21yr old man, 33yr old woman with 7 yr old child

[SadAndy]

bit of a strange one to ask but my ex (age 33) has just left me after 14yrs for a naive, mummys boy type who is 21.

My ex has a daughter aged nearly 8. Whilst everything looks rosy now, they've seriously discussed marriage and kids and they are jointly taking out a huge mortgage after being together only 4 months (he moved in more or less straight away).

My qyuestion is, assuming it is true love (i hope not!), how easy is this level of age gap to deal with along with a child?

[OntheWire]

The majority of 21yr olds would not do well in this type of situation. But there are always the rare few that are old souls for their age. Only time will tell.

[doiiiieeezie]

I would be concerned that he has moved in too fast and that my child is being exposed (is it, or from another relationship?) to a partner that may or may not be there tomorrow. Having said that, it is hard for a child to understand or grasp a changing atmosphere, let alone with someone who could be her older brother. I'd be concerned.

[SadAndy]

I am very concerned especially as my ex seems to be acting like a teenager, it worries me very much what my little girl sees and hears.

Apparently this clown has a 'family life' ambition (which i'm not against) but i just wonder how much the age gap will matter. i think alot, as teenage girls are nearer his age. Also, when he 'matures' will he suddenly realise what he has got himself into?

[SadAndy]

sadly (for my pride!) it all seems perfect and true love etc after the first few months.

[I_Speak_Jive]

I understand the pain that you are going through right now --I think many people on this site have been in very similar circumstances of having to deal with the hurt of a break-up that we wish hadn't happened.

 

But if there is one thing I know without the tiniest smidgen of a doubt, is that calling this new guy a "mommy's boy" or a "clown" will not make you feel any better, will not make your ex love him any less, and will not change your situation except for the worse.

 

At times like these you need to be extra careful not to misplace blame and anger on the wrong people. Your ex had a couple of affairs and left you of her own accord. I understand the kind of maddening cognitive dissonance that's created by wanting someone who has treated you like dirt, but the key to you being happy is precisely to solve this dissonance. Not to put the blame on the other dude.

 

Eventually, you will realise that you really don't want your ex, because she is just no good.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Can you fight for sole custody of your child?

[SadAndy]

fair comment! The description of 'Mommys boy' was purely to explain his maturity level (as opposed to being a military man who had served overseas etc and therefore would be emotionally older).

 

The term 'clown' was used purely on a disrespectful level.

[SadAndy]

Can you fight for sole custody of your child?

 

Not really as i would have to prove she is an unfit mother (morally she is but apparently these cant be used!)

She also has a 'butter wouldn't melt' look so no-one would believe me. The rest are just concerns about what she might see and hear.

[justsayno]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your situation. I hope for your daughter's sake it works out though.