topic alone from then on and start working on learning how to cope with it. This seems really hard for you so im not sure what advice to give on that. But I'm sure someone will have some.

[In the Dark]

It's a stupid psychological thing for you and her.

I agree with you that it is stupid, she has the master plan of see less of you since she is leaving.

 

Illogical and irrational.

 

But some people just don't want to see things black and white.

 

She wants to do this to see if she either ends up missing you, you end up giving up on her, she maybe attempting to ween herself off you or she ends up realizing she doesn't care that much about you at all.

 

The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

Distancing makes the others heart grow needier.

 

Either way this is the stupid little game she wants to play, so do it.

Brace yourself for the possibilities you maybe facing, but give her that space.

[rvision]

I'd back off here man, I have been in a very similar situation recently and she sounds as though she is feeling claustrophobic and its got to serious.

 

She is just trying to cool it off a bit and obviously cares enough to express this to you. My X gave me these warning signs and I failed to heed them which ultimately ended our R'ship. I know its hard but if you don't back down you will loose her. Trust me I did.

 

Its the age old:

 

'You only loose something you cling to' and 'Love is like a bird, If u hold it tightly, it dies, if u hold it lightly, it will fly'

 

RELAX before its to late.

[okane24]

The very fact that she is leaving is making me hold on tighter. I want to see her all the time. I feel that the clock is ticking on us.

 

I told her one day, when shes gone, I won't be able to drive 15 minutes to be able to see her. She'll be in f-in Korea! So why the heck is she putting this distance between us now?

 

I extremely Hurt that the only thing we have together is Time and she is taking that away from us.

 

I have so many fun and cool plans and things we can do together.

 

I have tons of fun with her. We laugh, we joke, she teaches me Korean, I help her with her English. We have amazing sex. And it feels like shes taking all that away...

 

I know its just a few days, but seems like forever to me.

 

We talked all day yesterday and nothing seemed to change.

 

She says its been Too much for her and I am used to girlfriends spending More time as we get closer. I have had girlfriends live with me before and its gone well. Its like we're at polar opposite ends.

 

I don't know. I'm just having a real hard time with her decision. She says shes going to call me everyday and we'll talk, blah blah blah, but I can't SEE her?? She wants to wait til Sunday to miss me more??

 

She says she wants it to be like when we first met, how she had butterflies... And now, its getting to be more monotonous and she wants that feeling back.

 

I also feel that her stupid single not-so-attractive friends influence her. They use her to help them get better looking guys when they go out on "girls night". Shes definitely the hottest one of the group and when they go out on girls night, it ends up being her single friends trying to hook up and meet guys at clubs because they are desperate.

 

Just last Saturday her roommate started dancing with some guy she liked at a club, and Literally Pushed my girlfriend into dancing with his friend, to be a wing woman. My girlfriend told me she wasn't cool with that and backed off and left for the restroom.

 

Anyhow, I'm just babbling...

 

All I can do now, is what she wants, because if I push her anymore, it will just get worse. I plan on staying away completely. I won't call her at all. I'm not going to text her unless she asks me a direct question.

 

I Hate this stupid little game she is playing so I'll play right back.

 

It just sucks because I spend so much time thinking about what I can do for her to make her happy, plan things ahead of time, organize plans so we can have fun... Now, I don't feel like doing $^it for her. Why am I going to put in all this effort and she doesn't even want to see me.

 

It feels so empty...

 

Anyways, thanks for listening. Anyone whose been in this position, please let me know that it can get better. If I give her the space she wants and leave her alone, that she'll realize she wants to spend more time with me...

[In the Dark]

She says she wants it to be like when we first met, how she had butterflies... And now, its getting to be more monotonous and she wants that feeling back.

 

Thought so.

Personally this is an immature thing for anyone to do.

 

The thing is and have always noticed.

 

Once someone gets those initial "butterfly" feelings back again, they disappear quicker than the first time it happens.

 

Just like a good movie for example.

Watch it the first time and it's great, the second time not so much, then it just loses it's appeal.

Then later on after a while you remember it again and you enjoy it again.

But you never really enjoy it as much as the first time.

 

My advice

Keep minimal contact which means only text her when she texts you.

Be a little distant in your conversations.

Don't be all "Miss you!! blah blah blah..."

Take up something and make it more of a priority than her.

Don't get paranoid delusions.

 

The ball is in her court as she's the one wanting the whole, "Like when we first met feel".

[okane24]

Thanks In the Dark...

 

Thats what I'm going to do. Minimal contact. The thing is, I have a good business where I can meet attractive young girls all the time and I've been neglecting it for her.

 

Also, I am concerned for myself that because she is pushing me away, it forces me to think about other girls and my mind strays and theres a 1% possibly I might cheat on her.

 

I've got girls that want to hang out, but I've stayed away from them on purpose.

 

I am a guy and if the temptation is too strong, why should I be with a girl who doesn't want to be with me.

 

She is Hurting me right now, so its almost like revenge...

 

But... thats the LAST thing I want to do. I really love her a lot.

 

Aaargh!!! What could I have done to prevent this? How about going forward? See her less? Spend less time with her?

 

If she can force US to take this break now, it can happen again.

 

This is soo stupid... (just venting)

[im_the_undead]

my boyfriend does this to me!

i love HIM, but i would like some ME time every now and then..

he doesn't comply however the way you do...

he feels offended. but you guys shouldn't feel offended, you should enjoy some time apart from the girl you love so when you see her again it's a refreshing sight and you can enjoy more time together!

 

dude, seriously.. if you see someone EVERY SINGLE DAY, eventually someone will be driven crazy. so just relax

 

you don't want her to feel suffocated

 

 

& I FEEL LIKE YOUR GF, with the whole..once had butterflies/monotonous thing..

if all goes well for you guys, let me know how the problem was solved! i'm dying to figure something out for my relationship as well o.o

[okane24]

Hey Undead and everyone else...

 

I'm not looking to See her Every Single Day...

 

Just when we talked yesterday, Tuesday, she was like, ok, lets hang out All day on Sunday. She said she would prefer to spend all day with me on Sunday versus bits and pieces every other day.

 

I feel the contrary, when I see her every two or three days, I feel connected and apart of her life. If we eat lunch or I just see her for a few hours every day or so, I'm cool with that! If I don't see her until 5 days later, what is that? I'm not travelling anywhere, I'm 15 minutes away, and we can't see each other, even for a little bit?

 

It just hurts because it feels like shes cutting me out of her day to day life.

 

She said she would call and text me every day though, and thats important in our relationship, but to me, SEEING her is the Most important.

 

As I'm writing this, she just texted me good morning and have a good day. It makes me smile, but at the same time it hurts that, thats all shes willing to do at the moment.

 

I feel like I'm being punished for loving her too much and wanting to share new experiences with her...

 

But (undead) yeah, I'll definitely let you know how it goes. As far as my advice to you, being the guy on the other side. Its OK to have your ME time.

 

Just make it Overwhelmingly clear that you love him, like you say you do. Drop by his house unexpectedly one day and give him a huge kiss and spend 15-20 minutes with him, then go about your day. Leave a note on his car telling you love him.

 

Do something/go out of your way to let him know you love him. Trust me, he'll appreciate it. If he thinks your "ME" time is spent possibly meeting other guys or something, then he'll go crazy. Or plan a short romantic trip somewhere for an all day Saturday - Sunday day time. Thats good quality time.

 

Good luck. I hope this works for me and my girl....

 

I wish the opposite were true and she said, babe, since I love you more, I'm enjoying all our time together. Lets find out new things to do together, versus her asking for space...

 

oh well, we'll see

[mmmd]

you're not looking here for advice, because you just ignore it anyway.

 

you're setting yourself up for massive, massive, massive heartbreak. there is absolutely NO WAY this ends well for you.

 

she doesn't like you that much. if she did, she'd want to be with you. fact.

[havefaith]

you're not looking here for advice, because you just ignore it anyway.

 

you're setting yourself up for massive, massive, massive heartbreak. there is absolutely NO WAY this ends well for you.

 

she doesn't like you that much. if she did, she'd want to be with you. fact.

 

This, I'm afraid, is the truth. If I were you, I would be guarding my heart. I think she is losing interest and you two are growing apart. I've been where you are, you may be in for a giant lesson.

[UserLain]

 

Just make it Overwhelmingly clear that you love him, like you say you do. Drop by his house unexpectedly one day and give him a huge kiss and spend 15-20 minutes with him, then go about your day. Leave a note on his car telling you love him.

 

NO. I mean, I hope YOU don't do these things. Things like this, usually are a reason someone will say "I need more space". IF you've done them, I'm not assuming you have, I gaurantee that's why she wants it.

[rvision]

In the dark is right.

 

But seriously back off and don’t play games as your not being true to you or her.

 

It sounds to me like you have lost your own life in the R'ship and are caring about her more than you are yourself.

 

You sound very obsessive and anxious about the R'ship so I would start working on yourself and look inwards rather than at her actions.

 

If you push her anymore it’s only going to make things worse and your loose her and end up joining the yellow brick road of breakups.