Girlfriend thinks I shouldn't masturbate

[tigrLily]

I am a woman in a committed relationship with another woman. We've been together for 5 years now, now in our early 40's. Everything started out pretty hot - we had sex frequently, I was on top of the world. Since we got a house, things have really tapered down - hardly any sex at all. I have a sex drive, have taken to exploring my sexuality on my own. When my girlfriend finds evidence that I have masturbated, she makes me feel shame. She doesn't think it's 'natural', that I must be lacking in something in my life to feel like I need to do 'that'. Despite her shameful remarks, I do it anyway. It makes me feel good, makes me feel human. I do it when she is not home. I get nothing from her, physically. I think she feels unattractive, overweight. I would love to have some affection from her, and I tell her this. Still, a touch is very rare. I praise the heck out of it when I do get so much as a caress. Men masturbate, several times a week, right? Am I completely off my rocker here to start believing my girlfriend that I am a freak of nature/need help? I am to the point of looking outside of my relationship for the physical desires that I have. Please help. I love my girlfriend, but I don't know where to go from here. She loves it when I caress her and massage her muscles, but as soon as I try to get anywhere sexual I get nothing

[regular joe]

It's only wrong if it taking over the relationship. In other words if she was offering you sex and you would rather masturbate. She has to understand you have needs and you are self gratifying rather than look elsewhere. You have explained the issue and she refuses to face it.

[DN]

You are doing nothing wrong - but your girlfriend is being very selfish.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Does she make you feel ashamed of yourself in other areas as well? How good is your relationship? Perhaps you need to leave some information lying around the place for her to read regarding masturbation and how it is normal, not disgraceful.

[greywolf]

It is normal to masturbate in a relationship even when the sex life is going well.

[RedDress]

Agreed.

 

Masturbation = normal.

Jealousy (or something) over masturbation = not normal.

 

Put the question back on her! If she doesn't want to satisfy your needs on demand, and you are not allowed to masturbate, what are you to do with your needs? Just hold on to them or something? She's not even making any sense.

[tigrLily]

Thank you, folks. I am tearing up already, at the responses. Just a couple more things to note: She told me it's 'okay' as it doesn't seem to be harming anyone - makes me feel like some kind of a monster. Then, she told me I wouldn't stop, even if she wanted me to. Well, yeah, I sort of feel like this is ok to do, given my one life. She wonders if perhaps everyone else is doing it and she is just a prude. Well, that's a thought. I'm not trying to be mean, really just trying to find common ground. She thinks it's just a 'release', that I could do in some more 'socially-acceptable' way?

[greywolf]

Thank you, folks. I am tearing up already, at the responses. Just a couple more things to note: She told me it's 'okay' as it doesn't seem to be harming anyone - makes me feel like some kind of a monster. Then, she told me I wouldn't stop, even if she wanted me to. Well, yeah, I sort of feel like this is ok to do, given my one life. She wonders if perhaps everyone else is doing it and she is just a prude. Well, that's a thought. I'm not trying to be mean, really just trying to find common ground. She thinks it's just a 'release', that I could do in some more 'socially-acceptable' way?

 

You're in a same-sex relationship and she wants you to act in a more socially acceptable way? Tell her that you're going to go look for a boyfriend.

[Keyman]

She thinks it's just a 'release', that I could do in some more 'socially-acceptable' way?

 

You could do it in more of a socially acceptable way?? I see three options here, 1) don't do it, 2) do it yourself and 3) get someone else to do it.

 

To me, if you desire relief, the MOST socially acceptable way is to do it yourself. You aint harming anyone, not going outside the relationship etc etc and are gaining the relief you desire. If she isn't willing to participate, she should not be able to stop you.

[norsewoman]

Have you actually had a conversation with her concerning your lack of satisfaction with your sex life? It sounds like the two of you are candidates for couple's counseling. I don't think I could handle being in a platonic relationship with my spouse. Good luck...

[OptomisticGirl]

That would be like a woman telling a man not to masturbate even when the sex is good... it just doesn't happen.

 

What you are doing is normal and healthy.

[KG]

It's perfectly normal. If she doesn't want it tho, what are your prospects for a sexless relationship?

 

She sounds like she has low self esteem.

[Baily]

It's just another way she wants to control you....

 

don't buy into it....ugh the things some people will do to 'own' you....it's sick

 

I'm NOT BEING mean....many people when in a relationship want to change and work to control their partner....and sadly some people go along with it.

 

Stand up and tell them...No! This is my body I'll do with it as I please....that or start taking commands.....

 

if you think the demands are going to stop at this....WRONG!

 

 

Mod's don't delete this because I'm not being PC....there ARE many relationships where this aspect of control come in and my post is on point.

[Kaytie]

It's just another way she wants to control you....

 

don't buy into it....ugh the things some women will do to 'own' you....it's sick

 

I'm NOT BEING mean....many women when in a relationship want to change and work to control their man....and sadly some guys go along with it.

 

Stand up and tell her...No! This is my body I'll do with it as I please....that or put on a dress and start taking commands.....

 

if you think her demands are going to stop at this....WRONG!

 

 

Mod's don't delete this because I'm not being PC....there ARE many relationships where this aspect of control come in and my post is on point.

 

Did you even read the first post? The OP is not a guy.

 

 

OP - there is nothing wrong at all with masterbation. I think you both need to address the lack of sex in the relationship. That's a red flag and needs to be dealt with.

[Cognitive_Canine]

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. As long as you rather have sex with your partner than masturbate, I see no red flags.

 

I think you really need to sit down with your partner and address your very unsatisfactory sex life. She's not giving it to you and now she's angry that you've decided to just do it yourself. It's not natural to deny yourself sexual release like this.