I'm getting overwhelmed! Advice please..

[JessieGirl]

Okay...if anyone could give me some advice, it would be so appreciated

 

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now...and this issue didn't start until around 6 months when we started getting really comfortable with each other..but since then, I have REALLY started to feel overwhelmed.

 

There's a few things..

 

The first thing is that he is OVERLY horny ALL of the time, and he makes it a point to tell me so.

 

He'll tell me things like "mm I have such a raging boner for you right now." Or he will frame his hands around his..package..and say something like "mm look at that." To be honest, it really grosses me out..and doesn't get me in the mood for anything what so ever. I don't want to know about your "raging" boner.

 

Another thing is that he is wayyy to touchy. I mean I'll sit on the couch with him while watching tv or something, and he will wrap his arms around me and just lay all over me to where I can't even move really. Why can't we sit like normal people!? On top of that he will constantly be rubbing on me..my legs..my arms..my head..my chest..anything he can touch, he will rub. I just want to scream, STOP TOUCHING ME FOR A FREAKING SECOND!! And I see him staring at me..constantly..it's seriously creepy..he just stares..and smiles..Even after I'm like, "what are you doing??" he will just laugh and continue to stare... * * * ?? It's weird!

 

And if I were to get up from the couch, he'll pull my pants down..or randomly slip his hands under my shirt to grab my boobs...sometimes he just tries to take my shirt completely off, but I stop him. It's extremely annoying..this is not romantic or even close to a turn on for me..

 

Not to mention, he always references things to sex! Anything I say he will have something sexual to say about it....he constantly makes sexual innuendos..about me or my body..or anything in general. It's getting old! We can barely have a normal conversation without him referencing something sexual!

 

And things other than sex...like before I mentioned the weird staring thing, and this is going to sound weird coming from a girl..but he compliments me WAY to much for it to mean anything. It's like every five minutes he looks at me and says..damn you're so pretty..so beautiful..so sexy..amazing..your eyes are mesmerizing..your skin is so soft...etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments and think it's very sweet when a boyfriend lets you know how he feels...but if you say it over and over again within a 5 minute period, it doesn't mean much after the 10th time in the same night. To be honest, it REALLY gets on my nerves.

 

I'm just starting to feel smothered...he's way to clingy, along with the other things I've listed.

I've told him before that him being so sexual all the time turns me off..But he'll say things like "well you can't look that good and blame me for it." Or something along those lines...he just laughs it off...And he doesn't STOP DOING IT!

 

I've also told him that I love his compliments, but it doesn't mean anything to me if he constantly says it over and over again and that it gets really annoying...he usually gets offended, but the next day he goes right back to doing it.

 

What can I do to get through to him?? Any advice please?? I'm close to just breaking it off...I'm starting to not even become attracted to him...lately he just very easily gets on my nerves...some help please? Thanks guys.

[minou]

Sounds like the 2 of you really have different libidinal levels and would be better off with other people.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you need to write him a letter expressing how you feel and tell him that you need a day or two to think about what you want in the relationship. Then come together and talk.

 

It sounds like the verbal approach isn't working so this is another option. If he really loves you and he realizes he could lose you, he might rethink his actions a bit.

[minou]

Great advice Ms. Darcy.

[JessieGirl]

Sounds like the 2 of you really have different libidinal levels and would be better off with other people.

 

lol even if we were on the same libidinal levels...how in any way is that attractive and alluring? (the way he talks about it)

 

I don't want to know you constantly walk around with a boner while around me.

I don't want him CONSTANTLY touching me..ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

Compliments 24/7 lose their meaning after the 50th time..like I said..

etc.

 

I mean..is this wrong of me to think like that?

I'm just not attracted to men that are constantly sexual ALL THE TIME!

I've had many boyfriends, and I've never had this problem.

With past boyfriends, we've had a good physical relationship..

Because they weren't so overbearing about it!

 

I find I am more attracted to my boyfriend when were not alone...

Because when were not alone and out with friends or something..

He acts like a normal human being.

He's not so touchy feely..he's not constantly horny..and he actually has intellectual conversations with me without bringing up some kind of sex topic.

 

Ya know? I just want him to be mature about things...

[Convict7]

As far as the "raging boner" comments. I don't think I've ever said those words out loud and would certainly feel goofy if I did. Tell him the word "Boner" is not sexy or cool or anything anyone over 12 should be saying. You could mention that the compliments are nice, but you would appreciate it if she showed you how much he likes you by enjoying your intellect and not commenting on your body 24/7.

 

The touchy, clingy, always looking at you thing; I am guilty of doing that to my SO. She either enjoys all the attention, or has a very high tolerance for my annoying touching. If she told me to calm it down I would work on it. But you already told him to cool it and he hasn't been able to or doesn't take your request seriously.

 

Does he expect the unprompted touching to lead to sex, or does he just do it for the fun of touching you in inappropriate places? If you really hate it as you say, and he expects it to lead to sex, stop letting it lead to sex. If you no longer allow those types of touching to become sex then he will get the idea that you are serious very quickly. If he does it for no purpose but solely to do it then it will be a little more tricky. I say you tell him calmly one more time that you don't like the constant sexual touching. The next time he does it, get mad. Now he is ignoring your limit and knowingly touching you without your consent. No, it's not assault or anything but he is going over your limit intentionally. Why not let it out and go ballistic on him? Maybe it will show him you are serious, but at least it will let out some tension.

[Lisa Brookes Kift]

It sounds like you feel as though he's pushing past your boundaries in a way that he thinks is fun and sexy - but you clearly don't. Tell him how it makes you feel when he acts this way. Let him know in a way that isn't critical to get the best response.

 

For example, "I feel really disrespected when you alway refer to your 'raging boner' - or just pull down my pants without asking me."

 

Perhaps he just doesn't get it and is inexperienced with the subtle ways of intimacy and sexuality. If you don't say anything you will be more and more irritated by him. Give him the benefit of the doubt to correct his behavior - and if he doesn't...then you have a choice to make.

[JessieGirl]

No the overly touching thing has never led to sex...

Usually like I said, I'm most turned on by him when he's being mature and not acting crazy..like trying to pull my shirt off..or pull my pants down..etc.

The times when he acts like a 22 year old man should, are the times we get intimate.

 

I clearly get annoyed with him when he does all these things..I'll kindly ask him to stop..I'll roll my eyes..or I'll just flat out tell him to tone it down..but as I said..he either gets offended and stops for a while, and starts back up immediately the next day..or he just laughs it off and continues to do it.

 

Thank you for your advice..

I guess I'm just gonna have to be a little more tough on him if I want to save the relationship..or as you say..go ballistic..lol

[JessieGirl]

It sounds like you feel as though he's pushing past your boundaries in a way that he thinks is fun and sexy - but you clearly don't. Tell him how it makes you feel when he acts this way. Let him know in a way that isn't critical to get the best response.

 

For example, "I feel really disrespected when you alway refer to your 'raging boner' - or just pull down my pants without asking me."

 

Perhaps he just doesn't get it and is inexperienced with the subtle ways of intimacy and sexuality. If you don't say anything you will be more and more irritated by him. Give him the benefit of the doubt to correct his behavior - and if he doesn't...then you have a choice to make.

 

 

I guess you're right....maybe subconsciously he IS pushing past my boundaries. I'm only 19 so I don't entirely know myself, so I guess being overbearing when it comes to sex is a boundary of mine.

I've explained to him countless times that I don't like the constant touching..sex talk..staring..etc....and like I've said all along...he gets really offended and kinda shuts up for the rest of the time were together. Then the next time we see each other, he's back to his old ways.

 

He either just forgets my requests, or is not taking me seriously...and I'm leaning more towards the latter.

 

I guess I'll just have to keep reinforcing my requests to him.

And it's not like I neglect him and I'm some frigid woman with a chastity belt. haha! Trust me..we have our intimate times, so he's getting what he desires out of the relationship as well...

So I should ALSO get what I desire..and that's respecting my boundaries, as you said.

 

Thank you all for the advice...I guess after some more talking and reinforcement, if he doesn't get it..then...I'll have to have the break up talk...

 

 

thanks again guys