hate?

[im_the_undead]

I know that hating someone who really hurt you does far more harm to yourself than anything else, but how exactly are you supposed to stop hating them?

[CaptainNapalm]

Hate is an emotion just like love so although very strong and intense in the beginning, given some time away from that person it fizzles out to the point where you no longer feel it. So unless you're someone with an above average ability to forgive then the best answer to your question is "time".

[im_the_undead]

so it's going to take some years isn't it

ehh

[nutbrownhare]

Express the anger in a way that will energise you without hurting anyone else, such as beating the cushions, twisting a towel ... all that sort of thing. Let the images of this person come through your mind, and any other unexpressed angers at the same time, until there's nothing else left to come out. You will feel much lighter as a result, and if you are a creative type you may well find it improves your creative flow.

 

Use the energy you get from this sort of exercise to do something you've been meaning to do for ages.

 

Then, finally, recognise that the person you hate is a damaged, wounded human being who is doing their best, given where they're at. Then let them go. With a bit of luck they shouldn't bother you again - don't do them the honour of giving them houseroom!

[CaptainNapalm]

so it's going to take some years isn't it

ehh

 

Not necessarily. It may seem like it at first but once your life gets rolling again with other things this emotion can fizzle out in months and even weeks for some. Just be patient, find a good outlet for your anger and keep busy.

[im_the_undead]

Express the anger in a way that will energise you without hurting anyone else, such as beating the cushions, twisting a towel ... all that sort of thing.

 

that sounds risky, i did that once for some seconds..if anyone saw or heard me again they'd reeeally think i have a problem.

but see, this "hurt" has been wrapped up inside me for almost a year now, and it's driving me off the wall

 

](*,)

[nutbrownhare]

that sounds risky, i did that once for some seconds..if anyone saw or heard me again they'd reeeally think i have a problem.

but see, this "hurt" has been wrapped up inside me for almost a year now, and it's driving me off the wall

 

](*,)

It's a good idea to make sure you're alone, and that nobody else can hear ... I wasn't suggesting you did this in a local shop, say!

[sidehop]

You have to learn to forgive yourself and the person. Or else it will keep consuming you.

 

This may be helpful: link removed

[HeartGoesOn]

I know that hating someone who really hurt you does far more harm to yourself than anything else, but how exactly are you supposed to stop hating them?

 

By forgiving them, since forgivness is a gift that you give yourself, and takes that extra burden off your shoulders. With that said, it doesn't mean that you have to have them in your life again, but you can move on without that extra baggage weighing you down.

[itsallgrand]

Why do you hate the person?

 

Sometimes the first step is protecting or removing oneself from a situation with a person where they keep hurting you.

 

Some people have mastered, so to speak, eliminating the feeling of hate regardless of whether the person is there or not, whether there is cause for it or not, and to some degree it is a decision a person makes . That one thing we get to control is our own insides and how we react to it.

 

But sometimes I think hate is a signal firing off that something in your environment or life needs changing. Circumstances that are not tolerable or healthy.

[In the Dark]

It takes time.

You can not just say "I forgive" and forgive.

 

I know, words to not change an emotion and do not change the fact that the person did something to hurt you.

 

Even when learning to forgive.

It's not possible to learn to forgive beyond reason.

Illogically....yes.

 

I know of some members who ave said they have and appeared like they have had a weight off their shoulders, but a week....a month.....later they have hurt again.

The memories come back despite their best efforts to forgive.

 

If anything, finding someone who treats you better and loves you unlike the person who hurt you is the only option in my opinion.

[CntJstSitArond]

It takes time.

You can not just say "I forgive" and forgive.

 

I know, words to not change an emotion and do not change the fact that the person did something to hurt you.

 

Even when learning to forgive.

It's not possible to learn to forgive beyond reason.

Illogically....yes.

 

I know of some members who ave said they have and appeared like they have had a weight off their shoulders, but a week....a month.....later they have hurt again.

The memories come back despite their best efforts to forgive.

 

If anything, finding someone who treats you better and loves you unlike the person who hurt you is the only option in my opinion.

 

This I believe to be true, I feel the same way. Hate does take a tole on you though, but I just can't let it go and forgive again.

[Hermes]

Hate and anger are two different things.

 

Hermes

[im_the_undead]

so i've started praying for this person i dislike with a passion for the horrible things they've done [like i pray for happieness & good things in her life]..and i'm feeling a little better.

can't really hate someone you pray for.....just hope it doesn't back fire

 

 

just hope it doesn't back fire

 

 

 

op, spoke too soon