Early break: how to approach? expectations?

[Clarity]

So I've been dating someone for about 5 weeks right now. Absolutely no complaints thus far. I have a great time when we're together, we make each other laugh a lot, and she's prompt with her contact whenever we're in touch, but also not smothering (we both have our own things going on).

 

She's in my town for school, for the next year and a bit, but it's a professional program that involves internships. On our very first date, she told me she had just found out her next internship will start in May, for 2 months, in a place that's 1500+ miles away.

 

That was the first date and we haven't really talked about it since. My guess is we will when that time comes closer (which is in less than 2 weeks).

 

My instinct is to let her bring it up, but if she doesn't (before she leaves), to bring it up myself. I don't plan on making any demands, but I just want to find out what "we" are in her eyes. My hope is she sees us as exclusive and wants to continue dating when she comes back. I don't expect us to keep in a great amount of contact while she's gone, the relationship just doesn't have that dynamic (which I see as a good thing right now).

 

That being said, I also want to know if she doesn't see us as exclusive and plans to date when she's away, although I don't see her as that type, as a man I know I have no business trying to predict a woman's character

 

Anyway, I was just wondering if the wait and see approach is the best in other people's opinions. Has anyone been in this situation, where a relationship that had just started was interrupted by a break?

[Maya_A]

You say is in my town for school"...

 

Does that mean your town is not originally where she is from & she may go back where she is from after her internship, versus back to your town?

 

I edited this reply because I initially hadn't read that her internship is two months. That is really nothing time wise. I'd be sure she is planning on hanging around in your town for awhile if you don't know already.

 

And I don't see anything at all wrong with you asking her about how she sees things between the two of you, with her upcoming trip.

 

It's a perfectly reasonable question that will tell her that you really like her, and that will let you know how she really feels about you.

 

Hope it goes really well...

[Day_Walker]

Well she informed you of what is going to take place. Personally I wouldnt want to be exclusive if she was going to leave 1500 miles away for two months. I would just play it by ear at this poing and see how the dating goes. There is no telling what is going to happen with you two prior to her leaving. I say just have a good time her and see what develops.

[Clarity]

You say is in my town for school"...

 

Does that mean your town is not originally where she is from & she may go back where she is from after her internship, versus back to your town?

 

She's not originally from here no, and she's going home for the internship, but she has to come back here to finish her program, which I believe will be another school year, but I'm not certain.

 

I edited this reply because I initially hadn't read that her internship is two months. That is really nothing time wise. I'd be sure she is planning on hanging around in your town for awhile if you don't know already.

 

Yeah, I wouldn't usually be too concerned about the length of time apart - I have done an LDR of much longer, but this situation I'm not familiar with, since it's so early and the time apart will be longer than the time we've dated for.

 

And I don't see anything at all wrong with you asking her about how she sees things between the two of you, with her upcoming trip.

 

It's a perfectly reasonable question that will tell her that you really like her, and that will let you know how she really feels about you.

 

I really do hope she brings it up, since I think it is her responsibility to since she is the one leaving. However, if it's clear that she won't be bringing it up, I will. Thanks for the re-assurance that I'm not overstepping my bounds.

 

Hope it goes really well...

 

Thank you

[Clarity]

Well she informed you of what is going to take place. Personally I wouldnt want to be exclusive if she was going to leave 1500 miles away for two months. I would just play it by ear at this poing and see how the dating goes. There is no telling what is going to happen with you two prior to her leaving. I say just have a good time her and see what develops.

 

You're right in that it's not the exclusivity that I'm really seeking, but more of an assurance that we'd pick things back up when she returns. I wouldn't mind dating others while we're away either, but if she wants to cut it off after she leaves, that would disappoint me since I really think there's potential between us.

[Clarity]

Update:

 

Well, this sucks.

 

We had another great time tonight, good restaurant, great conversation as usual, we just seem to be on the same page on a lot of things. Went back to my place, things got heated, but we stopped ourselves short and ended up finally addressing the issue a bit. So I find out that although her placement is 2 months, she won't be needing to come back for school until September, so, understandably, she'll be staying home till then. So the break is double the time (leaves in a week, comes back in September). When I heard that, I pretty much accepted that there's nothing to do but just enjoy this while it's here and possibly get in touch again when she returns, but it'd be unreasonable for us to expect to maintain anything while she's gone (and not date others). We both were clearly thinking that the situation sucks, but there's really nothing that can be done about it.

 

It's frustrating because I've found that the number of girls that I actually "click" with are very few and this one was one of those few.

 

Oh well, what can I do? We'll be getting together at least one, maybe two more times before she goes to, I guess, just enjoy the time we do have, although it was already feeling kinda bittersweet tonight.

 

Bah, I'm not really looking forward to having to enter the dating pool again...

[Clarity]

Update (if anyone cares, haha):

 

Tonight was our last night together (until September). We had avoided talking about things until now. I finally broke the silence and we talked, a little bit.

 

Basically, my opinion was that having only been together 6 weeks and with a 4 month break coming up, we could not reasonably "enter into anything" (i.e. a relationship), but that I thought we still had some figuring out to do (i.e. whether this was "right" or not) and that I'd be open to, when she comes back, continuing to figure things out, if both of us were still interested at that point. She agreed. She said that she didn't enter into this just for fun while she was away (and that she's just not the type to do that) and I believe her.

 

The situation is still terribly difficult - I mean the odds of becoming anything long-term are made very small by the fact that she is just here for a school for a few more months after this summer and then likely somewhere else. And yet, even though the odds are low, I feel a real connection here and want to keep that chance, however small, alive.

 

I will push myself to continue dating during the summer and not be closed to other opportunities, but I have to admit that she will be on my mind for some time to come

[Welsh lad]

unlucky man

But i honestly believe if things are meant to be they will happen, plus september will be here before you know it

 

Go out, enjoy the summer, live your life and the rest will take care of itself.