Been 6 months since breakup, Still miss her, What can i do?

[j416]

dating my gf for over 5 years. 19-24. bought a house for us and lived together for a little over a year. i had mayday's GIGS, i wasnt sure if i wanted to get married so young and she really did, pressuring me into it almost.

 

anyways i got cold fit, and we ended up having a mutual breakup, both for different reasons. i was neglecting her, and she was always upset with me for small things.

 

i realized i made a horrible mistake about a month after we broke up, i love this girl and would do anything to get her back, after we split, she moved back in with her family who live in a different city, and 3 weeks later she started dating this new guy, who she is still currently with.

 

I found this forum a little late, this is what i have done currently.

-talked for weeks after we split, talking about hooking up (mutually) (mid Oct.) went n\c or very l\c from here on.

-i found out she had a boyfriend, said some nasty things. (mid Nov.)

-sent her a teddy bear and flowers for Christmas,

-went to try to reconcile \ stay with friends (she didn't want to meet cause it would have been to hard she said) (early Jan)

-sent her a letter, and got shutdown hard. (Feb 2nd.)

 

went n\c after feb 2nd. then all of a sudden out of nowhere, after i return home from mexico mid march, she sends me a text message asking me how my trip was. (so she's been checking my facebook) i didnt say much and tried not to ask her much about herself. making it seem like im better off now and happy. not rude, but just not carrying the conversation, which she kept it going for a while.

 

then n\c until 2 weeks ago when i was on facebook and i sent her a message just to see if she'd respond. she responded right away and we talked for about an hour just catching up on everything. she was asking about some current things in my life and said that i'm looking good. (so again she's checking facebook and checking on me.)

 

i heard from a mutual friend that her bf wanted her to move in with him and she declined, and it originally sounded like they might split, but they are still together so im not to sure. she's scared of being alone, so i dont know.

 

we had a great thing together with ups and downs like everyone else, i wasnt making the compromises that i should have been making to keep her happy. i really know what i need to do differently now. how can i get her thinking about me again, and show her that im different.

 

She even asked our mutual friend if i seem like i have changed?

 

should i stay l\c? what are the appropriate steps i could do?

[AutumnBorn]

Here's the thing, she's with somebody else. Doesn't matter why, she's off limits for now, so LC is best.

 

She's asking about you, so sounds like she's opening up to possibilities. (Wants to know if you've changed in what way, specifically?)

 

19 and 24 are young to get married. Way too young. There just isn't enough life experience in us at that age to make that kind of commitment, so I commend you for not succumbing to pressure. You were right; don't second guess yourself now. (I know this from personal experience - I was married for the first time at 19. It was a bad, bad, bad idea.)

 

The thing is, she's the one with the problems. She's the one who needs to change. She's afraid to be alone and wants to get married at such a young age? That's a sign of immaturity in girls. She's afraid of being alone? Her purpose in life seems, from what you said, being half of a couple. It doesn't appear she particularly cares with whom, as long as she's paired up.

 

What she doesn't know is that the relationship is the icing, not the cake itself. Many women tend to define themselves by their primary romantic relationship, and it's so wrong I could write a book on the subject.

[j416]

Autumn, Thank you, that is the first real piece of insight that really has made me feel better about myself. She is only 22 right now as well. so dated me from 17-22.

 

Thats what i was thinking, stay low contact, not talk about relationships at all, just keep it simple. She will realize one day just how much i did for her, how much i went out of my way to make her happy. It just wasn't enough, i was miserable with work and took it home with me. me being unhappy made her unhappy, she tried to get me to be a happier person but i didnt try with her. i didnt realize all of the little things she was doing, or realize just how much she truly did care. until after we broke up.

 

i was checking out other girls more and more as well, almost jealous of my friends who just went out and hooked up with randoms. Now i realize just how good i had it, thats not me. thats not me at all, im a relationship guy, i absolutely loved having someone to come home too. I loved spending time with her, and i just neglected her so much in the end it drove us apart.

 

im sure she wants to know if im a happier person now, if work really is going better, if ive made certain changes in my life that would make me a better person. Realize just what it was that was causing us to be unhappy. Lots of little things like that, which i know now. i know all of them, i know exactly how i could keep both of us happy. i just need the chance to try, i would kill for the chance to try.

[j416]

anyone else want to chime in? i need some expert advice here lol, stay l\c? until maybe one day she is single? should i ever bring up relatinship stuff? ever mention i miss her etc?

[Brigadoon]

Hey j416, sounds like it's all a bit fresh at the moment so you'd better be prepared to wait. Work on what you want out of life and keep in LC; If she wanted to marry you so badly she most likely hasn't properly moved on.

From what i've read (here and around the place) successful reconciliations seem to come about when you've had about a year+ of space and relationships with others in between.

So don't sweat it - you'll more than likely get a second chance at some point down the road.

And don't bring up anything from the past, stay LC and just be friendly.

[j416]

** Update **

 

ill keep it short,

 

We started talking more, she was telling me she misses me etc, shes unhappy with her boyfriend. After we talked about how were different and all that crap. she came back to town to visit everyone.

 

Turns out i found out a lot about my ex that i didnt know. She has since turned into a * * * * , sleeping around a lot. She is also cheating on her boyfriend.

when she showed up it was like our previous convos never happened. She tried to sleep with my roomate, and i also found out that she lied to me about being a virgin for 6 years. Lied right to my face numerous times.

 

because of all the new facts i was made aware of, i have since told her off. deleted her off of BBM and Facebook. and for some reason i kind of regret it, i feel bad for deleting her. but i cant go back on it now.

 

part of me still cares a bit, but 90% of me says f her. i found a new chick thats way more on my level, we get along amazing. its still new, but she's amazing. so im hoping i can just forget about my ex and carry on with my life.

 

sometimes its not worth even trying to go back, i think ive learned my lesson.