So is she interested?

[Lostheart87]

Ok so Ill try and make this short

 

My dad is getting married soon, and I am in the wedding. I found out that I am walking with a girl who works with his fiancee (who happens to be the same age as me, and single). I ended up meeting her one day as I was stopping by my dads house to pick something up (all the girls were trying on dresses), and we ended up talking for a good 20-30 minutes. It seemed as though we really hit it off.

 

The conversation ended with me suggesting we grab coffee one day and she thought that it was a great idea. I gave her my number and I split.

 

Flash forward 2 weeks later. I was told that she ended up getting really sick very soon after our first meeting, and that she had been bedridden for a good 1.5 weeks. I told my dad's fiancee that I hope she was going to be ok, and when she received this message she ended up giving me her phone number to call her.

 

I called her the next afternoon to she how she was doing, and I got voicemail. I told her simply that I hope she gets better soon, and that if she needed to talk to anyone I would be happy to listen. She ended up calling me back that night, apologizing that she didn't pick up because she was sleeping and her phone was off. I asked her how she was doing, and this sparked a 30 minute conversation about basically everything her (I loved every minute of it, because she sounded so happy to hear from me).

 

She asked me if we were still on for coffee when she got better and I told her of course. However she is leaving this friday for Chicago for 2 weeks to visit her brother. Because of this I called her this afternoon to see if she wouldn't like to meet up tomorrow at a local jazz get together. Her phone went straight to voicemail, but I never heard back from her.

 

I don't want to call again in fear of scaring her off, but any thoughts?

 

Does it seem like she is interested or not? If she is what should I do? I really don't want to mess this up so I need advice!

[AJEDrew7]

Seems to me she's interested by what you've said. The timing just isn't the best. She's getting over an illness and going away soon. So, take things slow for the next couple weeks. Maybe try talking some, even if that means you can't get together with her before she goes away to make it apparent to her that you're interested in her and getting to know her. I wouldn't worry too much about things now, but if when she returns she's difficult to make plans with over an extended period of time then I would start questioning whether she was just being nice to you. But, from what you've said I would say yes she is interested and I'm sure you'll have no problem getting together when she's back.

[eggplant47]

Seems to me she's interested by what you've said. The timing just isn't the best. She's getting over an illness and going away soon. So, take things slow for the next couple weeks. Maybe try talking some, even if that means you can't get together with her before she goes away to make it apparent to her that you're interested in her and getting to know her. I wouldn't worry too much about things now, but if when she returns she's difficult to make plans with over an extended period of time then I would start questioning whether she was just being nice to you. But, from what you've said I would say yes she is interested and I'm sure you'll have no problem getting together when she's back.

 

Agreed ^. She's interested. Don't be discouraged that she hasn't called back yet- she just has a lot on her plate what with being ill, participating in a wedding, and going on vacation. I'm sure she'll get back to you soon enough.

[Lostheart87]

So should I call her back sometime this week before she leaves? Or just wait until she calls me?

[Lostheart87]

Just going to bump this once.

 

Anybody think I should call her again if I don't hear from her by say thursday? It wouldn't be to ask her out anywhere, but just to chat...good idea bad idea?

[Gabo]

Just going to bump this once.

 

Anybody think I should call her again if I don't hear from her by say thursday? It wouldn't be to ask her out anywhere, but just to chat...good idea bad idea?

 

I don't think you should call her. In fact, I would probably never call a girl a second time when she hasn't yet responded if I know I'll see her sometime soon in the future. If she wanted to, she would have responded already. In any event, you will have your chance with her at the wedding. It sounds like she is interested, and will probably get back to sometime before the wedding. Or she might not, and it might just be because all she has going on. I just don't think you have anything to gain by calling her and you risk pushing her away, if for whatever reason she wanted a little more space.

[eggplant47]

I wouldn't worry about calling her back before she leaves. She'll probably still be crazy busy until the trip is over.

 

BUT! If you don't hear from her after she gets back, I think it would be ok to call one more time. I mean, she's been pretty friendly so far & sometimes messages do accidently get erased ect... If she still doesn't respond after the second message then I would just wait until you see her at the wedding & see if she approaches you.

[Lostheart87]

Ok so she finally called back on wednesday, saying that she is sorry that she didn't return my call sooner. She ended up getting the message late at night and didn't want to wake me up.

 

We ended up talking on the phone for about 30 minutes again just talking about random things like her upcoming trip. I mentioned again that in-case I don't see her before she leaves that she has a great trip.

 

She mentioned that she still wants to go out, but now her cousin is having his b-day in vegas, and that she might go but she would call me today to tell me. I gave her a friendly text saying "hey? so you hitting vegas? and she never responded (sent it like 8 hours ago)

 

So anyone know what is exactly going on here? I am getting mixed messages all over, and I don't know if she is interested, or just trying to be nice to be not wanting to reject me. Any thoughts?

[awdj]

Let me first say we have all had this happen to us multiple times and women are fickle creatures to say the least. Don't even think for a second her approval validates you.

 

Now for reality.

She is not interested based on the fact she didn't return a call and then your text promptly. Women will return these within a few hours to a day if they are interested in a guy. Ask yourself "How would you react with a person that you are incredibly attracted to?" Not rocket science.

 

Calling her more than twice will scare her off and creep her out. Simply write her off and find other women to date. It's not difficult, they are everywhere seriously!

 

If she is sending mixed signals then she is at best lukewarm and will just waste your time. You deserve a loving, respectful, and attentive women and they are out there. She is not a good option for you.

[Lostheart87]

See that's the strange part. Shes called me before and texted me at night, and every time we talk on the phone we talk for a pretty long time, and the conversation never gets dull. In fact she does a lot of the talking, which tells me that she enjoys the fact that i am listening.

 

But like you said, I honestly don't get women. This has happened to me more than once now where they seem interested one second, then the moment you give them the time of day they run off...

 

* * * ? I hate playing games so I don't play them, whats so hard to understand that if I like you, I am not going to try and push you away?

[soporcogitavi]

she's honestly not that interested in you, maybe enough that if she had nothing to do you guys could go out, but if something better comes along, you better put your money on the fact that she'll do that instead of meet up with you. Forget about her, no more contact with her whatsoever,, unless she initiates a firm date to meet you.

[awdj]

Women always have a bunch of options at any time. If they like you enough they will show up on time, return calls/ txts and generally act very diligent and respectful as you would with someone you are totally in to.

 

If she can't find time to meet you she is not even close to interested. Her actions are her interest no matter what her words say.

 

Example, Recently I had a girl I've been out with several times and kissed blow me off to clean her apartment and write a resume on a Saturday night and she said "I definitely want to go out again! Can you do Tuesday or Thursday?". I didn't commit to anything and a few days later I msged her about getting together Thursday and she agreed enthusiastically. Guess what happened Thursday!? She got sick and we haven't talked since. She would msg me all the time about little stuff and thank me for taking her out and always tell me on the dates and msgs, that she enjoyed herself.

 

Always look at actions not words and keep a few irons in the fire. You'll be fine.

[Lostheart87]

Yea I guess you both have pretty valid points. I will try no contact and see where that takes me. It will be interesting to see her during my dads wedding, as well as the possible excuse she might think up.

 

I don't think I will ever understand why many girls my age are not attracted to nice guys. They always seem to lean towards the ones that treat them like crap. Then again I am glad I am how I am, I would never want to be the other guy. I just hope the whole "nice guys finish last" doesn't hold true for me.

[Ginger1]

I think the timing is just kind of bad.

I don't think she is playing games at all, it's just you guys don't know each other terribly well. I think she will get back to you. Otherwise, just wait until she get's back from travel and give her a call

[awdj]

Yea I guess you both have pretty valid points. I will try no contact and see where that takes me. It will be interesting to see her during my dads wedding, as well as the possible excuse she might think up.

 

I don't think I will ever understand why many girls my age are not attracted to nice guys. They always seem to lean towards the ones that treat them like crap. Then again I am glad I am how I am, I would never want to be the other guy. I just hope the whole "nice guys finish last" doesn't hold true for me.

 

Good plan. Here's a twist. Show up at the wedding with another girl. You won't have to wait days for a returned phone call, she will suddenly want to know all about it.

 

Nice guys in general don't have that edge, the confidence that gets a woman's panties wet. Oddly enough it can more than offset average looks. Women don't actually like being abused, but they will tolerate it repeatedly for a confident, guy that gets them going. Get some hobbies, a motorcycle, lift weights whatever.

 

Think about if you had 10 women on the line and a few acted disinterested, well it wouldn't bother you, right? Women pick up on this as plain as day and know you have options, which is very attractive.

[Lostheart87]

Well I do have the confidence thing going for me, as for the 10 women in line, easier said than done mate haha

 

But that's a great idea about bringing another girl to the wedding, gonna give that a shot when the time comes

[Lostheart87]

Ginger, so you believe that she is actually just busy? I haven't had luck with girls lately considering I am just getting back on the dating scene, so my "positive attitude" that they will actually call back is somewhat low. Any reasons you believe that she is actually interested given what I have shared?

[BriarRose]

she's honestly not that interested in you, maybe enough that if she had nothing to do you guys could go out, but if something better comes along, you better put your money on the fact that she'll do that instead of meet up with you. Forget about her, no more contact with her whatsoever,, unless she initiates a firm date to meet you.

 

I agree completely. Despite your attempts at a simple coffee date, she can't even make plans for that.

[eggplant47]

Let me first say we have all had this happen to us multiple times and women are fickle creatures to say the least.

 

Let's just clarify: Not all women are fickle & not only women are fickle. How very many times have I listened to a girlfriend cry because a guy flirted with her all night, asked for her number & then never called!

 

Also, if I started to sense that a guy I'd just started dating was expecting "diligent", "respectful" "attentiveness"... I'd be a bit turned off & tell him maybe he ought to get a dog.

 

OP- It IS possible that she's interested but the timing is just off for the two of you right now. You've certainly done enough to indicate your interest. Sit back and relax for now. Wait until the wedding & see if she approaches you at the reception.

 

And don't worry if you don't already have a date- cause playing games won't get you anywhere.

[Hikapo]

NEXT her bro.

[obs]

Also, don't give women your number unless you already have theirs.

[Lostheart87]

Ok so I did what I said what I would do, didn't contact her at all since thursday. And what happened? She ended up texting me a lot on sunday and called me twice. She said she was at her parents house out of town and that she would be coming back later on that night if I wanted to hang out.

 

I played it cool and said sure just give me a call if you get back in town and want to grab a coffee. Strangely enough she calls later that night (about 9:30) and we ended up hanging out a the local coffee shop till it closed just talking about anything honestly. Converstation again did not seemed forced at all.

 

Anyway she leaves for chicago on wednesday for a week, and I am going to play it cool. I told her that I wish her the best on her trip and she told me that she will see me when she gets back. I simply said that would be nice, walked her to her car, and we went our separate ways.

 

To be honest I thought I handled it pretty well. If she calls back, she calls back. If not then hey, new friend. None of the less I will text her tomorrow wishing her a happy flight, and nothing beyond that unless she initiates it.

[eggplant47]

Ooooooo. I sense a happy relationship in the making!!!

[Lostheart87]

I am hoping so

 

Shes gone to Chicago now, not going to contact her until she gets back so we will see how this goes. Just gotta play it nice and slow.