miss meh Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Mine really looked to be a GIGS breakup that occurred COMPLETELY out of the blue about 2.5 months ago where the ex swore up and down that he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone and he just wanted to sleep around for a while. When we broke up, he was insistant that there was no one else, and I did actually believe him. I hadn't even been harboring hopes that he was coming back, at least any time soon (months down the line, if EVER). I had come to terms with that, or at least I thought I had, so much so that the thought of him * * * * ing random girls didn't even really bother me. I was doing really really well, and felt like I was 95% healed. I even thought maybe we were actually on the road to maybe someday being friends again. EVERYTHING he has done since the breakup has had just reinforced what he said, and no matter how hard I tried he wouldn't let me go. He breaks NC constantly and hasn't ever gone more than 9 days without having a normal-non checking up non-keeping me on a string conversation with him. He doesn'tpull disappearing acts after these convos either. He gets UPSET (sad upset, not angry upset) when he hasn't been in contact with me for a while. He acts like he really cares, he worries about me, he gives me advice and offers to do nice things for me, and he still hasn't let me go, and he freaking arranged to meet for a one-on-one hangout with me TWO DAYS ago during which he was super friendly and greeted me with a hug and showed me around his new place even, and the whole damn thing went really really well. He has never EVER run hot and cold with me since the breakup, and at the end of the meetup he told me to not be such a stranger, and sounded really genuinely sad that I wasn't even around much anymore. And now I feel like I'm right back to square one of the breakup. He sent me a text tonight that was clearly meant for someone else. I wasn't delusional, and I knew full well that were going to be other girls, and sooner probably rather than later, but the content of the text message just doesn't scream booty call, at least in so much as it involved a pet name. And so I feel really lied to, not only about the 'reasons' for the breakup because now I'm in the spiral of wondering if he's been lying to me the whole time about whether there were other girls and things during the end of relationship, but also because he was obviously trying to keep this from me. I feel so USED right now, I feellike he used me while he was dating me and he used me after he broke up with me. Why the hell has he made such a genuine, non-stringing along effort to keep me in his life? I'm so angry right now that he would 'try to be friends' with me and KEEP this from me, instead of being honest. The person I thought I know NEVER would have done that, and he never EVER lied to me before. Hell the person I thought I knew would never ever have met up with an ex while he was seeing someone else and was really uncomfortable with the idea of even being friends with exes. He was really genuinely upset the one time I met up with an ex of mine to sort through some (non-relationship) stuff while we were dating. I'm so utterly devastated that I could have been so utterly wrong about him. The worst part is, he followed up the first text up immediately with "and it doesn't really get more awkward than that" and then * * * * ing asked me questions about my life and how my day was going?? While he's on his way to go freaking meet some other girl. I still love him and I want what's best for him and if this girl makes him happy then I really genuinely wish him all the happiness in the world with her. But I'm in so much pain right now that I don't even know what to do. I think it actually hurts worse than the day he broke up with me. I know I have to go total NC now. I don't want to interfere in his new relationship at all, and I certainly don't want to be the emotional sponge that he uses to make this thing work-- as much as I care about him it's not fair to me for him to get all the benefits of a relationship from someone else but with the emotional connection he seems to be trying to maintain with me. And it's certainly not fair to whomever this girl is. When he broke up with me he said I was his best friend and that no one knew him better and I feel like such a fool for buying it, but he WAS my best friend and miss that so freaking much right now and have for the entire time of the breakup, even tho I've been trying really really hard to keepmy distance. I know I can't give him ANYTHING anymore, but I have no idea how to proceed from here. I'm going complete radio silence for now, but he IS going to track me down and try to talk to me and I have no idea what to say to him when he does. He WILL contact me soon, I am 100% certain of that. I don't have any clue what to say to him. We're NOT in a relationship and so I don't feel like I even have any right right to be angry at him or hurt by this but I feel so betrayed by the fact that he wasn't honest with me. Not by the fact that there's another girl, but because he's been lying to me for however long he has. Please help, I really don't know what to do. Link to comment
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